So My First Two Wives of Love

Wounds in the soul

Gibran kept looking at me, my eyes blank. I couldn't return her eyes but I knew she looked worried.

"Isn't mom the same?" asked Gibran gently, his crouching position before me sitting on the chair available in the cemetery complex made it difficult to avoid the look in his eyes especially Gibran grasped tightly both hands.

"You going home now?" Gibran asked once more and this time I nodded slowly.

"Come..." Gibran then turned his body, "come up." he asked who was ready to take a position to carry me on his back.

I no longer have the strength to walk but I also do not want to be in Gibran's arms.

"Jasmine... Please dong!" Gibran got up again, he made me stand up and put his sweater on my waist, so that the back of my skirt would not be exposed then he carried me on his back.

"Ngabisin the same time as my mom yesterday to loe so kangen mama loe ya?" gibran asked along the path to the exit of the cemetery complex.

I didn't answer, I just drowned my face in Gibran's neck and the man finally stopped talking and carried me quietly. Step by step, he walked quietly until I felt sleepy and finally fell asleep.

When we woke up we were already in our residential complex, the sun began to rise.

"Loe's way?" ask me in a hoarse voice because my position is still in Gibran's arms.

"Gue was afraid to wake up" replied Gibran who was still stepping.

"Down me..." I immediately asked to come down because my mother's funeral complex is located quite far from this housing complex, I don't want Gibran to get tired because he continues to carry me. Walking alone was very tiring especially Gibran had to do it while carrying me.

"Feel better now?" asked Gibran who finally let me down after I kept thrashing.

I didn't answer his question, his sweat distracted me until my hands moved against him. "Thank you." I said sincerely even though I didn't smile but after that I immediately stepped out.

Gibran sighed, maybe he was upset about my attitude but Gibran stayed with me.

...

I arrived home and my grandmother immediately ran to hug me as soon as I saw me enter the house. "Jasmine!" She hugged me so tightly while crying.

"Where are you, son? Grandma was worried because you were suddenly gone." asked my grandmother after releasing her embrace, she then checked my situation, looked from the bottom up and made sure I wasn't hurt in the least.

"Where have you met Grandma?" the worried voice of Gibran's mother who came along with Gibran's papa made me turn my head as well as Gibran who was surprised to see their arrival.

"Jasmine... Don't worry dong. Where'd you? Why didn't you go tell me?" ask Gibran's mother while hugging me very tightly.

I did come out when Gibran's grandmother and mother were asleep while Gibran's father was in the toilet. I didn't plan my departure secretly, it was just that the situation was like that and I was too upset to think about the impact it would have on those who cared about me so much since last night.

"Why can mommy be here? Jasmine had run out of her mother's grave. I'm the one who won." asked Gibran and explained.

"I'm cape mah, I want to rest. I'm sorry I made you all worry, but I want to be alone now." I said that I immediately stepped into my room and did not forget I locked it tightly so that none of them could enter.

I went back to crying, I regretted that it made them all worry but I can't think straight now. I'm so fucked... I mess with people who love me.

Excuse me...

Ii'm sorry...

***

I opened the door to my room after a long day of confining myself. The day has changed and it feels slow every second.

"You want to go to school now? Gibran hasn't picked me up yet, son.." asked my grandmother as she touched my face. My grandmother's hands were cold, her face was also a little pale and her eye bags were clearly visible in the blemish of her wrinkled lines.

"Grandmother, did you ever see me?"

My grandmother seemed surprised to hear my question but then she led me and took me to the dinner table.

"Jasmine..." My grandmother touched my hand after we sat on the dining table chair. There was a feeling of regret from the look in his eyes. "I'm sorry grandma.." Now the sadness is no longer hidden.

"Your father actually always comes every month to love money for your needs."

I was stunned to hear my grandmother's confession, barely believing it because I hadn't seen my father in a long time, since I was five.

"She's remarried, she's too shy to meet you so ask to keep everything a secret."

"Grandma lied, right?" ask me with a voice that shakes.

"I'm sorry, grandma... Though grandma knows you always miss your father but grandma can never say it, grandma is afraid you will choose to come live with your father and leave grandma alone. Grandma, what a selfish... Forgive grandma."

I pulled my hand from my grandmother's grasp and started crying. All of these facts torment me as if everyone was very happy to hurt me.

"I'm sorry, grandma..."

I refused to answer, with a trembling body I got up.

"I'm leaving." I said goodbye while holding back my tears, and acted as if I hadn't heard any explanation from my grandmother.

I feel betrayed...

My footsteps were wide, I wanted to quickly get out of the house because I was afraid that my anger would not be contained and would instead hurt my grandmother.

"Jasmine!" call Gibran but I ignored him when he got out of his car sign he came to pick me up.

"Jasmine, where are you going?" ask Gibran while pursuing my steps. "Hey... Why cry again?" ask Gibran while touching my face.

"Don't bother me, Gibran... I can't think straight anymore. Please don't block my steps!" I cried and shouted at him.

"Gue knew your father met you yesterday, but why did you get this? Isn't loe kangen all the time with loe's dad?" ask Gibran who keeps hold of me.

"Jasmine.." I felt someone touch my shoulder and she was Ruby.

Oh my... My crying is becoming.

"Gibran, please..."

"Jasmine Loe can't keep acting like this!"

"YES, HOW SHOULD I BEHAVE? FRETTING? THAT SENENG-SENENG? DO YOU WANT ME TO ACT LIKE A PERSON WHO HAS BEEN NINGGALIN ME ALL THIS TIME? DO YOU WANT ME TO GREET THAT PERSON WARMLY? FOR SOMEONE WHO WOULD RATHER HAVE A NEW FAMILY THAN ME..." I screamed, I screamed out all the anger I had been holding back from now on and took it out on Gibran.

"LOE WON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE BECAUSE LOE'S LIFE IS PERFECT! GIBRANS... PLEASES... PLEASE DO NOT FORCE ME TO ACCEPT EVERYTHING, PLEASE... I'm scared crazy! I think I'm going crazy... I'm going crazy." I was banging Gibran's chest so I cried, my head hurt, the wounds in this soul were eating away at my sanity and all Gibran was doing right now was hugging me.

***