2 BILL

SECTION 30

  My body is shaking

My soul is comfortable

Reluctant to stare

Though longing

        To reach you is my dream

        Holding you is what I want

        Grabbing you is my wish

        Embracing you is my asa

I'm stuck here

In feelings that are impossible to lose

    I'm cursing

   I scoffed

   But in my heart I was stunned

  In my heart I praise

I'm right here

Still faithful

As before

Exactly the same

Hasn't changed.

     As if waiting

     As if waiting

Your arrival

Your presence

To come back to me again

"WHAT THE HELL...?I stared at Bilal sharply, and snapped at him

"Ngga' what_what"Bilal answered me cuek

"Why don't you come back, not that you're married.Why not just go home, and meet your wife "

"Later your wife gets jealous again , looking at you nearby and teasing other women

don't you worry now that your wife is waiting for you with anxious feelings"I spoke without seeing Bilal, I just felt wrong if near Bilal, I was clumsy ,though I used to get used to being beside Bilal not being affected by any of his actions, but now Bilal talk a little bit it has made me goosebumps

"Who said I would tease you?Bilal was mocking me

"Who said you wanted to tease me"?I didn't even know what I was talking to him, I didn't remember it so I couldn't deny it firmly

"That was you who said it"

"When..ih...engga' yes..."I tried to dodge again but still with a clumsy feeling and misbehavior

"Dam....Ibam was right he could still influence me, even my body could not be compromised"

"That was clear to me"

"Again, you know yes....!

"I never tease or seduce women, which there are even women who ngepet_ngepet want to stroke me"Bilal even praised himself

"SOK....your tightness"I spoke while he sneered at her"She was real handsome again..ihhh...nyebelin"I grumbled in my heart.

"Then why did you come back"And you came back so late so late, because now I've changed the course of my life's purpose" I muttered to myself in my heart

"I'm just missing Ibam"!Bilal's reasons don't make any sense

"really?I tried to bully Bilal

"Yeah...we are friends"Bilal looks wrong too, I see a red face blushing that Bilal shows when he is lying.

"Friends of nutmeg"

"Ngga' there are also friends go away without saying goodbye"Aduhhh.

"You're like aja jailangkung, go ngga' pamit come ngga' by the way_by the way"I even digress, not clear and not' connect at all

"It's not that the jailangkung did not come home ngga' at the pick-up ya..."Bilal spoke while thinking

"Ahh..ngga' go where_where" I flicked my hand.

"Now we're talking about our relationship, "I'm trying to stop our somewhat awkward conversation.

"Who digress ...who is angry?But Bilal nagged himself and I heard it clearly

"My voice is still clear...!

"Yes.yes...."

"But wait for a relationship What do we have?

"Yes....Friend relationship, what do you think relationship?"My face was a little pias saw Bilal who was so indifferent to my answer, we never argued Bilal slalu relented and justified whatever I did and what I said.

   Now we are like two strangers who have just met and are always in conflict when together

   I turned to face Bilal

"You feel guilty, no'.... when you leave us?

"Don't you feel that you are so evil when you dump us your little friend who was by your side" I ventured to speak while looking into Bilal's eyes, trying to find the truth.

"Don't you realize the truth that feels left here is only you" Bilal spoke with a grin he meant to mock me and tease me, Bilal was not yet aware of my anger-bearing state, and I think Bilal was wrong in his choice of words, he so deeply offended me that the anger when I was alone rose

    My eyes reddened my chest already felt tight, I looked more and more at Bilal with sharp eyes

"YES.....YAA..., I'm the only one who feels left here"I'm talking

"When you left me, I WAS DESTROYED" I shouted, Bilal immediately realized that I was angry

" I am surrounded by people who love me very much, but all that I ignore, I only need you at that time, your existence,but your presence is ENOUGH for me, but APA.kamu go, for no reason without explanation, you already do not care about my state how I if live without YOU"My breathing goes up and down holding anger.

"But don't worry .. That's it first" I took a breath trying to calm the tightness I thought

"Now everything has changed, for me your presence is no longer meaningful, I am used to smiling without you, NOW I AM HAPPY"After saying that all I stepped away and opened the door,it turns out that Hima did not lock the door, I went inside without seeing Bilal

   I stepped closer to the living room, where I saw Ibam talking familiarly with uncle,earlier Kak Hima had told him that Ibam had asked his father's uncle Kak Hima to do Taaruf with Kak Hima and uncle gave him permission, I was happy to hear that, I was happy to hear that,Ibam a good man Kak Hima deserves Ibam

      Barak smiled when he saw me, so I glanced for a moment while walking through Bilal, seen Bilal clenched his hands as if holding something back, what I still influence Bilal, what I still have,does Bilal still have a heart for me or is it just because he is offended by my words?

"AHHHH.....I cried hysterically but only in my heart"I don't care_I DON'T CARE,"And watch out for you, don't look back, let it all be the grim past I have to go through in my life"I commemorate my own heart so as not to be moved and return to the heart that used to be, which until now I still try to throw away.

"I have to look ahead" I tried to smile at Barak who saw me from earlier I was seen from the living room, Barak smiled at me as well.

  But_____all of a sudden Barak's face changed, he stood up from his seat as if shocked by seeing something, seeing that, everyone looked towards Barak"What's wrong?I frowned in wonder, but I heard footsteps behind me, I was about to turn my head

"Hehh, also control your head and your eyes, behind it must be Bilal, only he is behind you, so be quiet and keep smiling at your fiance who is in front of it"Once again I counseled myself, I immediately changed my body language smiling at the Barracks in front of me, and stepping confidently,because I looked relaxed as I walked and took so long to get in front of Barak it seemed like Barak could not hold back his clumsiness, so he stepped up and ran towards me, after which he immediately embraced my shoulder"We go home and explain what you're talking about with him "Barak whispered to me

"Uncle we say goodbye first.seems like uncle has an important guest.excuse me uncle"I don't think at all Barak to all his, I'm not feeling' good with uncle.

"But Barak I want to go there first ..pamit with Aunt and uncle"I tried to prevent Barak

"No need, if I say go home, yes.home.."Barak held his bluff his voice shook restraining anger

"I went home first Auntie ..uncle"I half yelled at Uncle and Aunt for a long distance

"At least I went there first for___"

"No need..ayo cepet"Barak stopped my words, when usually if I go out I shake hands with them, but this time I behave really_not polite, this is all because of Barak,Barracks do not know the rules of like at will, the most annoying people in the world

"OK..ok...."I can only give up and surrender, not funny later if Barak rampages at my Uncle's house

"But nak at least____"

"Assalamu aleikum Bibi"I even cut off Aunt's words impolitely, I was angry to feel this, I wanted to go first, but Barak held my body.

"WE walk together"Akupun immediately silently looked at Barak who was holding his bluff.

   We turned around and saw Bilal standing looking at us he seemed fixated on seeing me who was embraced by Barak and looked friendly

    We moved closer to Bilal, and Bilal stuck out his hand trying to be polite

"We hurried Mr. Abimana, the next time"Barak wiped away Bilal's friendly smile with his words, I massaged a glimpse of Bilal's eyes but immediately cut off the gaze, saying,I am aware of Bilal who is still able to influence me well, even my body is not able to lie

    We kept moving out of my Aunt and uncle's house, regardless of Bilal.

   "I must endure this, I must not turn my head" I am at war with myself

"Don't look, he's looking at us"Barak stopped the war going on inside me, I can only bow down resignedly

"Prankkkk......"I gasped to hear the sound of a Flower vase being thrown from its place

Brakkkk"The sound of the chair that Barak deliberately lifted and he threw in any direction, I could only jerk with a trembling body, closing my ears with both hands was not able to dampen the noise made by Barak.

"He's....Abime...."

"The sister of your sister-in-law...?

"Your sister-in-law....YEA...HEHHHHH"

Barak looked at me with a flash of his anger

"I nodded resignedly"I have since been ketar_ ketir, Barak had been holding back his anger, he was a very clever person, he immediately understood and understood, from earlier,if Bilal and I had a relationship the first time he saw our interaction, and he knew right away that we met when we saw him and Bilal walked, we didn't join hands.

"HE'S MY FRIEND'S SISTER....RAIZ ABIMANA'S"

"Do all your goals have anything to do with him .....?

"NO....Not at all he had nothing to do with this, I did all this to atone for my guilt, everything that happened to Raiz's brother was caused by me.

Barak gulped his saliva rough he looked at me and stepped closer to me, I still faithfully lowered my head and cried with my whole body trembling, and my body was trembling,and without my guess at all Barak threw his body down on his knees I was flabbergasted looking at him, he took my hands and held them tight, I wanted to brush him off but Barak tightened his grip even more,it makes me a little uncomfortable because this is the first time Barak has clasped my hand tightly

"Can't your heart accept me?Once again I was flabbergasted by Barak's words, I silently did not answer him, my tears had stopped now changed with the sharp gaze that I offered to Barak

"Can't you just forget the wounds of the past?I didn't answer 'Barak has gone too far, even sorry I didn't give and now he's asking for my heart.

   I brushed Barak's hand up and walked away leaving him without saying or answering his question, when I was a little distance from Barak I turned to look at him, he was still sitting there looking very sad,who would have thought that person was Mubarak Hadi a businessman who was famous for his persistence and his arrogant attitude and cold attitude that he had shown to others,he insisted on asking for my heart that he knew belonged to someone else, I'm sure he was angry because he knew the facts about it,not because he knew the facts about Bilal who was the younger brother of his friend MUHAMMAD RAIZ ABIMANA.

   I stepped into my room, I did not care about the state of Barak let him treat his heartache by being alone, but from the beginning I did not present my heart to him ,I was willing to be with him and he made me want to, he said he had no problem marrying me even though I had no feelings for him .

     I stayed in my room, so Barak brought up the name of Raiz my brother-in-law made me think of him.

Flashbacks

     *Me and Bilal have been friends since childhood, Bilal's family moved to our village when Bilal's mother, Raisya Abimana, was pregnant with Bilal, Bilal's house and my house was near our neighbors

    When I was 8 years old at that time was 3rd grade Elementary school Bilal was 4th grade, at Bilal's house there was a rame_rame, ' ' he said ,out of curiosity I stepped into the House of Bilal in the courtyard of the House Bilal seen there is a car that is still unfamiliar in my vision, I know his car om Faizal clearly it is not the car Om Faizal

"Ting..butt..."I rang Bilal's doorbell, after pressing him I waited for a moment, waiting for the man in the house to open the door for me

"And.ceklekkk...."Alhamdulillah directly in the door, seen in front of me a young man who was still unfamiliar in my eyes, I frowned looking curiously at this young man in front of me, and spoke to himself in my heart"Who is he...?My whisper in my heart, but even more so this young man who was in front of me also fell silent like me

"Emmm..."I hesitated to say what

"Who's Bar....."There was another voice of a young man who I was sure was the same age as this young man in front of me, he stepped up and approached me who was still standing at the door

    The young man who had just arrived smiled at me, I immediately smiled, his smile resembled Bilal, I really liked Bilal's distinctive smile and this young man had his

"Ade' who.....?He asked without losing his smile to me

"My name_____

"Ohhhh..wait a minute, I don't know your name" The young man raised his index finger as if remembering something.

"When it comes to mind... ..."

"Bilal's girlfriend...."

"Waahhh..sweet as you are" The young man pinched my cheek.

"I'm not Bilal's girlfriend, Abi said the courtship is not allowed in Islam haram law"

"Whaa...ha...."Hearing what I said like an adult, the two young men in front of me laughed out loud

"Well little Ustadzah" Once again the young man whose smile resembled Bilal had pinched my cheek slowly

"Come..enter..ke in, your girlfriend ..ehhh..

   "Don't be too formal so kakk.here is my second home, I'm often here so..This host already knows me very well, they already think of me like their family"I'm talking again mature

"Ha.ha..."They laugh again

"She doesn't know who you are Iz...."Ha...ha.

   I went inside ahead of them, I immediately occupied the sofa in the living room of the Abimana family, I sat elegantly on the sofa glancing _lyrics at the two young men waiting for them to approach me

  They laugh out loud_pawns still laughing at my pretentious adult attitude, they sit on the sofa in front of me

"Don't you just say, you've been considered a family here, I didn't just go into Bilal's room, he said he wanted to see Bilal?

"That's a disrespectful name, brother, even though I've been considered family but I also have to know the limits"

"O...iya.kak we have not met , introduce my name Sakina Nabila fatahillah"I reached out my hand to the older brother who was smiling at me, they both smiled at me , ' ' she said ,you could say I still laugh at my attitude

"I also introduce my name Muhammad Raiz Abimana" The boy welcomed my hand and mentioned his name

"But the name feels familiar" I raised my eyes above thinking of something, they smiled again looking at me, they knew I was thinking of something

"Ohhhh...his daughter ustad fatahillah"?My brother's voice broke my daydream and it turned out that he knew my father

"Yes I'm Abiku's daughter" I nodded reassuringly to the brother who asked earlier, they smiled again

"My name is MUBARAK HADI...."The other brother, who was silent when he saw me at the door, introduced himself

    I welcomed his hand and said my name once more in front of him,then he raised his left hand and his left hand landed on my cheek he did the same thing that the other brother did, which was pinch my cheek

"You're so sweet....."The brother smiled sweetly at me, I returned his smile

"Try you tuh an adult girl for sure I immediately like you"The brother patted and rubbed_ngusap my cheek, I smiled without feeling uncomfortable ,because I think of it as a form of affection for someone more mature to me as ever done by my Abi or my uncle_uncle who gales at seeing me.

  But suddenly there was someone who brushed off the young man's hand and I saw his big hand was not much different from me, so he was the same age as me and here was a child like me only Bilal, he said,I immediately turned my head and saw who the child was, when I saw it there was a sense of relief in my heart

"He's mine don't touch him" Bilal immediately hugged me and took me a bit away from the two young men earlier,and I just accepted Bilal's possessive treatment to me that he's been doing since he was a kid and all that possessive nature became more so when Bilal saw me in the bullies of bad kids at our school who really liked it bothering his other students.

"Waahh...wahhh.your brother is possessive of Iz" The young man who claimed to be named Mubarak clapped his hands as if mocking Bilal.

  "That's not dating' kok,peluk_hat hug"?The only young man who was named Raiz spoke to corner me

"We're not going out with him, are we Bilal?I saw Bilal

"We are not going out" Abi said that Haram should not be done.Bilal nodded in agreement to my words.

"I'm just protecting her from you naughty lads" Bilal said still hugging me

"But Bilal ....why don't you' want to tell him who am I?

"He thought we were guests?

"Ohhhh...yeah..I forgot not' the same story you were when, he's my brother, MUHAMMAD RAIZ ABIMANA"

"OHHH.....So he's your brother Bilal"

"Then her brother Bilal, my brother, too, right.....?

"He's maniss' sister....."Raiz rubbed my head

"Try..my sister is sweet as a gini"Sir Raiz pinched softly on my cheek again.

"Ngga' recalcitrant kayak this one"And Raiz's brother even rent Bilal's ear

"Sister Raiz is sick....."Bilal yelled at his brother

"If Raiz's brother was Bilal, then who was that brother"?I pointed at the young man

"Ohhhh.he was the brother of Raiz" Bilal answered me.

"Mean my friend too" I said innocently, making Raiz's brother and the other young man smile

"He...dong.take this brother a friend too"Sister answered me enthusiastically.

"But the big brother was happier to be considered a lover" he grinned at Bilal's teasing

"Don't try_try"Bilal covered me with his body trying to block my sister's view of me

"Had been told earlier that he was mine "Bilal spoke the angry style of a child, which even made the two adults in front of us laugh at Bilal's behavior

"YES....Yes, you are a child"The brother was named Mubarak Hadi and I called him Kak Barak.

"You want to play ..... on what page are we in my room"?Bilal asked in a subtle voice I wanted to answer him but the laughter of the two young men stopped me

"Ha.ha.....😂😂😂😂😂"They both till hold their stomachs

"So you're often alone in the room"?Raiz looked at us while still laughing

"Ohhh....Raiz.it looks like you'll be stepped on with your sister"Sister Barak said something we don't understand at all

"Don't go in the dengerin..ayooo...to my room"!Bilal pulled my hand and took her to Bilal's room and it was true that I was used to being in Bilal's room without feeling uncomfortable ,papa and Bilal's mom are used to seeing me in and out of Bilal's room

"Behold, do not abhor Bilal"Bilal covered my ears, but I did not understand the meaning of the two brothers*

     That was my first meeting with Barak and also Raiz, from the story Bilal turned out that his brother Raiz lived with his grandmother abroad, when they moved to Indonesia and lived in my village ,raiz's brother was already attached to his education there so Raiz's sister lived with their grandmother.

   And Barak is a friend of Raiz, they here he said want to see the Business opportunities in Indonesia, even though they were still in college 2nd semester at that time, but had thought to start a Business

   Youth_youth very great and intelligent, I admire them both, so when they are in this village I often play with them and take a walk to enjoy the beauty of my village,of course accompanied by Bilal who was loyal beside me without giving a chance to his brother and friend it approached me.

   I smiled to myself considering Bilal's behavior that was very attentive to me long ago, but now Bilal has changed, even if my heart for Bilal has not changed still the same as it used to be and the news about Bilal's heart,I have to ask who, there is no way I asked Bilal all that later he grew up again and finally I became the subject of ridicule

   Does Bilal not remember Barak?I asked myself my heart, I just when I first met Barak it took me some time to realize that he was the person I knew.