The Wasted Bride

Answer Arwaa

The man's family gave me a week to decide on the answer to their first son's proposal.

And during that time also, this self never stops merunagat to Him in prayers istikharah hoping for the best answer.

But maybe it is not time for me to rebuild the household heresy with anyone at this time, because my heart still hesitates even though it has endeavored to do Istikharah prayer.

Excuse me...

***

This heart kept pounding waiting for the arrival of the family who were waiting for my answer to the proposal of their first son.

Not because there is love but more fear will make them disappointed with my decision.

"They've come" Aunt Claire told me.

"Remember, don't feel pressured by anything that makes you give the opposite answer to your heart,"

"Because as you know, you're going to live it later."

"Yes Aunt. Thank you," I said sincerely.

Afterwards I followed behind Aunt to the living room.

My throat suddenly felt dry to find the gentle smile of the man wearing the light blue shirt.

"Assalamu'alaikum Arwaa" he said.

"Wa'alaikumsalam."

I smiled slightly and nodded before positioning myself to sit between Grandpa Harry and Uncle Jhonny facing the male family waiting for my answer.

I looked at them one by one.

Abba, Amma, and their first son, Mehmet.

Yes, it was Mehmet who came to ask me after the incident at his house 2 months ago with Mas Genta.

I don't know if it turns out that Mehmet's been harboring special feelings for me. Before I only considered her friendly attitude to me because I was a good friend of Naina's, but it turned out...

There's no reason to reject Kak Mehmet's proposal actually.

A friendly, affectionate and respectful attitude towards women, I can see how she treated Amma and Naina.

In addition, his handsome face is also his economic condition which is arguably sufficient, as a bonus, because most importantly, Kak Mehmet is a figure who understands religion.

But as I have said before, if this heart remains doubtful even though this whole week I have never missed the prayer of istikharah.

Could there still be a sense left behind for my ex-husband?

Impossible...

I took a breath and closed my eyes for a moment, calming down and suddenly panicked at the worry over failure that might happen again.

Maybe this is the answer God gave. It would be a sin to accept Kak Mehmet's proposal just because he is my best friend's brother. Without feeling love for him.

People say that love comes with time. But to me it was all nonsense, evident from the experience I had with Mas Genta.

That husband...

Ah, I mean ex-husband. He never loved me for 2 years of our marriage. Even at the last moment, he begged to come back.

I'm sure it wasn't love that drove him to do that. Except for the regret and disappointment of his treatment of me all along.

"Don't feel bad about me or Abba and Amma. We'll respect your decision Arwaa, whatever it is."

That's what Naina said last night by phone, before she asked permission that she could not come home because there were activities on her campus that she could not leave.

Therefore my determination has been unanimous to reveal all my heart, even if it should disappoint Kak Mehmet and his Family.

Because if I may be honest, behind my admiration for the figure of the man of Turkish descent. There is only a feeling of respect and care like a sister to the brother.

Yeah, I've considered Kak Mehmet like my brother. Even though I know there's no blood connection in us.

"How's Arwaa?"

"Grandpa is sure you're a good fit for each other, even if you haven't known each other for a long time,"

"After all of us know Mehmet was a nice and polite man. He is also an independent figure and an expert in business," explained Grandpa Harry made me look at him.

Ah, looks like Grandpa wants me to accept Mehmet's proposal for one thing, profit.

But different from Grandpa. Although he is friendly and also affectionate towards me but he is still a capitalist-minded person.

Do or receive something when you benefit from it.

And if I marry Mehmet. Of course he will be very happy because he can do business cooperation with the Ghifari Family.

It can't be. Of course, no one forbids it if my grandfather wants to work with the family business, Kak Mehmet. But you don't have to sacrifice me too to smooth their cooperation.

"It's okay. Just follow your heart. All the decisions are with you Arwaa," shrewd Uncle Jhonny holding my hand made me turn to him and smile.

Before I returned to look at the Ghifari Family before me and strengthen myself.

I closed my eyes for a moment and breathed.

Bismillah...

"Abba, Amma, and Mehmet, before I want to thank you for your kind intentions towards me" I smiled at him.

"Sister is a kind, responsible, and affectionate man, seen from the way Big Brother treats the Big Brother family, and I admire that a lot,"

"During the time that Brother gave me to think about the decision on this matter, I never missed beristikharah every night. Expect the best answer to Brother's good intentions from Him,"

I looked at the happy look on Abba's face, and Amma's.

A little surprised because of Brother Mehmet who looks sad with my expression. He seemed to understand so much that he nodded with a faint smile before saying the word without a sound, but I was able to catch his point.

"It's okay, I sincerely love you."

Both hands held tightly to minimize this painful vibration in my heart over the decision I was about to give.

O God, may You give a good soul mate and a prayer for this man before me.

"Bismillahirahmanirrahiim..."

"I am Arwaa Keminung Bhurri, rejecting the proposal of Mehmet Yazdi Al-Ghifari."

Everyone was silent to my answer. Abba, Amma, and also my mother's family.

I can feel Uncle Jhonny embracing and patting me on the shoulder, soothing.

"Don't feel guilty. Whatever your answer is, it will surely be best for you and Mehmet" he whispered.

A hue of disappointment emanated from Abba, Amma, and of course also Kak Mehmet. Even so they still give her smile, even though it looks sad in my eyes.

"Thank you Arwaa with your answer to my proposal. I know that your decision is not solely in your heart, but there is God's intervention in remembering yourself who is always wise to Him. And I'll try to sincerely accept it for now..."

I looked up at Kak Mehmet who looked like he was smiling excitedly.

"Because I can't give up just for failing once. Who knows God will change our destiny to be together if I improve and establish myself to be your husband" Mehmet told me in tears.

I am sorry that I have not been able to dispel this doubt and fear in my heart.

"Thank you Arwaa for your answer. Abba was convinced by what Mehmet had said if you decided this was not just about your feelings and we and our family appreciated it,"

"But as you heard earlier, Mehmet will stop at nothing to make himself a good husband to you. That's why Abba hopes that in the future you will not be reluctant to our family, especially with Naina and Mehmet. After all you have also Abba and Amma considered as our own children," explained Abba wisely smiled at me, as well as Amma.

The other with Mehmet. Although there was a smile on his face, it still did not eliminate the disappointment that was implied.

"InshaAllah Abba" I said.

The atmosphere was quiet and awkward, only to hear a clear sigh beside me, it seemed like Grandpa was very disappointed with my decision as well.

"O... Oh well what if now we eat. All typical Nusantara cuisine, Arwaa that cooks it," said Bibi Claire enlivened the situation.

Seen Abba and Amma were excited to hear Aunt's words. They really like Nusantara cuisine as I usually make with Amma when visiting their home.

"Come on... Come on..."

Everyone went to the dining room, followed by me and Mehmet at the back.

"Sorry," I said, making Mehmet smile at her.

"Nobody should apologize or forgive Arwaa. I don't blame you for rejecting my proposal, either, because somehow I realize what I'm doing is in such a hurry without thinking about how you're feeling about your recently divorced ex-husband,"

"But I hope you can improve your feelings so that someday you can reconsider myself" he said with a gentle smile and passed me who was silent to his words.

Whenever and whoever it is, I will always wish you the best.

***