Let Time Talk

Enjoying solitude

Today is a day full of happiness. The day my wedding party with Mas Devan was held. The day people congratulated us on our wedding. The day that my mother gave a smile to her relatives and friends. But everything seemed to vanish in an instant, only traces of sorrow remained. Two days ago, the groom chose to leave forever, leaving the bride alone lamenting the sadness that seemed to be constantly present in his life.

People come and go, not to congratulate but to say condolences. Mother's voice is usually cheerful, replaced by a sobbing Isaac when relatives come to visit him.

Ryan was not much different, maybe he was the hardest hit with this incident. Mas Devan is the only brother who has always been the closest person, even he is willing to let me off just for the happiness of his brother and mother.

As for me, a widow who had just been married one month mas Devan, like carrying such a huge burden of regret. I selfishly let myself dissolve in the past, and let my husband just be a friend to get his wife's heart left behind in others.

"Kinan.kamu are fine, son.your face is pale.." said mother to meet me when I just came out of the bathroom.

"It's okay, ma'am, later if you've taken the medicine is also better..I've been kayak kok gini.." I said trying to reduce mother's worries.

"Kinan..is it possible that you are pregnant...?"

This is what I'm worried about. Sorry Mom, sorry for making me wish more.

"Sorry Mom. I'm not pregnant .." My tears spilled instantly. I can't hide, if I have to be honest with mom, that Devan hasn't even touched me.

But I always remember the message from Devan mas, what happened in our bedroom, should always be an area of privacy. For the sake of keeping my husband's good name, I will keep it, let me keep it even with a tormented heart like this.

"Hhh.had it been, not yet our windfall Kinan. mother also apologized yes, now eat ..I see you eat irregularly.."

I nodded my head and rubbed the tears flowing, pouring a sense of sin on a mother who always loved me. I am so sorry to make the hope that mother has offspring of her own flesh blood extinct already.

Actually I've been trying to cover up my stomach pain that recurred like before. Maybe because of fatigue, stress, reduced appetite causing nausea that often I think. I had felt this before when I parted with Ryan mas, when I took him to the doctor and consulted about stomach cramps that tormented me, it was inflammation of the intestine, the doctor gave me a prescription, and then I did, if the cramps strike again, the drug can relieve the pain.

"Mother.Can Kinan ask for something ?"I said to my mother after seven days of study the death of Devan

" What's Kinan? Do you need anything?"I saw the face of the mother older than usual who always appeared fresh, now as if no longer care about her appearance.

"Although Devan is gone, if you still think of me as a mother, don't be afraid to ask anything from mother..Kink ..."

" Of course you'll always be my mother until any time."my heart while hugging her" Mother.Can I go home to you..."

Mother let go of my embrace and looked at me questioningly.

"Why? Don't you want to stay with your mom anymore? Are you uncomfortable here?"

" It's not like that Mom.Just one Week, here are too many memories with mas Devan Bu, it still feels heavy for me..."

It was for this reason that my mother finally let me go home to my old house. Actually, my reason for the nausea that often occurs, makes people who visit my mother always assume that mas Devan left his seeds in my womb. And it must have made mom even more sick to hear it. After all, there was Ryan who took care of mom, before her departure back to Thailand.

The next day I brought a backpack, filled with a few change of clothes, because I had brought it all with Devan.

I also decided to leave the office. Feeling bad with my boss and friends because I often apply for leave. I plan on finding another job after my mood returns. For my living expenses, it is much lighter now. Moreover, Devan gave all his for me, including financial.

The second day at home, I began to enjoy my solitude. After being satisfied cleaning the entire corner of the house, I also took a shower and sat down after preparing the equipment to watch Drakor which always makes me baper it.

After the magrib prayer, I opened the application to order food, but after a long look at the menu, nothing interested me. I was also confused as to when my appetite would return. Today I weigh two kilos, if this keeps me alive for a long time.

Shortly after, I fell asleep in the living room with the laptop still on to accompany my sleep because I felt tired.

When I woke up, the atmosphere had started to quiet from the passing of vehicles that were always heard. What time is it? I repeatedly blinked my eyes at the wall clock. Almost nine o'clock. I also went from my sleep intending to pray Isya.

But suddenly I felt a strong pain in my right abdomen. It felt pulsating and the longer it took me to break out in a cold sweat.