A&Z (Love Or Hate?)
Longing conflict
"Why does a happy beginning end in tears ?"
"Why haven't I been able to make a fresh start yet ? In just a year there have been many memories created, the relationship between me, Yuli, Fifi, Andre, Iqbal and also Arsyad. I miss the mood first.
I miss sitting on the terrace with Yuli. I miss working on PR with Fifi. I miss doing group work with Andre. I miss when Iqbal takes my hat. I miss showing off my grades to Arsyad. I miss everything.....
Now there are only regrets..."
"What really happened to me ? Where is the real me ? I feel like all I've been through is a mere charade ! I feel, when I say I love and love Andre it's all just a play ! I still love Arsyad ! I still love Arshad ! When can I get close to her again ?! I love her !!! I love her !!! I want to be like before !!! I miss talking to him ! I miss his look ! I miss his voice ! I miss everything about her ! I miss those moments with her !"
"I want to get back close to him ! I want to talk to him ! I want to suck it up ! I want to rain with her !"
"O Allah is a willing servant, a sincere servant if the servant is always angered by Arshad, in the disturbs of Arshad, in the ledek of Arshad, a willing servant of Allah... but the servant is not willing if he continues to silence the servant like this...Oh Allah, it hurts so much.hated by our loved ones..."
As tears flowed down my cheeks, I tried to stop crying, several times I wiped the tears that drenched my cheeks, but in fact the tears never stopped flowing from my eyes.
"I don't think you ever loved me... Maybe all this time it was just my hallucination..."
Those are the words I kept saying repeatedly in my tears.
This longing tormented me.
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Actually I'm not lazy to tell them, I'm just lazy to look at the cynical look of my neighbors, they look like they hate me, I don't know why they're like that to me.
I didn't want to tell my parents that because I knew they would just scold me or advise me because my neighbors were always smiling and always greeting them.
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My mood was very chaotic, very chaotic and more chaotic when I called Andre and said
"Dre, you better forget me, I'm no match for you, you're dating Nur alone, she's better for you than I am."
"It's not that easy for me to forget you."that's all Andre said before I finally heard sobs and the phone disconnected.
After Andre turned off the phone, tears came back down my cheeks, my chest started to hurt, hurt a lot, and it was very difficult to breathe.
"Didn't I not love Andre but why did I cry for him ? Why is it so hard for me to let go of it ? Why ? I have to believe that Nur is the best partner for Andre."
After that day, I cut off communication with Andre. He never dared to greet me first, until finally a cold war broke out between us even though he had no anger or resentment towards me.
"It's so bad you Ra ! After making her fall in love with you, you instead told her to date Nur ! She's crying Ra !"several times Syaiful told me that, either in person or on the phone that I definitely did not care about.
