The Young Wife's Rhyme

15. Honey Is Not Always Sweet

“Wah..”

I looked in amazement at the expanse of stars scattered over the sky. It was as if competing with each other emitted the brightest rays. My heart suddenly calmed down to see such a beautiful night sky from up here.

Why do I never know if there's such a beautiful place in my hometown?

“Where? Didn't Niesel get brought here?” ask Mas Daffa who just returned from the mosque after completing the Islamic prayer.

I nodded and smiled happily. It was unexpected that Mas Daffa knew many beautiful places in this city. I thought he was just a workaholic guy.

“Mas Daffa come here often, yes?” askaku.

He nodded, sipping his black coffee slowly because of the hot steam that was still steaming. “This is her favorite place Hana.”

My smile suddenly faded, especially when he actually smiled widely while looking at the expanse of the sky above. Ah, everything I did today seemed like Hana's favorite.

There is nothing wrong with it, but I also like it. But seeing Mas Daffa's smile that was too wide when talking about Ms. Hana, made me realize that it seemed very unlikely that I could occupy a little space in his heart.

Mas Daffa loves Hana too much. Yeah, I know that. Very well understood.

I took a deep breath, reluctant to speak again. I don't know why my heart is still not comfortable especially when it comes back to remembering if I am just honey Ma'am Hana.

God, why is my heart still so weak? I don't feel ready to face this complicated feeling. I was always upset and worried, making me sometimes hate myself.

“Can, you often daydream yes?”

Mas Daffa's question woke me up from daydreaming. I carved a stiff smile and shook my head slowly.

“Not in fact Mas, just sometimes the brain content of the same heart often quarrel and argue and that is almost every time.” I chuckled lightly, because that is what I often feel. “I am often silent because I have to be observant to choose to obey my brain or my heart.”

Mas Daffa chuckled in response. “Again, God did give us both to use as well as possible. There are times when situations that we think should be taken over by the heart, but are better balanced by the brain. Therefore, the path of both should be balanced. If one of them lame, it could be that we will actually be less civilized and knowledgeable humans.”

I nodded, confirming what Mas Daffa said. Once again I was impressed because of his adult attitude, but this afternoon he was still like a carefree and excited little boy. It was a duality that astonished me.

I was about to open my mouth to speak again, when a couple of lovebirds approached our table and a man who seemed to be the same age as Mas Daffa, patted my husband on the shoulder. I immediately paused my intention of seeing Mas Daffa greet them intimately. Must be his acquaintance or a colleague in his office.

“Got expecting to see you here.” The man laughed as he patted Mas Daffa on the shoulder, and the woman next to him laughed at their closeness.

“How are you doing?”

“Outstandingly. How are you?”

“Alhamdulillah all good too.”

“Eh said Hana abis operation. How's things? How come I didn't see him anyway?” The man's wife changed who asked, making a big smile Mas Daffa fade replaced by a stiff smile.

“Hana is good. He I forbid to go out first because his physique still often drops. So yes at home, look after my mother.” Mas Daffa tried to smile, although I could see his smile being so forced. I probably didn't expect to see his friend here either.

The two nodded, but I could see from the corner of my eyes when the man glanced at me again, then glanced at Mas Daffa alternately. As if asking through his eyes about me.

I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. It feels like running away. As far as possible, I'm not in a situation like this. How yes? It is hard to explain this feeling. It's just that I'm really depressed with their questioning gazes.

“Oh knowsin, this is Danisa, my wife.” Mas Daffa said straightforwardly and honestly, I myself did not expect the answer.

I could see the expressions of his two friends who were shocked. Even the man did not hesitate to hit Mas Daffa's arm hard. As well as the gaze of the woman who threw a cynical look at me.

Ah, this is what I was afraid of from the beginning. How does the stigma of society that views the status of the second wife ugly. Even those common people who do not know how the true story is, will easily judge the second wife as a bully of the household of people.

My heart felt more and more slashed when the man blatantly asked why Mas Daffa could marry me despite knowing that Ma'am Hana was fighting for her illness. I really want to run now.

“How are you, Daf? She agrees?”

The question just slid from the woman's mouth, without thinking about my feelings that were still in front of them and of course hearing them clearly. Once again I was just a weak woman, not daring to raise my head and reply to their words.

“Aduh, please don't look at Danisa with an accusatory look. I married her of course with the sincerity of Hana, as well as our parents. Please don't look at my wife with one eye.” Mas Daffa said sternly, trying to defend me from their cynical gaze.

“Sorry, Daffa, I didn't expect it. Hana's a good friend of mine and I know very well that she doesn't like to be cheated on, so I'm kind of suspicious if you say even this is Hana's wish. You didn't want her to accept your second marriage, did you?”

Daffa rubbed his face. I knew he was distressed, but my tongue was twisted and I couldn't say anything to defend him. I could only look down and hold back my tears from spilling over.

Oh God, I want to study hard and hold it, but I can't. I'm not used to this situation.

“Excuse me, Mas Daffa, I'll wait in the car aja.” My voice trembled even though I tried as hard as I could to hold it.

I did not think of paying proper farewell to Mas Daffa's two friends, who I thought was just that I wanted to run as far away as possible. I couldn't help my ears to keep hearing their scorn. I want to cry as hard as I can.

I ran as fast as I could, not wanting to pay any more attention to the painful cynical look from them.

Yeah, I'm stupid. I took this marriage for granted just out of consideration for my family. I never thought about the other impact that turned out to be a big influence on the sanity of my soul.

Blasphemous looks and gazes by others.

Just now I felt happy because I could be treated well by Mas Daffa and Mbak Hana, but now I seem to be slapped by the reality of social society.

That honey, not always sweet.

That being a second wife, will receive more blasphemy and skewed views than happiness.

I don't know, I hope I'll be strong.