So My First Two Wives of Love

Egotistical

I sat quietly looking at my father who was sitting at the dinner table with my grandmother and Gibran.

This awkwardness cannot be avoided especially for my grandmother, she may have forgiven but she also became more silent because of my father's presence while Gibran took this opportunity by continuing to be by my side.

He held my hand without letting go. Showing my father that our relationship was fine while holding a sleepy-looking Aurora in his lap.

"Dad what?" it's not that, I didn't mean to be cold but I couldn't be warm to her either, this situation made my chest tight.

My father smiled awkwardly, he looked so nervous that he needed to quell his nervousness by sipping a glass of water.

"Dad just happened to pass by and kept stopping here, miss the same mother," he replied slowly.

"Dad ain't Grandma's son-in-law anymore."

Her pupils dilated, it seemed like my words hurt her heart but I could not see my grandmother becoming moody due to her presence.

"Dad knows, but your grandmother is like a mother to me."

I took a deep breath and glanced at my grandmother who seemed to quickly wipe away her fallen tears.

"Let's eat don't talk anymore" said my grandmother, scooping fried rice on my father's plate, my grandmother did the same for me and Gibran but not for herself.

"You eat, Grandma is not hungry" said my grandmother who immediately passed away to enter her room, she also brought Aurora with her.

Now that the atmosphere of the dining table became silent, none of us touched the dish in front of us.

"Are you two together again?" My father started the conversation but I didn't answer.

"Yes." Yeah." Gibran's words are short.

"Save a couple of days for me to come to your house but it's quiet that no one opens the door."

"What's your purpose here? Nyariin me? Want to take Rora from me?"

As before, my father did not answer, he was silent for a moment.

"Jasmine..."

"I'm happy, same Gibran I'm happy..." I cut off his words while tightly grasping Gibran's hand to endure my pain as this lie felt like a poison that spread through my body quickly.

The truth is I'm not happy, I'm never happy...

"Jasmine although time between us is wasted a lot but you are still my biological daughter, just by looking at your eyes, I already know that you are not happy. I can feel it, son." said my father, touching my hand, but I pulled it right away.

"I've been unhappy since my father left my life, I've been unhappy ever since my father suddenly arrived when it was too late to forgive. The wound you saw wasn't because of me and Gibran but because of you."

"Jasmine... Then let me make it up to you."

"By taking Aurora? He is the only happiness I have. How else am I supposed to say that Rora is my life now?!" My voice started high, she made my grandmother the reason when the goal was still the same.

Even though Ruby said that my father always called me in his sleep, but he was never there for me, he never gave me any real affection even up to this point, the love and care he showed me just kept entangling me to great pain and fear.

Ruby, ever since my father let me go, ever since he left me, despite his longing, I never wanted him to come back to my side.

You shouldn't have come this far to hurt me, Ruby...

I never wanted my father to come back to me. If only you knew, I love you more than I love our father, would you still hate me, would you still want to hurt me this much?

"That's wrong, we may be in a difficult phase but we won't get divorced! So dad, while I still respect you, please don't interfere in our domestic affairs let alone think of taking Aurora from us because you don't have the right to do so" Gibran said.

"Dad, gohome... Your wife, don't ignore her like you ignored my mother. Rora won't be like Ruby or like me, Gibran isn't a bad father like you."

One thing I know for sure now, if not everyone is good, some of them are too selfish.

My answer might hurt her, scratching a deep wound in her heart but it was nothing with the wounds that had been weighing on my life, weighing on Ruby's life.

The wounds you give us that always sincerely love you but you share them selfishly.

I left him, I let my father cry alone at the dinner table while I went to the backyard of the house followed by Gibran.

Sit still for a while, none of us spoke as if Gibran understood that I would be torn apart if I spoke because now I was holding back the pain at the end of my throat that was suffocating.

Gibran then got up because the drizzle began to come down but he came again with an umbrella in his hand and paddled me.

"Your father has gone home" he said, now standing next to me, and then I started crying.

I lowered my head, crying with a trembling body, rather than love, I felt more that my father hated me until he constantly disturbed my life.

Gibran did not try to calm me with his words, he just rubbed my head and hugged me so I could lean on his waist and cry until I was tired.

"When I found out you had the same father, I was thinking of helping Ruby get you to meet your father again, that way you might be happy but if I knew she was happy to hurt you like this then I shouldn't have accepted Ruby's offer from the start."

I shut up and listened, Gibran said, which I did not fully understand what he meant while I still found it difficult to stop my crying.

"Sorry Jasmine, I hurt you more... I'm sorry I didn't ask you first about your feelings. I just saw without knowing what it's like to be you holding your life longing for her until I forgot she also incised so many wounds while going from your life."

"A late regret does that still mean, Gibran? Whatever the reason, you and my dad. The love you've always talked to me is in fact the pain that slowly kills me. How am I supposed to talk to you guys to stop?" I asked as I looked up at the end of my sentence and looked at him desperately until Gibran's tears slowly dripped down on my eyes, flowing down my cheeks as if they were my tears.

I don't understand why you guys are like this now? When I gave up you started to poke me with the love you promised me as if it was the cure of all my pain, but I started to overdose and get hurt worse...

If only you knew I was dying now, it would be too late to save me...

"What if I go... You're gonna be happy, Jasmine?"

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