My Endorphine 1: The Path of Love

About Luhan and the Heart

LUHAN’S POV

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That night I still remember when I really couldn't stem my feelings for Sava. I don't think I can hold it anymore.

I was tired and almost crazy.

I gathered all my courage over the years to express my true feelings.

I intend to tell Lien first. I wonder how it would respond if I found out I liked Sava.

That day...

I sent him a message. I told you I loved him. Of course I love him! He's my best friend.

In this world I only have Sava and Lien, two best friends who can accept me no matter my circumstances. Not because I'm handsome or rich, but because I and they need each other…

Back then, Lien did not reply to my message. He called me back... I haven't had time to say hello to him, he's already swept out loud with his cry. My butterflies are very painful…

I remember it very clearly.. Lien's words to me on the phone.. Everything was..

“YA.. I know you love me.. HAHA, it doesn't have to be like that! Weirdo...! You must be bored, right? Why?” Cut Lien.

I said if there's nothing. I just sent a message…

Honestly, that's not what I expected. I do love Lien, but I did it just to start my confidences with her.

I grieve my stupidity that never once confided in others. Do men have to do that?

It's impossible, right? That's ridiculous in my opinion…

“Hahaha, I swear I guarantee Sava will definitely laugh at you if you know you're being so considerate.”.

Lien even laughed at me as I made small talk asking her how she was doing. Has he studied? Already eaten?.. Stupid, I just remembered that I never asked her that question. It was strange that I asked her such a thing.

“Iya yes, understand. Huhhhh.. Luhan, you're not engrossed today. So boring! More fun Kay. Kay gave me the key ring Saun The Sheep. Original from London again. Kay's presence is very good, not like my best friend who is on the phone right now...Confesses the most handsome of the school, but the stingy is amazing.”.

Am I that bad for her? I'm sorry Lien, I think I paid too much attention to Sava so you could say that. You have every right to protest my treatment of you, Lien….

My plan to confide in Lien failed miserably. Lien's asking me to argue. I'm tempted to argue with him. Indeed, Lien and I were only suitable if we had a fight.

Why can't Lien be like Sava? The good, gentle, not rude, always stood up for me. Ahh, Sava again. My mind was too full of him.

Sava, do you like me?

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Sava, do you love me?

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Sava, can I have you?

I'm crazy thinking about it.

This stupid question I never dared to ask Sava.

Until then, when you had a problem with that scandalous photo with Ohsen.

At first I was really upset, disappointed. VERY DISAPPOINTED! I'm pretty sure it was just a mistake.

Don't you realize that if I keep quiet it's angry, Va?

I'm not angry because of you!

I'm angry at the irresponsible people who are spreading ugly photos and rumors about you. Moreover, my cousin is also involved in it, Ohsen.

I kept quiet, kept quiet, I was figuring out who was behind it all!

I really wanted to kill that guy..

I hope that when I find out who is behind it all, you will smile happily at me and I will use the opportunity to express my feelings for you.

The limit of my strength to hold back my feelings for you is no longer curable..

I've been a fool about how Lien feels about knowing I like you, because I made sure Lien started liking Ohsen.

I'm sure Lien really likes Ohsen..

The chatty Lien could be pretentious in front of Ohsen. It was certain that he had a romantic taste for Ohsen.

It was disgusting the way he hid his identity….

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Again, stupid, I lost fast to that piano-face guy.

Why is he always faster than me? Why is he always getting Sava's attention?

I keep an eye on Sava a lot, does Sava like that piano face?

He was so good to that man.

I'm sure not!

They're just friends!

Yeah, just friends!

But, I don't deny that the piano face likes Sava. They look familiar since they are in the same club, the art club.

I don't like that piano guy. I hated him when he asked Sava to help him. I'm sure it was just his alibi to make Sava with him.

Besides the piano.. Come again something bigger..

More difficult than anything..

Just remembering it makes me crazy..

Ohsen?

Yes, my cousin Ohsen...

That night it looked really bad.

Without my guessing at all, he admitted to liking Sava. She even tries to express her feelings for Sava even though Sava rejects her…

I'm kecisongan!

I cheated again..

How could I not realize that Ohsen put his taste on Sava? So, his attention to Sava all this time he did because he liked Sava in the sense of male liking to women?

Tuhaann…

I'd love to tell Ohsen that I'm not okay! I'd like to say that I'm the only one who can have Sava…

But this mouth is reluctant to speak like that!

I foolishly agreed to Ohsen's request not to date Sava…

For friendship?

For brotherhood?

My friendship and brotherhood with Ohsen?

Just for that reason. A bond of friendship that I wanted so badly to break, but couldn't. A brotherly bond that I cannot betray.

Because of that..

For the umpteenth time I lost the chance to grab Sava…

How sad..

Miris..

Am I a fool?

I'm sure I'm a moron, I even asked Lien out on a date that I obviously didn't have any love for.

But why would Lien take me for granted?

Does he not like Ohsen anymore?

I still don't understand it any further..

Stupid, why am I dating Lien just to keep my brother Ohsen feeling?

Why did I do it just to make Ohsen believe that I didn't have any feelings for Sava?

Stupid again, why did I choose Lien to make Ohsen believe?

Why not just another girl? I can choose one of my many fangirls, but why would I short-sightedly choose Lien instead?

Stupid, stupid, stupid....

It all started with my stupidity. Ahh, the more complicated it becomes.

Regretted?

I cried when I remembered how stupid I was…

I was a fool…

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Why doesn't our time always fit, Va?

Why am I so hard to get a chance to say it?

Why are you so close to me but so hard to reach?

Why, Va?

Whyyy?..

Why are they all so easy to express their feelings for you?

Why does it feel so hard to me?

Why can't I?

I who liked you for so long, loved you, even loved you couldn't say it until now?

Why am I so cowardly?

Why don't I dare tell you, Va?

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END OF LUHAN’S POV

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“Stupid..Stupid!” Luhan said as he smacked his hand into the steering wheel of his car very loudly.

Luhan blames his car and returns to school. His heart and mind are struggling with each other. Real hard. Weight. Grievous. Bemoan.

Now he asked, can he live without Sava?

"Can I go on without you, Va?"