100 DAYS AFTER I DIE

Part 12 (Father)

that night what else can I do, I can only cry. I pacified my relatives2 to remain patient, even om and my aunt offered to stay with them, to stay with them, because now I am an orphan, I do not give an answer my mind has not arrived to think about my future will be like what when left father, I am confused, the 2 in my head is just sadness.. I entered the room, slammed the door, and locked it.

I'm still angry, I'm still sad, I still. ahhhhhhggghh..

many things I thought about, but all that revolved around my head was a complaint, Why do bad things always, and continue to happen to me?, I was still too small when I lived in my mother first, but I was still too young, now I am not old enough to live father, is my sin too big Rabb? until you put all this on me, I thought so...

the sadness was more and more mountainous in my mind and heart, my heart was still pounding2, and felt tight, I saw my palms emit a thin blackish smoke that my emotions and aura were not stable... I stood in front of the mirror.I looked and saw a pathetic young man.that's my hair rasper2an, with a face collapsed, my eyes even have eye bags, my eyes even have puffed up, I can't remember the last time I took a shower....

I took a breath, and read Istighfar many2. I was still pacing back and forth in the room. ahhh I had to take a bath, and pray the circumcision ..

I washed the towel, and entered the bathroom that was in my bedroom...

I bathed with a mind that still does not want to imagine the father, the one2 of my family who now also have to leave me forever...

first my mother, then my father, the two most dear ones were taken away from me in a terrible way. can man not choose how he will die?, is it not better to die in old age,father and mother will surely choose to die by lying in a comfortable mattress on the day of death to pick up with surrounded by his loved ones? why Rabb, did you take my parents by force?, my mother and father died in an accident and disaster, they must have felt pain until death to pick him up right?

I rubbed my face, my tears were wiped away with the warm water flowing from the shower... And why did your rabb not invite me all?, and instead let me live in solitude and loneliness?.

I came out of the bathroom, changed clothes and prayed.I sat down at the table to daydream, I ignored the knock on the door from om and my aunt, I just screamed not to be disturbed first, I said, without opening the door. While daydreaming there is a trick on my shoulder, he grasped my shoulder, I know this is not a human hand, dare really anyone bother me. I intend to catch it and burn the creature. I turned around and blarrrrr! ........

I even fell backwards to hit the table because of the shock of what was in front of me, I just wanted to hit the creature turned out..

"Zal, what's wrong?, how come there's a loud noise?, you're gapapa to le?" said omku from outside the room. "ehhh. gapapa om, I was jatoh, already gapapa". and it looks like om bowo has passed,,,, it is,,

I :"sari!, you startle me. How can you get here?" I said the one who was still surprised Sari could get here...

Sari: "didn't I promise to always take care of you? rizal's sorry but it's your destiny to go through this"

I :"............."

Sari :"all the living will die, you must have understood that"

me :"why are you still here?, haven't you been dead long?"

Sari just smiled, though,..

Sari :"yahh.. everything did not go smoothly when I died zal, there was still curiosity when I died, until I refused to join half of myself who was already in the grave, he said, one day I will return to my realm, to the realm where I deserve to live"

Me: "can my father and mother be like you?, yes half of their soul remains in this realm?, do they not die curiously?, they should be curious to see their children live alone!, no, they should be curious to see their children live alone!, why isn't this fair!!, I'd rather they be like you and accompany me until I also catch up with them!"

sari smiled back, she approached and held both of my shoulders,,

Sari:" they died peacefully and sincerely, why? because they believe in you. When someone dies, time stops long enough, they can still think and see you when your mother sees you, they are confident that you can continue to live and grow up without them beside you" . Sari spoke in a very soothing voice, she was like sighing, which should be unnecessary since she no longer needed to breathe, perhaps just showing her expression...

Sari: "and if they are still with you here, it means they are not yet calm, half of their soul still wants worldliness, do you want your parents to bear the pain when they are beside you but in the end have to postpone the grave favors that they should have felt?, they have to face the reality of mortal worldliness.like I am today, he said, are you the heart?"

Sari :"think it good2 rizal, they go where they should, you may grieve.but don't overdo it, your parents can still see you there. They go not because they don't love you, they don't love you, they still do, and continue to love you in other ways"

I shed another tear, whether if all the tears I had collected since I was a child, it might have been enough to fill a full bath...

Sari: "live well, be of good use, your pain will lead you to become a high man in the eyes of fellow men and God"

i :"yes, yes sari I understand" I said as I sobbed..

Me: "can you show me my father's last moment?, just as you show me how my mother died?, I will strengthen my heart"

Sari: "are you sure?"

I just nodded..

Sari:"I'm not strong enough to fully demonstrate the incident"

Me: "show what you can sari"

sari pressed her hand against my forehead, I closed my eyes slowly..

and I was already on the scene in Aceh, seeing the flood that hit a city, cars, trees, building debris, and people, there were parents, there were children2, there were children my age a lot... I felt death, hahhhhhh, too heavy, this aura, I tried my hardest to survive.. I have not found the figure of the father, where is he? I squinted in the middle of the sea water that dragged thousands of people.My eyes were fixed with someone on the roof of the mosque building.that's father yes it's father is still safe, looks healthytt, he didn't even look hurt at all, but why was he pronounced dead,? then there was a man floating, a little boy, he got stuck in a tree branch, the father and the father tried to reach the boy, ah not until, the father held a carmentel rope and the rope2 was tied to him, the other end of the rope was held by several residents who were also on the roof. the father threw himself, trying to reach the child, yes the father hugged the little boy tightly, orang2 on the roof trying to pull them.. I shouted, there is a speck of hope that the father actually survived.but that hope was lost.yes there was a car that was washed away, and hit the father and the child he carried, I shouted... but there was no sound coming out of my mouth, the rope came off the handle of the man2 on the roof, the father was washed away with a small child he was carrying.. I mute my sight of kaburrr.My body is like being sucked in a strong wind, and once opened my eyes I was already in the room with a bloody nose2.

Sari: "even your father took the risk of saving someone, and it seems that God said otherwise"

Me: "why do you have to save the child!, why save the one who most likely cannot be saved!, why did you save the child and you must not even know the child!, and why did you save the child!, why did you choose to save the child and have to come die!, why sari!!!, you should choose life, and save me from loneliness" I said while crying, my cheek plakkk like slapped something I can't see..

sari: "why did you go crazy?, many parents lost their dead children, many children lost their parents there, but they did not go crazy like you!, look at their faces, they are also scared just like you, their lives are even threatened there.....

I fell silent, I thought I would do the same if I was a father, sari is right, everything that sari is right...

Me : "sari... I understand, sorry... and thank you here"

Sari:"I will always be around you when needed, you need sleep to stay alive.."

sari rubbed her hand against my face, and somehow I fell asleep, like fainting precisely because arrived2 all went dark......

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