REX AND REN

I'll Try

After struggling with the paper and pen, I finally succeeded. Although I had to sacrifice dozens of sheets of paper for being wrong repeatedly, but I was able to finish it. I try to write a letter that is easy to understand and does not seem excessive. A letter that can describe my feelings without sounding embarrassing. And honestly it's very difficult. Even writing a love letter is harder than working on a hundred sheets of science essays. It was like I was forcing half a billion of my brain cells to work harder.

After that I folded the letter and immediately called Maya to inform her of my success. Hearing that he was very excited and gave other suggestions.

“Ren, the letter should not forget the perfume. Let the fragrance stick.”

For Maya's advice on this one I didn't think twice about rejecting it. Imagining a paper with a stinging fragrance, subconsciously made me shudder.

EW! that's very tacky.

I wasn't sure I'd actually give Abi this letter. Even I almost decided not to give it away and keep it to myself. But somehow part of me rejected the idea. Like someone whispering, ‘what's tired of writing if he finally won't know?’ I agree a hundred percent with that. But then another whisper was heard, ‘ sure you want to love him? Sure she has the same feelings as you? If not how? You must be embarrassed, right?’ I also accept that thought. But in the end I decided, I've come this far and I'll try.

Yesterday after the computer club meeting, I asked Abi if she had time because there was something I wanted to talk about. Abi nodded and said yes. We waited for the empty club room and while we were both staying, I ventured to say so.

“OK, what did you say, Ren?” abi asked while looking at me. Our position as usual, sitting next to each other.

I tried to gulp and then took a breath to calm my heart that was beating fast. Then I took my bag and reached into it. I slowly pulled out the folded letter and Abi seemed to be watching me with interest. I dared to look at Abi.

“It..” I handed the letter to him. Abi frowned looking confused.

“What is this?” tanyakanya.

“Su-ra-t.” said that as if it was very difficult to get out of my mouth. I felt my palms begin to sweat.

“Means?” ask Abi again, still not understanding.

“This is a letter to you. Please read, yes.” Abi had opened his mut to say something but he finally closed it back. Wh why? Does this mean he doesn't like me? Looking at her with such an expression, it made me hesitate and almost pulled back the letter in my hand to put it in the bag.

A second later he smiled as he took the letter from my hand.

“Alright.” said.

***

Today I was unceasingly looking at Abi who was busy with Rudy at the repair desk. They look to be fiddling with the PC and occasionally arguing with each other.

“This component should be replaced.” Abi said

“This is still okay, this just needs a connecting cable.” Rudy argued.

“The cable is fitting, the problem is this part.” Abi said again.

“Ya already, we add aja.” timpal Rudy with a tone insistent.

I don't know as seriously as what the problem is on that PC, but the turmoil I'm going through is more than serious now. Ever since I gave the letter, Abi never mentioned it in the slightest today. It's very unfair, because all night I couldn't sleep busy thinking about Abi's reaction to believing while he looked fine. Or maybe he didn't read it? Or even throw it away?

Abi was acting as usual towards me. He's still helping and explaining things if there's anything I don't understand. But today it was not only his good attitude that I expected, what else after I expressed my feelings through the letter. I want him to say, I don't know like, ‘Ren, no time? Somebody wants me to talk.’ Or, ‘Ren, thanks yes..later send reply by post.’ Anything that indicates that he has read it.

Right now my mind is crammed with a lot of speculation and strange questions. And it all adds up to my grief. What the hell am I doing! Unable to find an answer, I became annoyed myself.

“Ngapain, anyway?”

“Gosh!” I was surprised to find someone suddenly beside me. I turned and found Ferdi watching my computer screen.

“Bikin was shocked, anyway!” my annoyance.

“Means don't daydream.” spray it.

“Who daydreams, I'm working on my program.” I swiped the mouse roughly. It seems my mood is starting to deteriorate. Ferdi immediately smiled as he shook his head with a mocking expression.

“Ngerjain what program? How to finish trying, if from earlier you are just concerned about Abi.” he said while pointing to the repair desk. So he was watching me from then on? Very less work!

“Emang why? Any problems?” ask again.

“No, kok.”. For God's sake, my mood is bad right now and I don't want to argue. But it looks like Ferdi was intent on trying to harm me.

“Eits..do not lie...”.

“Apaan, hell!”

“Whispering!”

We both immediately heard the sound. Ferdi and I turned to the source of the voice and there was already Niko staring at us intently. With an expression of a face that seemed vengeful, he glared at the two of us in turn.

“If you guys want to hang out, get out there. Don't be here, noisy, disturb!” continue again with great emphasis. Even the last two words were spoken slowly as if Niko asserted that she really did not like our behavior. Or maybe he doesn't like my presence?

“He's human isn't, anyway?” I whispered to Ferdi who now pretended to look busy staring at the computer screen next to me which turned out he was just opening the game.

“I'm not sure either,” replied Ferdi like that, then he started playing solitary card games.

I glanced back at Niko who was already busy returning with her computer. Come to think of it, since I first joined this club, he has never been friendly with me. No, let alone being friendly, just saying hello almost never. Not that I expected him to rebuke me or anything, but should he behave like that? While Rudy who sucks sometimes still want to greet me. I wonder if she has a boyfriend? If the face is nice but with such an attitude, is there a girl who feels at home with him? Or even he never felt his name fall in love?

Uh, but wait a minute. I turned my head, looking at Abi who still looked busy with Rudy. It seemed like Niko's voice had no effect on her at all. When the feeling of anger came back to me, did Abi not read my letter?