Red Threads

Perturbed

“Tante Yulia love same lo.”

The sentence hit Mika, once again. Bouncing around in his head. Delivering the noise that dragged him to the vortex named regret. The guilt that enveloped him, damning every step he took. He cannot avoid.

Mika ran down the hospital hallway. Breathing gasps. His legs began to feel numb as he continued to run from the hospital parking area. The smell of carbolic and medicinal pungent, making it a little difficult to breathe.

Repeatedly he accidentally bumped into people in the corridor. Some of them made fun. Some just grinned, looking at him sharply and annoyed. He doesn't care about that. Right now, there was only fear and worry that filled every corner of his heart.

Is your mom okay? That question has been faithfully followed since he left Anggita's house. He forgot to say goodbye to the girl. Stupid timing. Anggita's business can be resolved after this. Now, finding out about the state of his mother was the only thing he had to do.

Mika had just stopped her steps, when she arrived in front of the intended nursery. Her father was standing next to the door with his head bowed. Even so, he could still see the man's face that looked tangled, worried, and tired. Making the eternal in Mika's heart increasingly become.

“What happened? How's mama doing?” Martin raised his head. I was surprised to hear that voice. For a while, his gaze was fixed on Mika. It seemed like he was convincing himself, that the one standing in front of him was indeed Mika.

“You're home?” Martin's voice sounded soft and trembling. Mika deliberately immediately threw away her face, two seconds after seeing her Papa. He was not ready to look at the man for much longer. Seeing his papa's face as if throwing it at the scene a few days ago.

“Mama how?” Mika repeated her question. This time with a little urgency. Either because he immediately wanted to know the answer, or because he did not like to hear his papa questions. Only, his feelings became indeterminate after hearing the question. Float.

You home? 

What kind of question is that? Where has her house been all this time? Didn't he ever have a place to go home?

“Mama you have an acute ulcer. He should stay here for a few days.” Martin finally gives an explanation that makes Mika's worries disappear almost perfectly.

Mika breathed a sigh of relief. Apparently, his mother was just a famous maag. It is not heart disease or anything that can lead to death in an instant. At the very least, he did not need to face the death caused by him once more. At least, he no longer needs to bear the new status—dan, hopefully not happen— as the killer of his Mama.

Mika peeked into the room through the small glass on the door. Her mother fell asleep in bed. Her mother's face looked pale with an infusion hose on her arm. Unknowingly, his lips smiled faintly. Very thin. There was warmth arising in his chest, although a second later it was replaced by pain and disgust.

Her mother is fine. Then, why am I still here? The question just came to Mika's mind. It was as if pushing the joints on his feet to immediately step away, as quickly as possible. Faster than the time he came to this place. It'sit's nothing. He is just not comfortable being among the people who—maybe— did not expect his presence.

Although Anggita has explained at length. Although the girl has said that in fact her parents—ralat, her adoptive parents—hide her, still she is not fully able to accept. The lies that have been hidden for years. About her mother's treatment. And, about the sickening sweetness Martin showed her.

Mika wanted to laugh hearing that. The right time for what? The right time to throw him out? Or, they deliberately wait until he feels frustrated first?

“Yulia is depressed after you leave. Several times, Papa heard her crying in your room.” Martin paused his sentence. There was sadness in his eyes. “Yulia actually love you. He just doesn't know how to show it. He's too late in his own ego.”

Mika snorted when she heard that. Even though he had tried to strengthen his heart to behave normally, his eyes still seemed to trap him. Martin's eyes were fixed on him. Making Mika have to swallow with difficulty to relieve pain in the chest, mixed with the desire to shout to refute the statement. His papa's gaze was not demanding, nor did it imply that he was guilty. But he felt cornered. The look in his eyes was sad, but it made him feel like the accused was about to be led into the courtroom.

“That day, Yulia who ate the cake in the fridge. Papa see for yourself. But, papa pretended not to know. Papa often sees Yulia into your room at night, just to make sure that you sleep well. Yulia made you a birthday cake that day, not papa. Yesterday, he even noticed your whereabouts until three in the morning. Papa followed him from behind. Repeatedly forced him to go home because it was raining so hard. But your mother insisted on your nyari. He went to Anggita's house, to Nagra's grave, and to Nagra's apartment. In fact, papa see your mama was evicted by the apartment security guard because they thought your mama was homeless.”

Mika did not know, since when the tears flowed down her cheeks. He still wanted to deny all the stories, but was unable to. Guilt, regret, anger, and disappointment mixed into one in his chest. Creates a sudden heat and squeezes. He's having trouble breathing. All the oxygen in his lungs seemed to be taken away by force. His entire joint instantly collapsed. Mika decays on the cold hospital floor.

*“Mika, don't run around. Falls later!”

“Nagra, don't fad your sister keep”*

*“You've been healed? This is mama makein chicken porridge.”

“Udah, don't be afraid. Mama temenin you till bed.”*

“Happy birthday, Mika darling.”

Isakan Mika grew louder, as those memories flashed in her head. He even just realized, if the blanket that coiled on his body that day might be the work of his mother. Those painful few months made him forget, if he had ever been so close to his mother. Mama made him chicken when he was sick. Mama who had accompanied him when it was raining, because the electricity used to be out every time it rained hard. And, the mama who defends him every time Nagra does shit.

Mika no longer knew, how she felt at this moment. In his head, spinning one question made him even more angled. Actually, who is the antagonist here? Him or his mother?

Unknowingly, Mika moved her hand to hit her own chest. Hope it can reduce the pain that feels slicing his heart. He brushed off the hand of Martin who was trying to hug him. Instead of providing calmness, the man's touch actually made him sink deeper into regret. It was too far away to obey the ego. Until he forgets that the place that he did not consider a few months home is the real place to go home. In a voiceless roar that she could only silence herself, Mika said softly to the universe.

Is there a chance for him to correct any mistakes that have ever happened?