The Young Wife's Rhyme

3. Goodbye

Sis, sis,

For you whom I have always longed for in prayer,

To you that I can only leave to the Supreme One,

For you I pray always your happiness.

Sis, sis,

Sayyidina Ali Bin Abi Talib once said,

That what is your destiny, he will find his own way to find you.

Sis, sis,

Every night I pray, hoping to tickle the Almighty to unite us.

But Sis, you,

Can the Power not unite us? Is it not your destiny that I ask for?

Sis, sis,

If I am disappointed that fate has not brought me to you, can I complain to His Lord?

Sis, sis,

If indeed this love that meets you has no hope of coming your way, do I have to say goodbye?

Yes, goodbye, brother. With the wind I leave this miss to you.

Greetings, Danisa Ainun Mahya.

My body sagged as I wrote the last note before finally folding this fifty-fourth letter. Only fifty-four can I gather in the past year. In the end, I had absolutely no chance to deliver all these letters to the owner.

The classroom was empty and there I was alone staring out the window, with all my thoughts like tangled threads. This morning's quarrel with Abi and Umi completely drained all my energy and emotions today. I can't even focus on the subject of Islamic Education Philosophy this time because

the fight always looms.

How this time I felt like a bad boy. My heart throbbed in pain when I saw Umi's tears melt because of me. I felt so guilty for letting the woman who gave birth to me cry so sad. Even with Abi who was very angry and did not hesitate to yell at me for the first time.

Is defending my right so sinful? Until I felt so hurt the parents I loved the most.

“Can, not home yet?”

I gasped in shock when a voice greeted my soul kindly. My eye bead immediately caught the figure of the glasses-tall man greeting me with a sweet smile.

Oh, my God, that's so sweet. I really wanted to scream with all my might when I saw him.

Yes, the assistant lecturer whom I admired greeted me. Smiled at. Also, he called my name sweet. Brother Rendra, seeing you I want to throw all the letters I wrote for him, so that at least he knows how I feel.

No. gabe. I can't.

My current situation clearly does not allow me to act that frontally. I just wrote him a goodbye letter, because I was pessimistic about keeping this feeling for a long time.

I smiled and shook my head. “Not yet, there is a task so all I work here related again diligently.”

“Ya already, later be careful ya home.” Rendra smiled once more before finally returning home. He returned to class because his notebook was left behind.

After Rendra's death, I looked back. It feels lazy to go back home, but I don't know where to go. Honestly, I was a quiet kid and rarely went out. So that my association is less extensive and of course I find it difficult to find friends.

I enjoy my solitude. Away from the hustle and bustle of people's scorn and living enjoying my own world. I prefer to work with novels and poetry books.

In the end I moved, inevitably I had to go home because there was no other destination that could be visited. Although all the way daydreaming, thinking about what I should do at home in the cold as it is now.

I let out a long sigh. Seems like confining yourself in a room is not a bad idea.

***

“Kak Nisa fight yes same Abi and Umi?”

Ghina, my biggest sister entered my room after Isya while carrying a plate of rice and side dishes. Seeing the food, the worms in my stomach immediately raced out his loudest kicks. Very hungry because since I came home this afternoon I have not eaten.

“Umi told me to bring sister food because from home college sister has not eaten.” Ghina placed the rice-filled plate on my study table. “Don't long ago kalo kalo berantem the same old man, pity Umi from earlier to mind kak Nisa continues.”

I shut up, shuffled down from the bed and sat down in front of the study table. Stupidity with that fight, the most important thing was to calm my stomach worms first.

“What's the problem, brother? Sister Nisa can tell me if you can not bear alone,” Ghina said again. He sat himself on my bed, watching me eat.

“You don't need to know, it's an adult problem,” I replied indifferently.

After all, I don't want to drag my sisters into this matter. Although Ghina was already an adult and entered the second grade of High School, but to me she was still my little sister.

“Kak, I'm already big!” Ghina sulks in annoyance, making me laugh.

“I don't like it if Abi equals Umi burdening sister with all the problems, just because the brother is the first child. We're family, we should take it all together, right?”

I kept my chewing low when I heard the Ghina protest. Unknowingly made me smile a little but on one hand feel sad. My sister is growing up and understands me.

“Udah, I'm okay, later if I'm married and follow the husband, you get ready to change me to be the oldest brother in the house,” I said a little laugh, I said, so that Ghina would not worry too much.

“Big brother was malem applied huh? Brother want to marry?”

Ghina's question almost choked me. Any idea where this kid is from?

“Kakak said he wanted to go to high school and become a lecturer. If sister married so soon, then what dream sister?”

Ghina really made me want to shed tears. I put down the spoon I was holding with a squeezing hand. The rice on the plate is still half left, and I am now so lustingless to eat again.

“Sorry brother, last night I was eavesdropping on a conversation in the living room. I feel sorry for you brother, why you should be a victim of the selfishness of our parents.”

I heard Ghina's voice start to shake, making me turn my body to look at her. His face was covered with tears streaming down his cheeks. I don't understand why he's crying for me.

Then, various words began to slide from Ghina's mouth. Long story he told me. About that sudden proposal, about my quarrel with Abi and Umi. About how the matchmaking can be approved by Abi. Also, about the real reason behind all the coercion against me.

I'm tergugu.

My body was squeezing knowing everything Ghina said. How my brother cried over me for pitying me. How could Ghina know all that? Where did he get all that information?

I started crying.

Crying over my life being the victim of all this. Crying over me this time seems like I really have to say goodbye to all my dreams.