Red Yarn (Oshi No Ko > Aqua X Kana)

Guilt

Aqua returned to her work. Performing drama as usual. Though the guilt did not stop haunting him. One month has finally passed. However, Arima has not yet been found, there is no clarity about it either.

Aqua sat beside the desk of director Gotanda. A black beret hat with ribbons behind it fell down the table. Aqua tried to grab it. A hand took the beret hat.

"Arigatou, senpai. I'm afraid it's dirty, but you took it." A girl in a sepaha dress stood in front of Aqua. He put on his beret hat and immediately walked away. 

"Arima.." whispered Aqua after seeing the girl with black hair leave. 

Director Gotanda looked at Aqua, hitting Aqua hard on the head with her drama script. Aqua who was already like her son looked pitiful. He is often daydreaming, rarely smiling, and not like having ambition.

"You're like a dead man." Gotanda reminded. "Look like a zombie."

Aqua just flinching, she realizes the strangeness of herself after Arima's departure. Even he had many times to be excited and cheerful. But everything feels impossible. Aqua seemed to lose her life spirit.

"Arima.." Aqua opened her mouth. Gotanda sat down, watching. "He always asked me to stop taking revenge. Before this incident, I intended to make Hikaru Kamiki die with my own hands." Aqua looked at her two shaking hands.

Gotanda looked at Aqua's already flushed face, he just lowered his head deeply.

"He even said he would remain my friend even though I would be labeled a criminal." Tears finally came out of Aqua's eyes. "But why did Arima die? Why exactly did he make that damn Hikaru Kamiki go to jail and now he's dead!!!" Aqua held tightness in her chest.

Arima's smiling face now filled Aqua's shadow. His conversation with Kana that night in Kana's apartment, all of Kana's shared memories surfaced, making Aqua's chest tight.

"Damn Hikaru doesn't even regret it like Arima said." Aqua closed her mouth, holding back her loud-sounding stuffing. "The one who doesn't want me involved is the one who died. It felt…. It feels…."

Gotanda stroked Aqua's head gently. "You didn't kill him. You're still protecting her, it's just that everything's out of your control."

Aqua was crying again. He felt the sense of tightness was reduced, even if only a little. Aqua has no idea who to share her current feelings with other than Gotanda, who is already like her own father.

"I feel like Arima's killer now!"

Gotanda looked at Aqua. "You know Arima-san, don't you? About what sentence he'll give you when you say that."

"Dead there! I told you you wouldn't do anything crazy!"

Aqua seemed to hear Kana's voice in her mind. Cana would only curse him with the same word. Or he would say that Aqua always lied to herself.

"She's just gonna curse you and laugh evil, even if she's a really good girl." Gotanda sat in his chair. "She's the girl who gives all her love sincerely, even though the end is like this. You're late to realize that. He's the one who got you out of the backstage comfort zone until you showed up on stage and became famous as you are now. Even I felt his kindness and his rude mouth to mold you to be honest and sincere."

Aqua was unmoved digesting the words of Director Gotanda.

"Loying yourself has its limits. You've long harbored that feeling for her. If you're more honest and don't reject that feeling, I don't think you're going to be this sorry." Director Gotanda stood up, looking at Aqua who was still bowing her head. "Hurry back excited because there are many new projects for you."

...****************...

Akane meets Mem at a cafe. They've been talking about their work lately.

"The song you guys released is really good." Akane smiled looking at Mem. "That's a song for Kana-chan huh?" 

"I miss him so much. Very.." Mem started crying. "If I could turn back time, I'd block him from leaving that night."

"It's over Mem. Everything happens beyond our control." Akane calms. "Then is there any news about Kana-chan from the police?"

Mem shook. "Yet, but we don't stop hoping to find Kana-chan soon whether she's alive or dead."

Akane was silent for a while. "Is Aqua-kun okay?" 

"He's the most injured. Every day looks like a zombie. She is busy with filming, but is also troubled by her thoughts with Kana-chan."

"Aqua-kun is still lying to Kana-chan about his feelings. Though from the beginning of dating me she already liked Kana-chan," Akane commented.

"She once told me, if Kana-chan died it would destroy her completely." Recalling Aqua's sentence back then.

"Aqu-tan still thinks that Kana-chan is alive. I don't know what the reason is. On the day Kamiki Hikaru committed suicide, Aqu-tan had a chance encounter with him. Looks like they're talking about Kana-chan." Sipping his drink. "I also still hope Kana-chan is okay and she's back to see us."

"What if Kana-chan really gets killed?" ask Akane on Mem.

"I won't deny that fact, but I still hope he's alive" Mem replied in a sad tone. "He was indeed foul-mouthed, not confident. But he's hardworking and loves his friends very much."

"I'll try to find the best Kana-chan I can" Akane said.

...****************...

Two months ago, Kana disappeared, there was no news of her. Aqua returns to the psychiatrist to make herself return to normal. Ruby shines with Mem because of their song to commemorate Kana.

"We got a movie project together again…." Akane smiled as she met Aqua in the waiting room of the building.

"So, I hope this movie is a success." Aqua immediately stood away from Akane.

"On Kana-chan…." Akane stopped Aqua's steps. "I want to help you find him."

Aqua continued her steps. He wanted to forget about Kana, even though this guilt did not go away. Not a sense of guilt, but a sense that grew as Gotanda said a while ago to Aqua. He did not understand what that feeling was, until he always lied to himself. Burying his feelings for Kana until he does not know that it is a time bomb.

...****************...

Akane looked at Aqua who was busy reading the script. The interaction between her and Aqua really did not exist other than when playing their roles in the latest film.

Akane stepped into the bathroom after doing some scenes. It was very late, the manager was waiting in the parking lot. Akane looked at Aqua who was still sitting in the long chair waiting for Miyako to pick her up. His head looked up at the sky, his gaze blank.

Aqua's right hand lifted up, like stroking the wind. Tears came out of his eyes. He held back his tears.

"Gomen.." whispered Aqua. "Gomen!" aqua shouted as she covered her face with her palm. "Gomen.. Gomen…."

Akane turned her face away, stepping away from Aqua. Just as Aqua was crying, Akane was crying too. There was already no hope for her to beg for love from Aqua. The man only thought about Kana, even to the point of crying in a desolate place like this.

"I can't help you…." Akane deleted some of the articles she had read.

Jealousy burns his love. He already did not care about the news about Kana. Akane feels always lost to Kana, even about romance as well. Akane lost a landslide. One of them opened his heart to Aqua and let her taste even bigger even though he knew, Aqua was not interested in him.

...****************...

Ruby looked at Aqua who had just returned home from filming that night. He sat down next to Aqua, offering her a glass of warm tea. Aqua grabbed it, smiled and drank it.

"How was your day, onii-chan?" ruby asked with a smile that continued to expand.

"It's exhausting." Aqua replied as she stared at the glass with tea. "Gomen ne Ruby, I never look at you again."

"You must have been hit. But hurry up, onii-chan. Ah not but sensei." Ruby smiled looking at Aqua.

Seeing Ruby's smile, Aqua realized that her life was not over. There is still something he needs to protect. Although it felt like he was devastated by Kana's departure. But, Aqua felt she had another purpose now. She still has Ruby, the girl she must protect, as she has failed to protect the two women who mean anything to her.

Aqua stroked Ruby's head warmly. "Arigatou…."

"Are you on vacation tomorrow? I want to go shopping with you. You want it, onii-chan!" ruby asked excitedly.

"Byeah, I haven't breathed fresh air in a long time either." Aqua smilingly looked at Ruby and immediately stood up leaving Ruby.

"Daisuki, chan-chan!" ruby shouted with a blushing face and immediately ran to her room.

That statement again. Ruby's feelings for her were once a doctor. What Ruby cannot consider herself Aqua is her twin sister Aqua and not Goro anymore.

...****************...