If You Love

Eps. 28. Never Have

Receiving a call from Brill, in the heart of Rilly happy and sad to come together. His life is like a spiral that creeps upward and will never finish spinning in the same circumstances, he lives under the power of others, he said, the feeling of not having the right to live life as he wants is so dominant.

“Sorry yes Brill.. Maybe Rilly can't uh we can't meet..”.

Rilly replied in a soft voice, he had only moved one table from his previous seat, slightly away because there was his new friend Giveel, he still could not be free with Giveel, he still could not be free, they are just more familiar.

“Why Ril? I'm here because you are... I really want to see you now.. That's why I asked for your address, I went to your house if you are not good to leave the house.”.

Rilly felt guilty and flattered all at once, there was a handsome guy and a rich kid official anyway, very popular and valued girls all over South Minahasa district but chose to approach him, he said, isn't this kind of attitude of Brill, who just said he really wanted to meet him can be called pdkt? Rilly felt a thump in her chest when concluding that.

But, Rilly remembered that he should not be careless to behave, he should not be haphazard to act, first he just hitchhiked alive, first, both om Armando seems to mind aunt Isye financing his school and three aunt Isye has done a lot for him who has only lived here for some time, he must maintain their trust. So then…

“Ril?”

Brill's voice was a little tight because Rilly didn't answer.

“Eh? Yes?”

“I came to your house if you are not good with aunt Isye.”.

“Everyone Rilly's sorry, Rilly could not accept a friend in the house, Rilly was new there, Rilly could not even though Rilly also wanted to meet Brill.”.

Across the phone Brill feels something creeping up in his chest, though Rilly is now back bluntly rejecting the meeting but he is more focused on Rilly's last sentence, ahh… turns out Rilly has the same feelings that she has now.

“Bener... Rilly also want to meet me?”

Brill confirmed what he had just heard.

“Eh? Yes... but..”

“You miss me?”

“Hahh??? Uh... Rilly mean..”.

“I miss too, if not kangen where might I come to Jakarta nyariin you..”.

Rilly's face reddened, the pleasure of controlling his heart even like catapulting himself up into the sky so that he could reach one of the stars. Brill was like a star and he was on earth, in ordinary circumstances he could only look at stars millions of light years away. But his ears did not hear wrong, the star actually came down to earth from the sky looking for him.

“Rilly... answer dong, don't refuse ya...”.

Brill's tone on the device was so beautiful, it was like he was seducing her. If only he could respond to it. I would love to, would very much like to welcome Brill…

This time maybe the situation was better but still he was afraid to follow his heart's desire about Brill, he did not dare to have special feelings for someone. If only there was an open door and a free way that could be passed so that Rilly could reach all that became his desires and dreams, he said, but even now it could still be called an endless delusion, if he misbehaved his dream could be lost in an instant, Om Armando's sentence that he heard like he had tightly bound his free soul.

So Rilly chose to bury everything about Brill.

“Rilly..”.

Rilly sighed then with a voice of restraining emotion, she was sad to have to do this to Brill…

“Brill... Rilly is so happy that Brill considers Rilly a friend, so glad Brill came looking for Rilly all the way, but Rilly is not like anyone else, so sorry yes, again sorry… Rilly can't see Brill right now. Thanks, Brill already cares about Rilly, but Brill don't look for Rilly again.

Rilly closed the call quickly, he wasn't waiting for Brill to make a sound. There was pain when he did it but he had no choice. He turned off the power immediately so Brill wouldn't call again.

In his place Brill was stunned. Rilly's words were so soft that they even sounded like they were crying, but the content of the sentence struck Brill's feelings and it was enough to throw Brill to the bottom of the abyss of disappointment. Brill was fixated where he stood and the pain immediately pierced his heart.

Once again Brill looked at his blackened phone screen now just as the hope in his heart instantly darkened. Brill carried his body towards his bed, slammed himself on his stomach on a mattress and buried his head on a soft pillow, took another pillow and put it on his head, like wanting to immerse his disappointment in that way.

Rilly…

Rilly…

I thought you could be my best friend..I thought we could have a good relationship..Why don't you want to? Why are you refusing?

Why Rill??

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Rilly wiped the tip of her eye, there were soft crystals on both sides of her eyes. Just for a moment it seems, if remembered only three times actually they had met and interacted in person and only two weeks ago they were intense talking on the phone, but it felt so special to Rilly, he said, brill was so special to her. Merely, he was not someone who could reach out to Brill even though he actually only needed to welcome what Brill had to offer.

Rilly returned to the table where Giveel was sitting waiting for him.

“Already Ril? Long time talking, lest his girlfriend is really..”

“Opens Veel...Truly a friend, it happens that he is here..”.

Rilly sat opposite Giveel and then sipped his drink.

“No papa times if girlfriend... handsome not? Want to meet? I can come, want to know your boyfriend..”.

Giveel was still smiling with two elbows resting on the table propping up his chin.

“Hah?? Eh no, we will not meet, he just wants to know what I am now.. that's all...”.

“Knowin ater ya.... your girlfriend was... uh know not, I was curious... said my mommy I'm a handsome Manado guy, really not?”.

“Hah? That I don't know, never noticed..”.

“Start talking about guys, can not date yet loh.. mami not permission now, not yet time.”.

A typical Indonesian woman in a casual dress came near their seat, carrying a tray containing a piece of chiffon cake and a glass of warm drink.

Rilly and Giveel both turned their heads.

“Mami... Who is dating? Time can not talk about men.we are girls who are in the phase who are already interested in men and that naturally can not be rejected. No papa dong admires, judges, or even falls in love with the guy is a sign that we grow normally.. if we are even interested in the new girl is not normal.

Giveel spoke with pursed lips, annoyed for the mother has not been resolved.

“Smart you answer now yes..”

Giveel's mother took a seat next to her son.

“We should not eat cake, this is the lunch hour has passed, later at home so lazy lunch should.”.

The mother continued.

“Ayin has eaten in the school cafeteria kok.. lah mami why even buy a cake instead of going straight home continue to eat, later found papi mami lectured.. later maag mami relapse again.”.

“Mami wants to pick you up, see you eat mami cake so want to eat one that mami like... uh yes... this is your friend whose name is?”

Giveel's mom smiled at Rilly.

“I Rilly aunt..”

“Rilly yes? If aunty.. call aunty Kharis yes..”.

“Iya aunt..”

Rilly smiled welcoming the friendliness of the aunt in front of him.

“Mi, tau gak.. Rilly is from Manado..”.

“Oh yes? Wow good you guys can also from there even though it is not the original person there anyway.just aunty born and raised in that city.”.

“Meet papi is also there right? Neighbor who became husband right.. hehe..”.

Giveel teased the mother with his two eyebrows in motion.

“You... let's mop up the cake, after that we go home.”

“Iya.. yes...”.

Rilly notices his friend's interaction with the mother, seems very close and it makes him feel again the empty hole in his heart is open, there are many things that he never had in his life, he said, a mother's affection and perhaps a boyfriend's affection.

Brill, if the opportunity is on my side, Rilly would love to welcome you, but Rilly doesn't have that…

Sediiih, Rilly can only save her grief.

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🌻

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