Between Me, You And Them

NERVOUS (PART 2)

ELISE

I wept. My body is shaking. More terrible than I was in the parking lot.

I was confused, my mind was empty. I'm still digesting what's been going on. This feeling I don't like. Disgusted and horrible, and also feeling guilty.

It's dawn.that's all I know. I don't know what time it is. Even to watch the clock I couldn't.

For some reason, from the dawn that I have been through, the dawn today feels colder than the others.

I felt someone sitting near me on the edge of the bed. I'm appalled. Bang Nanda's...

He gave me Tissu while calling my name softly. I keep bowing my head.

"Open..." Call her again. I'm still as hiccuped. Just this time I didn't like Bang Nanda being around me, calling me.

I really lost my mind. I was scared and could no longer concentrate. I find it hard to remember what happened again.

No, it's not that I'm drunk and I don't remember what, I realize, I remember and I'm totally aware of what I'm doing.

But I don't have the guts to remember a second. My head is dizzy. It feels like there's a grenade ready to blow up all my brain. I'm nauseous.

All my life, I've never felt this much fear. My whole body felt crushed and crushed. Like being stabbed by thousands of sharp arrows.

Just fear, fear and confusion have been on my mind ever since.

Bang Nanda wiped my tears.

"Sorry Brother El..." Her words are lirih.

My crying is getting louder. I covered my face with a pillow. I was really ruined.

Bang Nanda suddenly flipped over my body and looked at me deeply.

"El, Brother will...." Not done anymore talking I immediately disconnected him. I can't stay close to her anymore. This feeling makes me uncomfortable.

"El wants to go home Bang." Cut me flat.

"Yes, my brother interraceded. All farewell to El's parents." I'm shaking.

"So. El went home alone." I said again. I moved from my seat. Bang Nanda held my hand.

"Abang between El. Gotta." This time his voice changed.

******

All the way in the car I kept quiet. Bang Nanda occasionally looked at me. I never looked back at him.

All I did was turn my face to the window. Look at the city at dawn.

When will this feeling disappear? I don't like this feeling. I like her. I liked him first. Why am I nauseous now being near her. I shouldn't be like this.

Bang Nanda wanted to open up many times with me, but many times she realized the time was not right to explain all of it.

I don't know what she's feeling, which she's obviously just as confused as she is right now.

I saw the house still in the dark. But I know the house people must have woken up. It was time for them to start their activities.

"Not come down." I said briefly. Still can't look at him. I'm ready to get down. Bang Nanda was silent.

I opened the car door, not to mention I got off my feet bang Nanda called me.

"El.." -...."

I was silent in front of the half-open car door.

I took a deep breath. I shouldn't be like this. But I can't. Even looking at her I can't. My feelings are strange. How strange.

"Not yet when it's bang."

"Don't feel responsible for anything. What else to say to my parents." Just keep me on again. This time I really got out of the car and left.

At least I didn't look back. I disappeared behind the fence.