Dimadu Tak Semanis Honey

#20 Bonus

"Tea, what does the heart really want?" ask Zidan. We were having dinner without Aksa. He may be tired because he was invited to play Lee all day, then visit his father's grave. Aksa's asleep.

"Why, Zidan?"

"I mean, about the heart. Does Teteh want to fulfill Aksa's desire to make Lee's sister his Papi?" I stared for a moment at Zidan's eyes. Then feed back my dinner without answering her questions.

Zidan just kept quiet with me over his question.

"Steh doesn't know," I said. "This feeling is so hard for Teteh to control. One side of Teteh wants to make Zidan happy. On the other hand, Teteh is afraid to go up the stairs again."

"I just want to know, the same feelings for Lee's sister." I looked back at Zidan.

I shook my head "Steeth don't know."

"If in doubt it is better not to. It's just that Zidan wanted to give a little advice to Teteh."

"What?" we both compactly save the spoon. And stop continuing to have dinner.

"Yang Zidan knows, among the men in this world for now, only Brother Lee sincerely loves Teteh. He also loved Aksa. After all Aksa and Kak Lee are still family, there is an inner bond between the two of them. And again ...." Zidan.

"Why?"

"Sister Lee never once left the Tet."

I cringe. "meaning?"

"Since you've officially divorced, and since Teteh married Kak Erlangga, Kak Lee has always been paying attention to Teteh from afar."

"Even when Erlangga was alive?"

"Hmmm. He said that Zidan wanted to make sure that Teteh and Erlangga were okay. He just wants to be there every time you need, or when Erlangga why-why."

"She may not be as articulate and not as brave as Brother Johan when approaching Teteh. But, I'm sure that Brother Lee is so written and his love is deep for Teteh. Tea, all human beings have faults and sins, they have the right to ask for forgiveness, and they also have the right not to get a punishment heavier than their own sins. Why is Teteh so hard to forget Erlangga's brother who clearly caused Teteh depression because of that terror."

"Enough! don't bring up my husband's mistakes." I got up from my seat.

"Don't law Brother Lee too heavy just because of Teteh's feelings for the late brother Erlangga."

"Please, we'll finish our conversation."

"Don't be too selfish and ignore the feelings of those around Teteh. They're all still alive."

I can only stare in wonder at Zidan's attitude tonight. Why is he so upset? I think this head hurts so much.

All this time, did they think I was selfish for loving my late husband too much? I know, he was wrong. His sin at my first marriage was huge.

Saddened? very sad. I was disappointed and even angry at Erlangga. I didn't even come when Lee and Aksa went to the tomb.

Why does it have to be like this? the man I love with all my soul is the one who caused the destruction of my household. Didn't he do that because it was too deep for me? but does that have to be the way he gets me?

In fact, I don't even know how I feel right now. Both Erlangga and Lee they are both the cause of the wound in my heart. The biggest disappointment in my life was caused by them.

This cry they are the cause.

Oh my God, what should I do? should I take Lee back? but what if there was a problem in our household later, would he divorce me so easily as that time?

I don't know ....

TO BE CONTINUE