Secrets of a Lesbian Heart

Traumatizing

The great disappointment and heartache felt by the Star of Yumie, made her feel traumatized and lost herself. He no longer believes in love, sincerity and loyalty, because he thinks all of it is the same and will end up disappointing.

The star who used to be always friendly and warm, and cheerful. Now it looks cold, indifferent and indifferent, especially to people who like it. He always avoids and becomes very quiet, not a few women who he refuses because he does not want to be involved again about love that he thinks only makes disappointed.

This was also realized by his Mother and Brother, making them sad for the changes that occurred in the Star. But they also can not do anything, to be able to restore the figure of the Star as they used to know.

"When are you like this, Bin..?" tya asked while sitting in the living room, watching television.

"What's this like, brother..?" ask the Star who was confused by the question asked by his brother.

"Yes your attitude for a few months, which is not what it used to be." said Tya explained the purpose of the question.

"I don't know either, because it all happens by itself. I also felt that now I was different, I lost my old self." said the Star that He himself did not know how to go back to what it used to be.

"It looks like you're traumatized Bin,mmmh.. Is that as bad as what Yumie did to you, until you became like this..?" ask Tya.

"Soak can shadow, how does it feel if the current Brother is considered everything but tomorrow it is thrown so. Right now, brother is flying very high, then tomorrow he drops it. It was so broken, even saying her name made my heart hurt.."

Said the Star while sighing deeply, while recalling what Yumie had done to her. Instantly it made his chest tight, feeling pain and sadness in his heart.

"Yeah Big Brother can understand, but you also have to learn to be sincere to accept everything. After all, it has been a few months, do not torture yourself like this." said Tya advising his sister.

"It's all out of my control, brother.. I also do not want to lose trauma and lose myself, but that's what I feel and I can't resist." said the Star with great emphasis, I wish my brother could understand how he felt.

"Not just don't want you to keep your hate and grudges, Bin.. It will only damage and harm yourself." explains Tya.

"Yes, brother, I don't want to talk about that anymore. I'm going to go to my room." exclaimed the Star with a look of annoyance, while walking towards his room.

"Why else, brother..?" asked Mother who suddenly came to Tya.

"So Tya tried to talk to the Stars about his attitude is Mom, but Bintang seems not to accept the talk of Tya,mmmh." said Tya with a sad face.

"So yes, it is better from now on do not question and discuss about your sister's change. The disappointment felt by the stars must be great, to make it so. We can't change it to go back to what it used to be, except." said Mom with a smile.

"Except what, ma'am..?" tanya Tya who was curious about the next words of Mother.

"Unless the Stars find someone who can make it back to what it used to be, but I think it will be very difficult and it will take a long time." explained Mother as she drew her breath.

"It's true that Mom said that, but that means the Star has to be involved with the relationship again dong, ma'am." exclaimed Tya while scratching her head which is actually not itchy.

"Then we just pray, the stars can return to how they used to be without having to establish a relationship with someone." said Mother.

"Yeah Ma'am, I hope so.." replied Tya.

Both of them were silent, now they focus on the television screen. Forgetting for a moment what they had just discussed about the Stars, and no longer thinking too much about it.

In his room, the middle star wrote. He poured out all his heart through writing, hoping to reduce the sadness he felt today. The sadness and disappointment that he thought would be prolonged, whether it would be over.

In the end, though,

I'm just a person who will always be left behind

What is needed when needed

And that which is made a stopover

Not really an option

It's not your fault, him or them

Who are too hopeful

Who too believe that sincerity exists

Who is too deeply in love

And dropped the whole heart

It was all my fault, though,

My folly

Who let the heart continue to be hurt

And always refrain from going

This forbidden love

Maybe just a dream...

It was written on a white paper that looked somewhat wet by her tears, which had been flowing since. The star wiped away his tears, and kept the diary in a drawer not far from his bed.

"Why are these tears still falling, and I am tired, very tired." muttered the Star in my heart, as she laid her body on the bed.

He tried to close his eyes, even though his heart was still awake. Feeling all the mixed feelings into one, forcing her tears to fall back. He cried again, then took a pillow to cover his face.

Almost every night the Star cried, though a few months had passed. But sorrow and disappointment still He felt, and the night was the most difficult time for Him to pass. Because at that moment, all the feeling as if coming over. Only silence and tears accompanied him, until fatigue and drowsiness came to make him fall asleep and forget everything.

~************~

Sarah: "Assalamu'alaikum, Bin.. How are you doing now..?"

Star: "Wa'alaikumsalam, thank God I am good. How are you and Sandra, healthy, right..?"

Sarah: "Thank God, Sandra and I are healthy. When are you going to play here again, Bin..? We all miss you know, really want to be together again like before.."

Star: "Yes Sarah, I also miss being able to meet you again. But I don't know when I'll be there again. Because I still want to get Mom home.."

Sarah: "Yeah Bin, it's okay. I can understand, anyway if you want to come and tell me.."

Star: "Yeah Sarah, that's for sure.."

Sarah: "Yaa Bin, if so, then phone. You're fine there, take care of your health.."

Star: "Yes Sarah, you too.. Say hello to everyone.."

Sarah: "Yeah Bin, I'll tell you. We'll call again sometime, wassalamu'alaikum.."

Star: "Iyaa Sarah, wa'alaikumsalam.."

The phone connection was cut off, Bintang was happy because all this time his friends still care and attention to him. Although he rarely contacted them first, but the relationship and communication with his friends remained good.

Now the Star lives his days as a different figure, but he still enjoys and accepts the changes that happen to him. While hoping, one day he can return to being his former self. Until then, he chose to be alone for a long time. Because the trauma of love is so great, itself becomes the best choice for the stars...

........Finished........