So My First Two Wives of Love

My first kiss belongs to you

My feelings got worse after that. When he saw Gibran could not take his eyes off Ruby who stepped into the gate of his towering house.

I envy her, I envy Ruby.

He had the perfect family, there was a doting father and a man who looked at him in a way I couldn't get my hands on.

The way Gibran looked at Ruby made my heart ache. I'm jealous, it doesn't seem to be just a friend of this jealousy.

I'm jealous because it seems like my feelings for Gibran are more than friends.

My miserable life is making me tired, this tightness that fills my chest is piercing my heart.

It was so painful because it seemed like I would get hurt again soon.

We arrived in silence, Gibran did not say anything after delivering Ruby and I also did not want to say anything because I was afraid to cry again.

I got off Gibran's car, he was seen running fast to open the car door for me but I got off first.

"What?" I asked as Gibran scratched his nape and looked a little embarrassed for not opening the door for me.

"Why come down first anyway?" gibran asked, looking disappointed. I smiled faintly at his expression and then I re-entered Gibran's car and closed the door.

It seemed silly that I was repeating the scene just so Gibran wouldn't feel disappointed and the man looked so happy with what I was doing that he kept smiling as he opened his car door for me.

"Please come down..."

I smiled once more even though my heart was not well but I kept trying to keep smiling because I did not want my sadness to affect Gibran and make him disappointed even though some of my sadness came from him.

It's her who probably loves Ruby...

It was probably me who was heartbroken to love him...

Gibran then opened the trunk of his car, he brought me my groceries and left me nothing to carry until I could only follow him behind and stare at his back which had been where I had been leaning.

My tears trickled again, imagining that the place might be owned by another woman made my heart ache.

I took a deep breath, hoping to ease the tightness in my heart a little so I could stop my crying but all I got was an increasingly suffocating feeling.

Why is everyone I love happy to leave me?

Like my father who left and forgot me, are you also going to leave me?

"Where are you at the taro?" gibran asked as soon as he arrived in the kitchen and put all our groceries on the kitchen table, I quickly wiped my tears.

"Hey, why cry again?" Gibran came straight to me and touched my face with both hands.

She looked at me with a worried look, she made it even harder as this feeling became more hopeful.

"Sorry Gibran, I think I'm emotional today. Loe will go home later my groceries are done. Thank you for shopping." I said while removing both hands from my face, I stepped into the kitchen.

I tried to stop crying, I wanted to stop this crying until my body trembled and made the groceries I was trying to stack into the shelves fall apart.

It felt frustrating, I wanted to let go of this pain even if I could just let go of my feelings for Gibran but how?

Tell me how?

While picking up the dropped milk boxes along with the flour packs, I kept crying. Like a pathetic girl who has nothing but pain in her life.

"Udah enough..."

I raised my gaze as Gibran held onto my trembling hand. She then helped me tidy up the falling items scattered on the floor while I sat limply on the cold kitchen floor crying and hid my face behind my arms that were hugging my knees.

Gibran trus arranged the groceries to the storage rack until it was finished then he sat next to me.

He did not say anything, Gibran just sat still and waited for me to cry as his hands stretched out to embrace my body that was still crying to the trembling and caressed my head that was leaning on his shoulder.

My crying was overflowing, her attitude made me want to have her.

Can I be selfish?

May I ask your heart that I will not be hurt again?

I really want to be selfish now...

I want to use you as a pain reliever in my heart, I want to use you to shift my pain from being dumped by my father...

I want to use you to get the happiness I have long missed...

I want to have you...

Can you, Gibran?

I lifted my head from Gibran's shoulder and looked at him deeply. Gibran didn't smile but he helped me wipe my tears, he helped me tidy up my messy hair, he looked at me gently and I held his hand that wanted to let go of my face, I didn't want him to stay away.

"Jasmine..." Gibran's voice sounded heavy, "for all that happened tonight..."

I closed my eyes when Gibran touched my lips with his thumb before he finally landed his lips on the surface of my lips.

Gibran kissed me very gently and also briefly.

Our eyes are still locked, Gibran's hands are still on my face. This kiss managed to drive away a little bit of my heartache until I wanted it again.

I want to kiss her again so the pain of my heart will go away right? Or I'll just end up getting hurt even more...

I might be crushed but I kept moving closer, I came closer and kissed her.

Our lips were fused together, soft and sweet while our eyes were open, staring at each other with a hint of confusion until Gibran pressed my nape and deepened our kiss.

My eyes closed tightly, feeling more deeply how Gibran sipped my lower lip up to my upper lip. He didn't give me the slightest gap to my lips.

Gibran made sure that my lips were entirely his...

Now how am I supposed to forget everything that happened tonight if my first kiss was with my first love?

With a man who only thinks of me as his best friend...

With a man who may love another woman...

Slowly our kiss came off, Gibran smiled faintly as he wiped my wet lips with his thumb.

"Feel better now?"

"Where do you learn that kissing makes you feel better?"

"The evidence now is that you stopped crying, right?"

"Mode! How many girls do you kiss this way?"

"Loe first, this first kiss belongs to you so shttt~ keep this secret between the two of us."

Gibran was still looking at me, as if he was waiting for me to answer.

"Yes." I replied quietly as I got up and hurried away from the kitchen but Gibran blocked my wrist and held my step.

"Ruby... Especially Ruby."

***