Heaven Under Husband's Foot

Depression Diary

Orange stared at the contents of the safe he had opened using Arkana and Qania birthdates, in which he stored so many books and sharp objects such as knives, scissors, and cutters.

All the sharp objects are objects that Arkana uses to do self harm on him, papa Hendra had told it to Orange before.

After a deeper examination, Orange found several sheets of examination results in a psychiatric clinic. Orange never knew that Arkana had done such an examination, this was not even told by papa Hendra at that time.

There are about ten pieces of examination results that state that Arkana has a severe depression, the severity to make it often attempted suicide. All of the results showed no change, and he did his last check in 2016.

“ Now that he started doing the inspection again, I wonder how it turned out? But I also don't want to get too involved with him anymore, or do I just leave him alone until he's done with it? Right, I just need to ask Gilang to tell you the result.” Orange Mumm.

Then Orange found Arkana's diary, there were so many books with the same cover. On the cover is written to vent all emotions, and at that time also sent Gilang a message that reads.

Orange: Lang, I just went to Arka's mas room. I just found out about her examination at the psychiatric clinic, her doctor's name is Sarah Hartono. I saw ten pieces of the examination, and Arka's mas started the examination from 2015 to 2016.

Q: Can you please photograph the results? I need to find out the problems your husband has been having all this time.

Oranges send all the results of the examination to Gilang, so Gilang will know more and more about the condition of Arkana then and now.

Orang : I also found some diaries, about what is this for.?

Gilang : Diaries to vent emotions, usually we psychologists advise patients to put everything into writing, those who experience depressive disorders will tend to close themselves from everyone. That is why with this method it can slightly reduce the emotions that are being felt by the patient.

Now Jingga understands, since long ago Arkana only vent his emotions alone. And the books were in Arkana's heart, and he thought he wanted to read them all, but on the one hand he was afraid to know the Arkana past he wrote himself from the bottom of his heart.

“ Sorry, I was curious. I'm allowed to read everything.” Muttering Orange took all the books and immediately took her to the room.

**

July 20th, 2015

Since I was ten years old, my parents have been separated. Papa decided to divorce with mama either because of what problems? My brother came with me, and I've been with my mom to this day. And from that moment on, my mother blamed me for what happened to their divorce, and all her pride was my sister Bima.

Being the pride of my mother I have tried often to do, but my mother never admitted it, I was still wrong in my eyes. Until I thought I was really his son? Even the slightest bit of mama never showed her love for me after she parted ways with papa.

I was tired of being constantly blamed, belittled, considered an unlucky carrier, I also wanted to hear compliments from my mom, get affection that I had never felt since then, I want happiness to remain for me. But all that I could never get, maybe I was just a child who did not deserve happiness.

August 6th, 2015

Ma, to be honest, I'm very tired. My mind doesn't improve, my mind is always dead, my heart hurts. On the one hand I want to get away from my mom, but I can't. I only have my mom, and my mom only has me. It's hard ma, I don't know what to do anymore? Mama, please just care about how I feel, I just want that.

It's been almost five months that I've come to a psychologist to heal my mental health that continues to be damaged by my mother, but until now why does it feel worse? The doctor always suggested this and that, I did but it still feels the same.

What I need is not therapy, but my mom. I need a mom, until whenever I need a mom in my life. Even though my mother made me get here, but I will never hate my mother.

Orange had finished reading all the contents of Arkana's diary, but there were some that stuck in his head until now. He cried knowing Arkana had written all of it with all the feelings he had felt in the past.

Orange feels sorry for Arkana who keeps everything alone, not many people he knows can make him comfortable and can make him show his true side in Arkana.

Even so Orange could not forgive what he had been in nature all this time, maybe Arkana did it consciously because he bore a very heavy burden and made him not know what to express it like.

“ Hopefully with your intention to meet Gilang can make you better again, you can accept everything and live happily mas.” Say Orange while closing the book and intend to return everything to Arkana's safe.

**

Arkana glanced at the watch in her hand which showed the time to go home, she tidied up her desk then took off her doctor's coat and hung it on the coat's special hanger.

When Arkana came out, he was greeted with the appearance of Tsania. The girl gave a food box to Arkana, she said that she made it before coming to the hospital today.

“ I know that the doctor is living alone because the orange leg is not at home, so I prank to make this food for the doctor.” Say it while offering the food box.

“ But you know from where if I'm the same Orange does not live at home.?” Arkana doesn't remember ever telling Tsania about it, she only tells Nisa because she believes in the woman.

“ Sister Nisa told me.”

“ Nisa told you?”

“ Yes doc, sorry if I was presumptuous. But I won't tell anyone.”

“ Yes already, please keep that a secret. I received your food, I say goodbye first.” Arkana passed leaving Tsania still standing staring at his disappearance.

“ Stop approaching Arkana doctor, you know she is married.” One person immediately made Tsania's facial expression change.

“ Why do you like to interfere in other people's affairs.?” Tsania glanced at Gabriel with a cynical look now.

“ We came here to study, our journey is still long to be a doctor. If you continue to behave like that with people's husbands, you will get into big trouble later.” Gabriel Said.

“ Take care of your own affairs.” Tsania steps away leaving Gabriel with overflowing emotions, while Gabriel can only shake his head at his ex's behavior.