The Secret Love Story (End)
All I Ask
If this is my last night with you
Decide on me as if I were more than a friend
Give me memories I can use
Take my hand when we are in love
It really matters how it ends
Because what if I never love you again?
~All In Ask, Adele~
It has been about six months Ara did the therapy on the sidelines of her free time from work routines. Mahdi faithfully waited for the girl until the therapy was done as usual. Ara came out of the therapy room and walked towards the Mahdi. Mahdi who knew the girl was finished with her therapy then said goodbye to the doctor who treated Ara. Mahdi invites Ara to eat at a small restaurant located not far from the clinic. While waiting for their ordered food to arrive, Ara said something that made the Mahdi feel surprised.
"Mas, Ma'afin Ara.," said Ara later which of course made Mahdi who originally saw his cellphone surprised and immediately looked at the girl.
"Why did you ask ma'af?" ask Mahdi.
"Because Ara forgets who you really are mas..," said Ara who of course makes more surprised.
"Kam...kamu...get your memories back?" tanya Mahdi who answered nods by Ara.
"You.remember who I am?" ask Mahdi later.
"Yes, of course I remember you. I remember you and all the memories of our childhood together. Forgive me mas, I don't remember you at all but you are always loyal to me and accompany me." said Ara as she shed her tears of guilt for forgetting the man before her.
"Hey, ugly girl, you should be glad you got your memories back and you remember who I am. Why are you crying...?" asked Mahdi then who felt his heart ache a little because he saw the girl in front of him crying.
"Ak.I'm happy. I'm glad that I can remember you and I got all my memories back. But.but.....,"
"But why? Why are you crying. Do not-do kam.kamu.kemintai...," guess the Mahdi who was then cut off by the words Ara.
"Yes, I remember it. I regained my memories of that person, ." said Ara who was still sobbing.
"Alhamdulillah, it means that your memory returns completely Ra. You should feel happy, happy and grateful because God granted your wishes. You shouldn't throw away your tears like this" Mahdi said.
"How could I not cry. How could it not. When I regained my memories of him, I became resentful of myself mas..,"
"Yes, Ara knows mas.tap.but....,"
"Ara, I don't know what really happened between you and her. So I can't give you much advice. If you want to tell the same story, you will listen to it, but if you are not ready...,"
"I'll tell you about it. I'll tell you everything. But, can you promise me one thing?" ask Ara.
Mahdi knew that he should not be selfish. He knew that destiny would go according to the way God intended. And finally he nodded his head as he agreed to all Ara's requests. Ara pu then told all his stories with that person.
"I knew him when we were working in the same institution during college. At first I didn't know how I ended up getting close to him. Because before there was not one man who could make me as comfortable as he was. We share our stories, about our families, about our childhoods, we share everything, just not with one thing, about who someone occupies our heart," ara said as she took a breath before she finally resumed her story.
"He helped me in many ways, and he took me wherever I wanted to go. And vice versa with me. I know it's wrong and I know that it's not right for two different kind of people without any strings attached to spend time together. However, I still did it mas, at that time I had no one to share, especially when mother died, I really felt alone. At that time I was really down, I wish I could see you mas, I hope at least you will come when my mother is buried, but in fact, but you did not come to see me" said Ara who is now accompanied by sobs.
"Ara.ak..aku. He didn't know what to say to the girl. Because just as she was hoping to meet him, Ara also felt the same way.
"At that time, I thought you were married. When some relatives in our old house went to my mother's funeral, I heard a lot of news that some of our friends were married, and I thought that way to you. Whether the news is true or not, I don't know. It's just that I learned one thing. I learned to let go of you." said Ara and of course made a deep sense of tightness for the Mahdi.
How could it not be, for a dozen years it turns out he realized that his feelings with Ara turned out to be the same before finally the girl came to her own conclusion that she was happy because of marriage, until the girl has to make the decision to let go. Mahdi is eager to tell him that he has never forgotten the girl in the least, there is no way he can be happy with the other girl while his heart is only fixed on one name. And the reason for not looking for the girl was because of her impossible condition back then. However, Mahdi preferred to be quiet and not reveal everything, because he did not want the girl to be burdened, because more than anyone else, he knew the heavy burden that the girl was carrying. Ara continued her story.
"And finally, only he survives by my side, when I am fragile, when I fall, when I panic, when I am, I always called him and he was always by my side even though sometimes he never asked me why because I wasn't ready to tell him. Until one day I realized he was slowly moving away from me. I heard that she went back to her lover and that's the strong reason why she finally left and started to get away from me. And when he did that, I felt like something was missing in my life. Until in the end I realized that I kept something else in me for her" said Ara honestly which of course even though Mahdi could guess what Ara felt in that person, he was still shocked because the girl told him her own feelings honestly. Although Mahdi lost hope of becoming the girl's companion, at least she was happy enough that she was willing to open up to him. Just like when they were kids.
Ara removed her sobs and attempted to smile later. He was relieved to have said everything to the Mahdi. Although he did not say his true feelings for the Mahdi before clearly, he knew that the man before him understood what he meant. They can communicate with each other freely and comfortably like it used to be that's what Ara expected. Mahdi smiled the same as he did, until he asked one next question.
"Em...Can I know who that man is? Who is the man who is able to make my little sister have more feelings?" mahdi asked in a seductive tone like she had done to Ara back when they were kids.
"Mas, may I keep his name for myself...?" said Ara with a timid face. Mahdi can see a red hue on the girl's face.
"Yes, of course. That is rightfully yours my beautiful sister.," said the Mahdi with rarity. He knew that Ara was still embarrassed to mention the man's name. And Mahdi did not demand for Ara to reveal the name of the man, but it was more because actually Mahdi could guess who the man was, because after all the Mahdi is also male so he can feel that as well.
"Ma'af instead I don't want to tell you who he is. It's just, I would be better if I kept him in my heart. Everything no longer matters. I don't want to be a bully anymore, because more than anything I don't want to hate myself more than this." said Ara, who then turned her face back to being sad. Mahdi who has memorized the nature of the girl before him who can easily change the atmosphere of the heart just listen to the words and stories of the girl, who is, as well as giving full advice to the girl who has been considered like her own sister.
"Why do you have to hate yourself, Ra....?" ask Mahdi in a soft tone.
"Because, because I've become a disgusting girl. I've heard that my friend thinks that I'm a destroyer of people's relationships because I always bother him. Although I basically have no idea when exactly she is the opposite of her lover. And when I realized my feelings, I hated myself because it turned out that I loved someone who already had a lover." explained Ara.
"Ra, a person's feelings for another person are fitrah. And you can't choose to whom in the end your feelings fall. It's all God's will, so why should you hate yourself for something that isn't your own?" said Mahdi who of course made Ara look at the man for his explanation. "We're just ordinary humans Ra. We cannot choose our feelings. Haven't you also never asked to drop your feelings for her before?" ask Mahdi. And Ara nodded in response to the Mahdi's question. "You're not wrong with how you feel about it. You would be wrong if you forced your feelings on him and did everything to have him, but it is not necessarily also that he is a destiny that is equated with you by God?"
"Hmm.you were right. Before I lost my memory, I had let go. I learned to recite it first, just like when God didn't grant me to meet you back then. However, suddenly God brought me with you when I really needed you to take care of me after the accident. From that I came to know that God actually gives us what we need and not what we want, right?"
"Yes, you're right. If in the end he is the soul mate that God has laid out for you, then he will be returned to you. If not, God will replace him with something better than him. You just need to improve yourself to be better so that God can strengthen you with it. And what I'm seeing right now is that you're at that stage, I'm pretty proud to see you look like this, a lot different than you I used to know,"
"Ish.mestilah mas, I was a child, I did not know the hijab and others," said Ara. Finally, the two of them finally enjoyed dinner together with the song All I Ask Adele who touched their hearts. However, they felt relieved today. Take away everything that happened between them. Letting go of old stories that should lie in memories and not be a barrier to life in the future.
And today Ara felt like she was getting a new self. He gave up all the burdens he had borne. After telling a man who was his adoptive brother when he was a child first.
"I'll just let you go. If you were created for me, God would eventually reunite you with me. I'll just stay in the same place, wait in my holy place with God and embrace you with do'a when I miss you," Ara's inner self.
*****
