CURTAINS OF THE PAST

NOT A PUNISHMENT

The punishment came against me. I don't even know if there will be any more after this?

Continue to punish me until I am no longer guilty of what I have done in my past. Although it hurts, but I never even know the wounds felt by the people around me as a result of my actions. And I don't want to complain.

Merely, will my sin be erased with this punishment?

It's the heaviest I feel. My little princess, the one who pleased me the most when she called me papa. Run up to me, clutch me with her little hands, chatter and even sulk if I don't fulfill my promise to her.

Why her? Why should he be the one you took away from my life? Why not just me? I don't even feel worthy to be his father even if I want to.

Now I'm in a hole to drive her away without being able to pick her back up. I don't feel like I want to get out of here, I just want to go with him. Please, I've watched my loved ones leave three times.

Toni's cry seemed to indicate her heart was screaming, as her hands shook to welcome the corpse of her little daughter who had been wrapped neatly in a clean white cloth.

BRUUU…

Kamelia's body collapsed instantly. He could not help his grief in the residence of his beloved little daughter. All the relatives immediately carried Kamelia under shady trees to shade her. While Kemil just stared from inside the burrow with a feeling that was difficult to interpret from his face.

Slowly, the pile of dugout soil was dropped into the hole that had kept Milka in it. The pain further weakened Toni's body. He knew, Kemil did not not not grieve the departure of Milka. But Kemil tried hard for Kamelia. Maybe, if there is a loss

at that time, he was Kemil. The figure of Milka's father who had given his name to his little daughter.

Milka's funeral was over, but Kamelia did not notice. Everyone was worried at that moment. Kemil lifted Kamelia's body, and carried her into his car parked outside the village TPU.

*****

All the families gathered at the Arayan residence, including Toni's family. Toni again locked herself in the room where her mother and Kamelia had lived at the time. What else would he do other than regret himself all day? He is the most guilty according to him. He caused all the wounds that were scratched in the hearts of his loved ones.

“Toniiiii.. Return my Milka. Don't take Milka... Please return it... You've even been allowed to be her papa, but why do you still want to take Milka from me? Toniiiii..” The noise was heard from outside the room and had disturbed Toni's daydream.

A moment Toni was silent. She was so stunned in her sadness when she heard that voice, Kamelia's voice. Toni rushed to open the door and saw what had happened.

Kamelia with Kemil's face looked at insecurity. He just kept yelling at Toni's name to get her Milka back.

Toni was more stunned and astonished to see the situation that occurred from the front door of the room she had occupied earlier.

Guilt is hurting her feelings.

“Istighfar darling, Istighfar.” Whisper Kemil into the ears of Kamelia which she tightly held.

“She has taken my Milka, Darling.” Show Kamelia sharply towards Toni who was still standing looking at her bitterly. “Please return Milka, Toni. I beg…"

The longer, Kamelia's voice sounded more and more groggy and softened, and in the end she returned unconscious.

Toni's heart was increasingly broken to see the condition of the mother of his daughter.

Toni went back into the room and locked her from the inside, after Kemil brought Kamelia back into their room. He leaned behind the door, then cupped his body while banging his chest with his own fist. The pain lingering in his heart was about to kill his soul.

“I'm sorry, Kamel. Forgive me. Not a little bit of your suffering because of me. I am indeed evil, very evil.” Runuk Toni while beating her head many times.

Tok…

Sound when heard from outside. Toni immediately rubbed her face rough. She forced herself to stop her crying.

“Honey.. It's me. Can I come in?” Pinta Iffah from outside the room where Toni locked herself.

Although a little waiting, but Toni still open the door for his wife. Toni stood looking at Iffah while holding the door handle of the room.

Iffah showed a faint smile. The glint of light from Iffah's eyes gave a hint of warmth to Toni's heart.

Iffah stepped inside and immediately closed the door again. Toni was still standing looking at Iffah with a wistful glance. Iffah grabbed Toni's hand and pulled her gently towards the bed.

No cipher came out of Iffah's mouth. Just a gesture that shows what her husband should do. And at that moment, Toni somehow obeyed and understood the signal Iffah gave her.

Iffah sat on the bed, and then patted her thigh gently. Toni understood what Iffah meant. He slept there with an Iffah thigh.

“Crying is...” Iffah Command. “Didn't God justify me to you, that you might rest in this world when you are sad?” Iffah tried to be strong.

"I can't cry, honey. I deserve this pain. It's a punishment for all my mistakes." Said Toni flat.

"It's not a punishment, honey... It's ordeal. And how much you hold it, God will count it in the form of your patience." Press Iffah.

Toni even held back her tears even though the pain in her heart was fondling about to kill him back then.

“I know, your pain is my pain as well, and your tears are a deep sorrow for me. But for this time, I let you cry.” Iffah sounds forced.

Toni's hands shook violently. His arms hugged Iffah's thighs so strongly, and then he cried out. Sobbing, sniffling.

Iffah turned her face to the ceiling. He tried to hold back his tears that were about to come out by blinking his eyes repeatedly. Toni's cry was like a dagger that cut her heart. It hurt for him to see the pain that Toni felt at that time.

She knew very well that her husband loved Milka very much from anything. She knew how her husband felt after Milka's departure, even when she heard that Milka was ill

that time.

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