So My First Two Wives of Love

Can't go back to how it used to be

"It looks like you forgot one thing, Jasmine... All your life, you've always been selfish."

I ran out of words, my body frozen still after hearing Gibran say about me.

Selfish...

Where's inscribed? Where can I find the selfishness that you mentioned is mine?

I want to find her, I want to be selfish and leave you once again...

Tight, my chest feels tight until I have difficulty breathing. Why is it that every time I feel that our relationship might improve, every time that our relationship is getting away, falling apart and not helped.

My body fell down, I cried sobbing on the floor for not being able to endure this heartache. Your words are like poison that is slowly killing me, Gibran...

Sick, I have no reason to escape this pain.

All this is making me die.

This fight split our world. My relationship with Gibran may never return to what it used to be even when morning came, Gibran was no longer at his parents' house. He left me and Aurora and confirmed that our relationship was not okay so his parents continued to apologize to me, especially Gibran's mother who had been wiping her tears ever since she handed him over back me.

"Papa gara ya, Jasmine.." I don't know how many times Gibran's father has persuaded me to drop off but I still insist on going home alone.

"I can go home by myself, pah. I asked my mom to order a taxi" replied me who tried to keep smiling even though my smile changed nothing including the sad look they showed me.

"Mom why dipesenin anyway?!" Papa Gibran looks angry but Mama Gibran just sighed, he seems to understand better if I want to be alone.

"Call my mom if there's anything?" pinta mama Gibran while touching my hand, he smiled warmly.

"Yes, um..."

I still can't even find my phone, but I can't say it or they might actually hold me here.

Not long after the taxi I ordered finally came, I immediately say goodbye to the house while holding Aurora.

On the way, my tears often dripped, I wiped them many times and turned my attention to Aurora, the tiny baby who was currently asleep in my arms but then, my tears flowed back.

I don't understand, I thought that I had gotten used to this pain but I was wrong, I could never get used to the pain even after I cried all night, my heart was still claustrophobic.

I shouldn't have to go back to this place, I should have wiped it completely out of my life, I should have learned to hate it, should have...

It seemed that regret was meaningless when I stared at Aurora's innocent face because if I didn't return then Aurora would have fared like me. My heart is back in pain. I kissed the tiny face while praying in my heart that in her life, Aurora only knew happiness not pain like me.

...

I finally arrived at Gibran's house, and I immediately placed Aurora's belongings in her room.

Aurora began to cry when I realized that this room had completely changed, there was a bed next to the Aurora bed while the chair that had been there had now moved to the window right in a closet that had not been there before. I wanted to check it out but Aurora's hungry cry made me put it off.

Sighing heavily, I tried to erase the sweet memory of Gibran's attitude in the supermarket yesterday so that this pain might also lessen but I was wrong once again, I'm still in pain no matter how I try to erase those memories.

Aurora was still crying, I immediately carried her into my lap and gave her milk.

"Well, son?" I said as I asked her to speak and she smiled even though Aurora did not release her milk bottle at all.

"Mother is also hungry, from yesterday mother did not eat... What's good to eat?" As if understanding all of my words, Aurora always looked at me every time I spoke and after that she would smile so beautifully.

"Have the mrs finished? Now come along mommy ya find food in the kitchen," I then carry it and put his head on my shoulder while patting his back slowly so that he burps after that I just stepped into the kitchen.

I opened the fridge door and found a lot of groceries there but it reminded me of the time I met Ruby and Gibran at the supermarket, their shopping trolley was full. I didn't want to cry but I couldn't help my sadness at remembering Ruby. While closing the refrigerator door again, I hugged Aurora tightly.

How could I think of being happy if this place belonged to Ruby? He should be here, he should be enjoying his good times with Aurora and my poor brother Gibran...

Miss you...

***

I looked at Aurora's face that was currently sleeping next to mine, my head ached, my body started to get cold and it seemed like I had a fever.

Not wanting Aurora to get sick from being too close to me, I finally chose to get out of the room.

With my body shivering, I grabbed my phone and searched for Gibran's contact on my phone. I don't know if his phone number is still active or not but he tried to contact him and it turns out that his number is still active.

Nervous and agitated, I waited for Gibran to pick up the phone from me but the man did not pick it up.

"Please send us Aurora's CCTV barcode" I wrote in a message I sent to Gibran but it was read without reply.

I started coughing but I immediately returned to Aurora's room. I stepped into the wardrobe, and when I opened it, my clothes were neatly arranged there.

Is it possible, Gibran composed? I don't want to hope, that guy won't do it, maybe he told someone else to put my clothes together.

Thinking about it would only make my heart ache, so I quickly picked up my jacket complete with a scarf and mask to make sure Aurora was safe near me, even so, I chose not to sleep next to her. I sat down on the long sofa and leaned back, feeling uncomfortable especially as my body was getting shivering but I didn't know what to do because my eyes were heavy, I don't want to fall asleep because I have to watch over Aurora but this body won't obey me.

I tried to open my eyes when I heard Aurora crying but my body still didn't listen to me.

"Rorra..." I muttered while trying to get up but I felt my body lift up.

"Why are you so stubborn?"

The voice sounded faintly in my ears as I felt the softness of the bed and my body began to lie down, I wanted to know who was scolding me until I tried hard to open my eyes and hurried to sit down.

"This one time is against me, Melati..."

***