Red Threads

Shimmers

"When in a relationship, there comes a time when we come to the question; do we really love that person? Or, just afraid of losing him as a backrest?"

♥

“Throw that cake!”

The pain in his heart felt so real, as the sentence was thrown from his mother's lips. Pain that gnawed at the corners of his heart, making him almost die without having to lose his life. Mika could only look at her mother's body which slowly disappeared behind the walls of the room. He was crying without a sound. Tearless. There was only a transparent layer in his eyes that was void.

Kai walked over to Mika. Then, gently touch the girl's shoulder. There was no reaction. Mika remained unmoved, without even a single glance from the tightly closed door of the room. A few seconds later, the girl laughed. A laugh that implies destruction.

“Ka, are you okay?” ask Kai slowly.

Mika did not answer. The girl kept laughing. A few seconds later, Kai saw Mika rubbing the corner of his eye. The laughter stopped too. Later, it was replaced by a slow sound.

“Kakak aja,” said Mika, after a silence for a while.

“Gue can cement lo—”

“Back, Brother!” Mika cut off Kai's speech, firmly. No friendly tone of voice. His eyes were sharp too. A while later, that gaze turned from Kai towards the main door. “The door is unlocked.”

That was all Mika said, before returning to the kitchen with the cake still intact. Two steps later, he turned to face Kai. His lips covered a thin smile that was very forced. “Sorry for seeing that. Dan, thank you for helping.”

Kai wanted to hold back Mika's steps. He wanted to grab the girl he wanted to tell the girl that he could be a place to lean. However, all he could do was watch the back grow farther away. Without being able to do anything.

Mika has disappeared behind the kitchen door. Kai was about to step towards the main door, but immediately abandoned his intentions. Something feels bad. He touched his left wrist. Surprised, when he realized the bracelet he always wore was not there. He rushed back to the kitchen. Apparently, it was left next to the sink after he washed his hands.

Kai's steps stopped right in front of the kitchen door that was connected to the living room. Mika's sobbing sound that rang out from where she was standing, made her confine herself to enter. He chose to lean against the wall near the door. Kai closed his eyes tightly. The desperate cries of the girl turned out to have an effect on her heart. His heart was like it was squeezed so hard.

Kai opened his eyes again. His gaze fell on a book on the table, in front of him. It's moving out of place. Walk towards the table to pick up a piece of paper. His hand was writing something. He put the paper on the kitchen door. Then, walk away from home.

♥

Mika gripped the edge of the kitchen table firmly. He did not know what else he had to do to melt the heart of his mother. Every effort he makes is never meaningful.

Mika picked up a knife, with trembling hands. Without thinking, he stuck the knife into the middle of the birthday cake. Then smash the cake into small pieces. In just a few seconds, the cake was no longer shaped. The pieces are scattered on the floor and the kitchen table.

His body fell down, after that. Crying without a sound. His hand that was still holding the knife, gripped the thing even deeper. Hoping to channel all the pain and anger on the object. He had just released the knife, when he felt something slash his palm.

Mika's gaze turned on the red liquid that was soaking the floor. A stinging and throbbing feeling in his hand, made him grimace. But the pain is fun. At the very least, the pain was able to make him slightly forget his heartache.

Mika smiled a little. His hand took the knife back. With his eyes closed, imagining all the beautiful things he had ever done, he placed the tip of the knife on the skin of his arm. His breath was restrained, as the taper tip of the thing pierced through his skin. Provides a swirling sensation of pain. The scent of carnation filled his sense of smell. There was no pain, he smiled. For the first time, he felt better. Feel light. It felt as if the entire burden in his heart was slowly decreasing.

♥

After last night's nightmare ended, Mika woke up again. He was already preparing to face even more painful nightmares. Wasn't the new day another nightmare for her?

His head felt throbbing as he opened his eyes. The sunlight and light from the lights were still burning on the ceiling, making it a little difficult to adapt. A pain ran through his arm. Make him grimace, while forcing himself to rise.

Mika dropped a glance at the entire corner of the room. Pieces of cake, leftovers of flour, eggshells, to drops of blood; everything looks to fill the kitchen floor. It was more like a former war room than a kitchen. Among the chaos, there was one thing that caught Mika's attention. A bracelet made of red thread.

His forehead wrinkled. He had seen a bracelet like that. However, his brain simply could not be invited to work together to remember.

Trouble, he tried to get up. Without looking in the mirror, he already knew that the situation was very sad. His eyes are hot and heavy. Butter cream on her face and hair. Plus the long incision marks on his arm.

Mika walked towards the bathroom, after picking up the bracelet from next to the sink. In a moment, Bi Inah—asisten household who has worked for his family— will come. So, he didn't have to clean up the mess.

Mika's steps stopped at the kitchen doorstep. A piece of paper inscribed with something, caught his attention. He took the letter. His lips smiled slightly, after reading the line of characters on the paper.

“Gue home. But if you need help or friends, you can find me.”

♥

It seems, from now on Mika must get used to wearing a jacket at school. In fact, in hot weather like today. Several times he rubbed the sweat on his forehead. Several times, the desire to remove the object from his body appeared. However, he immediately removed that desire. It will backfire, if he forces himself to take off the jacket.

“Lo hurts, Ka?” samuel asked as they passed in the corridor.

Mika shrieked softly. It was not because of Samuel's sudden presence. Rather, because of the existence of Kai who he did not want to meet today. Mika soon mastered the situation. He pretended to sneeze, and covered his nose. “Eh, yes. The flu is like.”

Samuel was suspicious. He elbowed Kai who had chosen silence since. “Dia why?”

Kai just put his shoulders down. His eyes caught something on Mika's palm, an elongated plaster. His forehead wrinkled. Trying to remember, did Mika already wear the plaster when they were together yesterday?

♥

There was only one request of Mika today, she did not need to meet Kai again. Enough already he made up excuses, when they passed each other in the corridor this morning. However, it seems that desire will not be realized. The guy had even been sitting in Mika's front seat, right after the break bell rang.

Actually, Kai wanted to inquire about the whereabouts of his bracelet. It's just that, seeing Mika's chaotic condition, made her stop asking about it. Finally, he chose to observe every inch of Mika's appearance. Sometimes his forehead creased, like suspecting something.

Mika turned her eyes when she found out that Kai did not speak after a few minutes. He was very uncomfortable with the way Kai looked at him. “No need what?”

“Lo is lying, right?” toilet Kai.

Mika was surprised to hear Kai question. “Lying about what?”

Kai threw a sharp look at Mika. Like just caught a chicken thief. “Lo not flu. Lo is fine.”

Mika found no words to dodge Kai's guess. It's ambush. His eyes looked at all directions. I hope he finds denial anywhere. Not yet he found a sentence to evade, Kai has returned to voice. “See lo's hands!”

“Why the hell?” Mika was getting upset. He hid his palm in the desk drawer.

“See lo's hands!” Kai repeated his words. This time it was harder and harder.

Mika swallowed with great difficulty. He didn't even dare to look Kai in the eye. He hopes Raya and Anggita will return from the cafeteria soon. At least, their presence was able to prevent Kai from forcing her to do something, like this time.

Kai sighs. Lost his patience. He pulled Mika's arm, making the girl grimace. Mika tried to escape. But Kai's energy is much greater. He finally resigned, when Kai's eyes caught the plaster attached to his palm.

Kai's face stiffened. The boy's eyes were illegible. Mika could only duck. Silence occurs for a few moments. Very uncomfortable silence. A stifling and frightening silence for Mika. The feeling that exploded in his chest, was the same as when he had a fight with Nagra first. I don't know, right now he's dealing with Nagra, not Kai.

“What do you do after I left last night?” ask Kai. Not too obvious, because the guy gritted his teeth. Kai's sharp gaze shifted from Mika's palm, on the pair of eyes of the girl. The gaze of the eyes that made Mika fall deeper into fear. Mika was cornered, without being able to dodge that gaze. “Lo purposely hugged himself, right?” ask Kai, then.

“A—aku is just—” Mika's speech is interrupted, when someone suddenly pulls her hand from Kai's grasp.

Mika. His astonishment doubled as he saw Raga standing beside him. Highlight the guy's eyes were fixed on one point; Kai. Sharp, scary, and unsheathed. If that gaze could turn into a sword, Kai might no longer be among them.

Mika swallowed hard. He's never seen that sultry raga. The guy's face was red. He could see Raga's body trembling slowly. Following the flow of emotions that have gathered in the crown.

Mika even had trouble just breathing. He never thought he would be between two guys staring at each other in anger. Kai was still acting calm, even though his eyes showed a burst of anger. Meanwhile, Raga tried to hold back the anger, although not fully able.

“How much I said, don't get close to him! You don't value me as your girlfriend?” ask Raga. His voice sounded very cold.

“Not that, Ga!” Mika yells. He was almost frustrated facing the two guys in front of him.

Raga looked at Mika. Makes Mika's heart feel like it's hit by dozens of arrows.

Mika's chest feels tight. It's not that he doesn't want to defend himself. He simply did not find the right word to deny Raga's accusations.

Transparent layer starts to overshadow. Blurring the view of Mika who had only been focused on Raga. The layer finally decays, right after Raga says a sentence Mika never imagined.

“I didn't know you were this cheap!” Raga said that sentence with great emphasis. Every word seemed to contain a great emotional turmoil.

Mika destroyed. His feeling was so bad to hear that sentence. He wants to scream. He wanted to say if Raga had no right to say that. However, once again he could only swallow his pain. He cuddles the ears. No longer want to hear the feud between Kai and Raga, nor the whispers of his friends. There was only one sentence Kai could hear.

“He's not cheap. But you are not a fool! As a girlfriend, you should know what she's going through.”

Mika did not know what happened after that. He only saw Raga leaving him, a few seconds after his feud with Kai. He also sees Kai putting a plastic bag filled with wound medicine nearby, before the boy leaves.

The two of them left, without saying a word to her.

♥

Throughout the lesson that day, Mika was completely unable to concentrate. In addition to the pain that spread on his arm, Raga's words a moment ago also still filled his head. Several times Anggita reprimanded him, every time daydreaming. But many times he did not concentrate.

Mika sighed in relief when finally the bell came home ringing. He immediately put his book in the bag, then ran away from class. He was sure Raga was still in class. The guy always comes home last. However, this time his guess missed. Raga's class was deserted when he got there. He spreads his views to all directions. Maybe he was not far from the class. But Raga was no longer around.

Mika runs towards the parking area, hoping Raga is still there. However, he had to go back to swallowing disappointment. The boy's motorbike was no longer among the dozens of motorcycles that were still parked neatly.

A disappointed hiss escaped Mika's lips. He stepped out of the parking area in shaky steps. His desire to explain to Raga about the incident this morning, he had to postpone it until the next day. Raga must have misunderstood him. The man did not even reply to the short messages he sent, and raised his call.

In the midst of thinking about Raga, suddenly the memory of Kai's question yesterday flashed through his head. Making him unable to not ask himself, did he really love Raga? Was that feeling really in his heart, until he was willing to pursue Raga like this? Or, is he just afraid of losing someone as a back-up?  Because all this time Raga who accompanied him, he seemed to make the guy as an outlet for loneliness. 

Mika was trying to ask herself that. But until his steps arrived at the school gate, he did not also find an answer. Even until he was in the pickup car that would take him home, he still did not convince himself.

The phone rang as if it was restoring his consciousness. Quickly, Mika took the phone out of her pocket. He almost squealed in excitement, as he read someone's name on his phone screen. That's a message from Raga. The guy invites Mika to meet at an ice cream shop not far from school. Without thinking for a long time, Mika told Pak Rudi to turn around, and headed for the location designated by Raga.

Mika runs into the ice cream shop, after telling Rudi to go home first. The ice cream shop was not too crowded, although this afternoon the sun was shining very hot. There are only a few tables filled. Most of the visitors were students from his school who were still wearing uniforms. The ice cream shop is only two hundred meters from the school. And, it is often used as a gathering place or just spending time with a partner. Besides the price is relatively cheap for students, the place is also cool and instagramable. The entire room of the building is decorated with various kinds of trinkets and small pots containing live flowers.

Mika walked over to Raga who was sitting in the corner of the room. The guy's look fell out the window. Not at all aware of his presence, until he sat in front of the man. He forced a smile, as Raga turned her gaze towards him.

“Why did you meet me here?”

Raga did not answer. His eyes were fixed on Mika's palm clenched on the table. Without a word, the guy pulled Mika's hand. Open that fist, then observe the elongated plaster attached there.

“Hand of you why?”

Raga's attitude is completely different like it was a few hours ago. The guy had returned as usual, although Mika was still a little worried. He was still a little worried, if suddenly Raga would explode again. Thus, he racked his brain hard to find a safe answer.

“Kena knife yesterday.” Raga did not believe Mika's words just like that. Seen from the way the guy frowned.

“Because the knife won't be this long, right?”

Mika gulps. He forgot, if Raga has the ability to analyze that is quite great. The guy could even see his lies just from the look in the eye. Therefore, since setting foot in that place, Mika as much as possible avoided Raga's gaze.

“I'm serious. Yesterday when I took the knife, I held the taper part. But, this is okay. Tomorrow also heals.” Mika let out a small grin, trying to convince Raga. Although in his heart, he was already restless. He was afraid, if Raga would know the truth he was hiding.

Luckily, his fear did not materialize. Raga chose not to discuss the wound further. The man called one of the servants and delivered the order.

“Sorry. I know it was too much.” Raga paused her speech for a moment. His eyes were fixed straight on Mika. “But I really don't like seeing you with him. You know, from the beginning I didn't like him.”

Mika nodded, then smiled a little. He felt a little relieved. But now that's not what filled his head. However, the reason Raga does not like Kai. “You why don't you like her?”

“I told you, he's dangerous.”

“I still don't understand. What is dangerous about Kai?” Mika did not know, why there was a corner of her heart that did not accept when Raga said that. To him, Kai was harmless. The guy actually managed to warm his heart that had frozen, and restore his hopes little by little. From the way the guy made the cake, it was like finding a new hope. Hope that her mother will return to accept her. Hope he didn't find when he was with Raga.

“I can't give you an explanation. You only need to remember one thing, Kai is dangerous.”

Mika doesn't understand anymore. How dangerous is that guy, so Raga doesn't want to say it? Is Kai a criminal? Drug dealers? A killer? Or, a psychopath?

“I invited you here, not to discuss about Kai,” said Raga. His face looks a little uncomfortable. “I invited you here because I want to apologize.”

“I'm sorry you, Ga.” Mika's words came to a halt, as a waiter delivered their order. “I don't want to talk about that anymore.”

Raga nodded slowly. His gaze was still fixed on Mika, for a while. A view that Mika does not understand means. The view is deep. However, it was no longer able to make his heart beat fast. Tasteless.

I don't know, Mika doesn't understand why the heartbeat in her heart can change so quickly. If Raga's gaze used to be the only one she liked, then now Kai's gaze occupied that position. He doesn't know the reason. But after he saw Kai singing in front of his class that day, his view of Kai changed. Even his heart can beat so many times faster when with the guy, than when with Raga.

The contents in Mika's ice cream bowl were almost toilet, when Raga said something that they had barely discussed again. “Mama how are you? Have you had any developments?”

Mika did not know, how long had they not talked about the matter. “Still the same. Mama's staying cold. And, haven't considered me there.”

“If it's about Nagra, you have no intention to find out about the case again?”

“For what? The case is closed. Police say that Nagra died by suicide.” Actually, Mika also did not believe in the final result. He wanted to rebel, but there was nothing he could do. My mom and dad believed in that. Not asking the police to retest until the case is closed. His mother even believed, if he was someone who had caused Nagra to commit suicide. Although there were no eyewitnesses, her mother found out that she was the last person Nagra met that day. And, the notion of Nagra killing himself after knowing the fact that Alana was having an affair, spread to the surface. Meanwhile, until now the existence of Alana was not found. The girl disappeared without any news and without a trace.

“Dan, you believe in that?”

Mika shakes. “I can what, Ga? My mother does not believe me. The police did not want to investigate the case. They say Nagra's case is over. And, re-running is just a waste of time.”

Raga exhaled a heavy breath. Her hand moved to touch Mika's unharmed hand. Swiping the back of the girl's hand slowly, as if she was channeling strength.

Their discussion came to a halt, when someone suddenly called out to Raga. The tall and full-bodied guy, with his neatly cut little curly hair was approaching the table of Raga and Mika.

“How are you? We haven't seen it for a long time.” The guy reached out, which Raga immediately greeted with a tight handshake.

“Good. Lo? I guess you forgot about me.”

The guy laughed softly. Then, his hand patted Raga's shoulder a few times. “Gue is good too. I may not forget the same. The guy who always cheated me on Chemistry. What about your new school? Smooth all, right?” The man grinned the horse, and Raga laughed wide.

“More fun in old school. But, at least in the new school I got a boyfriend." Raga pointed at Mika with her eyes. "My school is good. Just calm. Everything went according to plan."

The curly-haired guy turned to Mika. “Good. Beautiful girl too. By the way, school is so quiet there is no lo."

"Alah, stale! Lo must be seneng, no more ngomelin if again males."

Mika does not understand the discussion that is happening. The focus is only on Raga, then switch to the curly-haired guy, then back to Raga. It was repeated until Raga and the guy decided to end the conversation.

From that conversation Mika knew, if the guy was named Beni. He was one of Raga's classmates, while still attending school in his old school.

The conversation lasted less than five minutes. Beni decided to say goodbye, because there are still some things to do. The man put his black hat back on with a red stripe on the right and left sides, before leaving the room.

Mika doesn't take her eyes off Beni's back, until the guy drives off his black motorbike leaving the ice cream shop. He was trying to guess the true nature of Beni. Because when you're with that guy, Raga is like being someone else. Raga looks more friendly and fun when dealing with the guy.

Mika's gaze shifted as the phone in her pocket vibrated. Her lips curled a wide smile as she read a line of messages on the flat object screen. A message from someone he hadn't seen in a long time.

“Later afternoon, papa home.”