My husband is not the CEO

Eighty

In the world of medicine cases like this can not be known the cause for sure, presumably temporary possibility because your baby was born prematurely. But it is also not the main cause, again the case of SIDS can not be explained with certainty. Please be patient.

The words of the doctor who handled Arnesh continued to ring in Rafka's ear along with Caramel's cries and tantrums in the hospital ER. Rafka does not know what sudden infant death syndrome is, this is the first time he heard the complicated term, which he knows is Arnesh experienced it.

Caramel wept as she watched Arnesh's face grow pale, there was no more warmth from her body. At that time Caramel held a kiss Arnesh many times hoping for a miracle that made the baby move again. Rafka could only see, he did not dare to prevent Caramel from doing so. Rafka's heart ached like a razor slashed many times right in his chest. It really hurts nothing compared to the scratch on Rafka's chin that he got this morning.

Life is like the weather, it is not only sunny sometimes there is rain, lightning, strong winds and storms. Sometimes we crave sunny weather all year round but the earth also needs rain. Likewise with life, we always want happiness but God of grace is also sadness and distress in which stored valuable lessons.

Rafka still wears a mega overcast batik shirt looking blankly in front of a pusara full of flowers bearing the words Arnesh Pradipta Aditama with the date of birth and date of the day. The distance between the two is so close.

"Let's go home." Danu patted Rafka on the shoulder, she was also struck by this news.

Like the shirt Rafka was wearing, his mood was cloudy as well. Rafka flinch though her father-in-law also persuades her to go home soon. The smell of roses piercing the nose, suddenly Rafka did not like the aroma like this. The smell of flowers calms a person. But Rafka suddenly nauseous smelled the scent of flowers that enveloped the red earth mound.

"Let's go home, Caramel's gonna need you." Persuade papa Caramel again, a trace of tears so visible on his face. But he was like Rafka who refused to cry in front of many people.

The sky began to darken, the sun that was shining brightly began to sink replaced by the night. Sure oes. The earth is spinning, there is day and night, as well as human life.

"Rafka, you have to be patient with this ordeal." Papa Rafka persuaded Rafka, he also came with his wife shortly after hearing the news.

Some people are good at talking because they do not experience it. Inner Rafka.

"Rafka, for a while you should stay at Papa and Mama's house first." Papa Caramel's murmur.

Rafka nodded, "I picked up some Caramel stuff first in the apartment, Pa." He said turning around.

Caramel is currently at his parents' house not taking Arnesh to his final resting place. Rafka doesn't know how he will cheer Caramel up after this. Caramel is the type of person who is difficult to recover from his trauma, although it looks tough on the outside but to recover from the pain is not easy for him.

Rafka does not believe this can happen to him, he wonders why out of the millions of babies in this world must be Arnesh who lives that short. Rafka hasn't even heard Arnesh call him papa. After Caramel's struggle to give birth to Arnesh, she had to lose the baby when she only took care of him for 3 months. They want to be angry but to whom? may they be angry at this unjust world or at the God who created destiny. May it?

"Can you drive yourself?" Papa Caramel knocked on Rafka's car window.

"Yes Pa." Rafka nodded without expression.

Rafka stepped on the gas leaving the public cemetery with a very painful feeling. He looked blankly at the street in front of him.

******

Rafka stepped gontai through a long, quiet corridor—kosong—like his heart at this time. Rafka remembered this was the second time he felt a sense of emptiness of heart. The first time I heard that Caramel was going to marry Rama and now, it is much more painful than that. Rafka even drove in a semi-conscious state, his soul soaring far up into the sky. He wanted to run away from all this sadness.

A package lying next to the door caught Rafka's attention, she leaned over to pick it up. Rafka reads the description of the item written on the paper on it along with Caramel's name.

Rafka smiled grievously, it was the sunglasses for Arnesh that Caramel ordered this morning. Caramel says they'll take Arnesh to the beach after buying the glasses.

Rafka pushed open the apartment door, he looked down deeply, unable to stand on his own two feet. He sat on the floor pressing on his chest which was very painful. Her shoulders rose and fell rapidly, Rafka crying silently in the silence of her apartment that night.

Why did God rain in the clear weather today?

"Rafka." The female voice made Rafka spontaneously raise her face.

"Mama." Rafka immediately wiped her tears violently seeing her mama come in.

"Even though Arnesh was born prematurely but he grew up healthy and normal like the rest of the children." Rafka could not hold back her crying anymore, she hugged her mama and spilled all her pain through tears. Rafka was sobbing in her mom's arms.

"Mama knows." Mama Rafka's trembling voice held back the crying even though it was in vain, she rubbed Rafka's back trying to give strength. Since childhood Rafka has suffered from having to become a victim of broken home. Since childhood Rafka used to endure pain alone. Then now Rafka must lose Arnesh for good. Why should Rafka suffer this much?

"Mom knows it's hard for you Rafka." Mama Rafka tightens her arms, she wants to take all of Rafka's grief. He couldn't see Rafka sad like this. "You must be strong for Caramel."

Rafka nodded faintly, even at this moment he was not ready to meet Caramel. Rafka was devastated when she saw Caramel crying.

"Mama's gonna leave you alone here, you're gonna need some alone time, right?" He broke the embrace out of his seat.

"Yes Ma." Rafka came up, he saw his mama coming out of the apartment.

Rafka wants to pack some of her belongings and clothes to be taken to Caramel's parents' house. For a while they would stay there so that Caramel did not drag on in grief although of course it was very difficult.

Each corner of the apartment reminds Rafka of Arnesh where they spent time with Caramel as well. Starting from bathing Arnesh in the bathroom, changing his clothes to put him to sleep. Or when Caramel gives breast milk to Arnesh in a special chair breastfeeding.

Arnesh's scent is still strong by Rafka. The fragrance was out to all the rooms making the feeling of missing Rafka more creep.

Rafka steps in to close the glass door that connects the room and the balcony. It was Rafka's last place to watch Arnesh in Caramel's sling. Rafka still remembers how Arnesh's eyes sparkled when he saw her.

Flickering city lights from skyscrapers accompanied Rafka's trip that night. The sound of the horn was unceasingly rumbling as if it wanted to pierce through the lonely heart of Rafka.

******

"Caramel's in the room." Mama Caramel welcomes Rafka at the door.

"Let Papa take it." Papa Caramel was about to pick up the bag Rafka was carrying.

"It's okay, Pa." Rafka continued to step up to carry a bag containing Caramel's clothes and belongings.

Jane and Kayla are also there to cheer Caramel up. But they know that Caramel is not that easy to come back cheerful if you have experienced sadness. Especially now that Caramel lost Arnesh for good.

When Rafka enters the room, Jane and Kayla get out of there letting Rafka and Caramel both.

Rafka closes the door and sees Caramel on her back. Along the way, Rafka gathered mentally to talk to Caramel. But after seeing the figure of the wife, the series of words Rafka wanted to say disappeared instantly. What sentence could make Caramel stoic over this loss. Rafka could not comfort Caramel because he himself felt the same way.

"Mama." Call Rafka in a soft voice. "Have you eaten?"

Caramel was unmoving, he didn't even move a bit. Only occasional breaths were heard.

Rafka stepped closer and closer until she saw Caramel's pale face with slightly messy hair. The trail of tears was so noticeable on Caramel's smooth cheeks.

Without saying anything more Rafka leaned over to pull Caramel into his arms. Rafka is devastated to see Caramel like that, he can only hug her.

Caramel did not refuse Rafka's embrace but he also did not reciprocate. He just closed his eyes and buried his face in the chest of Rafka's field. Her tears had dried up because she had not stopped crying.

"I'm sorry." Rafka unravels the hug of Caramel's forehead for a very long time.