So My First Two Wives of Love

Bereft

Juna did not leave even after Gibran and Ruby's son was born and his crying voice broke the tension-filled silence from then on.

Not long after that the doctor came out, I saw them all gathered around the doctor while I did not dare to approach at all.

"You don't want to see your nephew?" juna asked, his voice sounding soft. I knew he was injured even his hand that was currently grasping my hand still felt trembling. I really don't understand, Juna showed too much love for me but I still can't repay him and my status now makes it even harder to accept.

"I'll wait, even if it's a year, two years or whatever time it takes for you to let go of everything and come back to me, me and my feelings will remain the same so don't forget me..." juna said before letting go of my hand and stepping away from me.

It would be much better if Juna let me go, but he kept me tied up, so strong and made me feel guilty all the time.

I came back crying, I couldn't stop crying until I had to cover my face with both hands and hope that all this was just a nightmare.

"Jasmine..." Mama Gibran called out to me, I could feel her sitting next to me and her arms stretched out against my increasingly hollow body.

"Tell me, mah... Tell me that all this is a dream." I asked softly, I turned to look at the face I had always missed. He was crying, a bitter cry that confirmed everything that this reality was so painful.

The operating room door opened, Ruby's body was pushed out by the nurse, my cry grew louder as the cloth covering her face blushed and revealed her pale face.

"Ruby's..." I cried not to see it, my guilt suffocated me.

***

Ruby's funeral was held the next day, when it was still so early in the morning even the dew had not dried up. The wind gushed as a tombstone bearing Ruby's name stuck in her last courtyard.

Ruby left behind a wound so deep, my sweet sister that sometimes pisses me off but I could never really hate her.

I loved him from the beginning, from the first time he greeted me and asked me if I wanted to be his friend. He is the one who left us all in pain and loss that we will never forget.

One by one the people left this cemetery and only me and Gibran were left.

"Go home..." Gibran's voice sounded hoarse, he only cried since yesterday, his eye bags had even blackened because he had not slept all night, we all could not sleep because Ruby's departure was so sudden.

To be honest I still want to be here, I want to express a lot of my regrets to Ruby but I don't want to bother Gibran who might also want to express his heart to his late wife.

"Ruby, I'm coming home." I said as I peeked at Ruby's tombstone and stepped away from the burial area with a heavy heart.

I don't know where to go now, it feels like I'm lost. All of this was too painful and confusing so I chose to sit in an empty chair that was still in the burial area.

Staring blankly straight at the sky that was beginning to cloud. It looks like the rainy season this time will be as bad as the rainy season five years ago.

My tears drip along with the drizzling rain that falls. While lapping my chest, I hoped the tightness in my chest would disappear but not diminish in the least. This fate feels terrible...

"How am I supposed to go through all this, Ruby? I should how?" I cried and kept crying, the pain of losing her tormented me.

"I have to how..."

I wish I could see you again, I wish I could turn back the clock and go back to when everything was still fine and carve out a lot of good memories with you... Throwing away my selfishness, being your good sister maybe you won't experience any of this...

"If you had known, even before I knew you were my sister... I already love you..."

"Thank you..."

I looked over and found Ruby's mother sitting next to me. He looked so grieved that his face also looked pale.

"Thank you for loving my Ruby and sorry, maybe God took my daughter because of my mistake that hurt your mother first... It's my karma that my own daughter has to endure..."

She continued to cry, expressing her regret. Once destroyed, this life destroys us...

"Maybe Ruby already has a hunch, she left this to me two days ago. Said I should give it to you when she gave birth later, she asked me to apologize to you and admit my mistake... She who is so good, left so quickly to leave this cruel mother." said mama Ruby while giving a diary book belonging to Ruby. A slightly worn tome with his photo as his cover.

"Ruby is so beautiful." I commented as I stroked the cover of the book.

"Yes, she's very pretty... My daughter is so beautiful..."

"My sister is beautiful..."

"May I hug you?"

Her voice that trembled withstanding her pain made my heart ache and forgot all my hatred for her until I nodded even though these tears could not stop.

"Jasmine... Our ruby... Ruby is no more... He's gone, what should I do?" Mama Ruby cried bitterly in my arms with a trembling body, we cried as if the hostility had never existed.

Really, Ruby...

Loved you...

***