The Secret Love Story (End)
All About You
You must have been sent from heaven to earth to change me
You're like an angel
The thing that I feel is stronger than love believe me
You're something special
I only hope that I'll one day desire what you've given me
But all I can do is try
Every day of my life
~Breathless, Shayne Ward~
I was watching television in the living room this time, but none of the shows caught my attention. I changed many times the channel on the television but found nothing I wanted to find. Yeah, how could I possibly find what I wanted, because what I was looking for was definitely not on that rectangular screen. I've been looking everywhere for months, but I can't find it. I was almost desperate at the time but every time I read her diary, I wanted to find her. No matter what hemisphere he is in, I was determined that I would find him.
"Gha, why did you notice you were going to change the channel?" ask Mama.
"Gak papa Ma, not da who is fun..," replied Erlangga.
"If not the intention of watching tv mending diatiin aja mama dizzy see," explained Mama. "Emang you again why the hell Gha, told back to Singapore does not want, at his work house to reflect on, you do not go playing as usual. Mama Mending see you go to play all day rather than at home kayak gini make Mama more worried aja," explained Mama Erlangga named Merlita.
"Egha does not want to go back to Ma, Egha will come back if it has failed the affairs of Egha, Ma," explained Erlangga.
"Indeed what business is it to the extent that you can like gini..," asked Mama Merlita while shaking her head to see her son's increasingly strange behavior.
"There's a Ma, someday Mama will know. But not at the moment,"
"Yes, that's it. By the way Brina hasn't been here yet either. Doesn't he know you're home?" ask Mama Merlita.
Erlangga shook his head. "Egha still hasn't told Ma,"
"Why son, are you fighting with him?"
"No Ma, only Egha still did not want to meet him Ma,"
"Yes wis if it really wants you le, the important thing is that your relationship is still fine,"
"Yes Ma..,"
*****
After talking to my mom, I went straight back to my room. I opened it and read the diary again. And I read carefully the contents inside as usual. And obviously every time I read that story, I go back to remembering those memories.
August 11, 2012
I met someone's mother. Someone I want to introduce you to. He said hello to you mother, but I did not have time to convey that greeting to you at that time. You lay weakly in that hospital bed, with an infusion from your chest that had to be hollowed out. I was weak when I saw you lying like that mother, until all the words I wanted to tell were lost and destroyed. But mom, now I'm telling you about her, about her. He's someone who makes me able to live out how sad and fragile I am when you're gone. She's someone I depend on other than you mother. He's the one who erased all my bad memories. With him I can be anything I want. I'm happy she's beside me mom and I hope that she can forever be by my side. Am I being too selfish?
Erlangga sighed reading the first page of the diary. He pondered and roiled with his thoughts later. Until finally he knew that the girl began to write the contents on the first sheet of the diary after her mother died a few years ago. But, he still did not understand who was meant by someone listed with the pronoun "he" in the diary. Then, he went on to read the next page of the diary. Until he reached the last page of the diary which of course made him stunned and furious curious about who the girl meant.
May 27, 2017
Mom, I don't know what makes me like this. These are different things, not the same. I don't feel a heartbeat racing at the speed of light in a vacuum. I don't really feel it the same way I did the first time I fell in love. It's different mom, and I don't know what to call this feeling. I'll explain why. I felt pain when he silenced me, but I did not feel any pain seeing him with the other woman.I shed my tears, endured the restlessness and grief all the time when he did not inform me for a few days. I felt butterflies flying in my stomach when I saw him smile or when I found happiness on his face.When he was beside me I felt all my fear disappear and only left the comfort I felt. And I don't know why do'a I always say without missing his name there.
My feelings about her became real for a while even though I sometimes didn't believe her, and only emphasized that it was just a coincidence and not because I was really connected to her. But the dreams of him that brought that feeling always came every day without me avoiding it again. Then I fell into a daze when I found out that the hunch came true after I heard everything through the story the next morning. Even to this day, though I have been separated by time and space with him, I still often have foreboding dreams about him. I don't know why mom, if she and I weren't placed in the same fate but why do I still feel connected to her? until the aphelium that separated me from him seemed to be imperceptible, because he was close to my heart even though it did not appear in my eyes.
Mom, now I'm just gonna let go. For the woman he loves, for his happiness. Because I know there's no me in that happiness. I don't want to be selfish mom, I do want her to stay by my side without any hope of me being able to have her. But, I knew it would only add to the hurt in her heart, and I didn't want that to happen.
To you, the one who erased my bad memories, ma'af if I make my own decision to erase you in my life. Not because I hate you but because I love you and I don't want to be a burden on your life by always depending on you. This is what's best for me, for you, for us and for our religion. Bismillah, I'm sincere.
After reading the last page in the diary. Erlangga felt heat around his eyes. Until the glasses he wore seemed to evaporate and make his vision blurred. He took off the glasses and cleaned them later.
"Who makes you like this Ara, I will not forgive him" Erlangga murmured.
*****
"Are you okay?" ara asked for a moment when she saw the young man walking staggered.
"Yes, I'm good. It's just me." said the young man.
"You're not okay. Do you need me to help you get me to the hospital?" ask Ara later.
The young man was surprised to see someone offering him help. He could not believe that there was still someone who cared about others even for someone he did not know. The young man finally nodded his head in approval of Ara's suggestion. The woman in a wide black skirt outfit with a black and white striped top accompanied by a long gray veil dangling it made the young man unceasingly stare in amazement but the woman he was staring at he remained busy administering the hospital while he was being helped by his driver and nurses to get first aid.
Ara stared at the weakly lying young man with the still-hanging infuse that was channeled with a small hose in her left hand. A few hours later the man finally looked better not as bad as a moment ago. And having the man open his eyes and look towards Ara, Ara also revealed her smile.
"Do you feel better?" asked Ara who was sitting next to the young man's bed.
"Yes, thank you for helping" said the young man.
"Yes alike. Your doctor said you should rest a lot because it looks like you are exhausted because of a lot of thoughts," explained Ara. And was answered with a nod by the young man. "Then do you need any other help before I leave? Ma'af I can't wait here long because I have to go back to the office again" explained Ara next.
"Yes, it's okay. I've been really good thanks to you. But may I ask you one more time?"
"Yes, of course,"
"May I borrow your phone, I want to let my family know and my phone is missing,"
Ara also gave her phone to the young man. The young man then made a call to someone across there. There was a sense of worry on someone across there that could be heard by Ara because the voice of someone across there was loud enough that maybe some people who were not far from the bed of the young man could hear it. A few minutes later after the young man called Ara, he asked for permission to leave. Ara then left without having time to introduce herself and asked the young man's name.
The young man was about to ask Ara's name and pay her hospital bills later after her family arrived, but Ara seemed to be in such a hurry that she even just put the medicine along with her prescription notes and bills on the nightstand and then passed away. Not long after a few minutes after the departure of Ara a man wearing rectangular glasses also came to him. And as if knowing what the man was about to do, the young man shuddered in horror.
"Loe, go to the hospital again? Wh why? Why is it like this? Loeu broke up again, same girlfriend loe? Which other loe boyfriend decided this time? Chyntia, Mita, Diana, Wena or." said the bespectacled man who was then stopped by the young man's reproach.
"Sister.this time Riana who broke up me..," said the young man who immediately made the glasses man who in fact his brother moaned.
"Loe's Ethan's man, until when will you be like this. Diputusin chick direct stress and kayak gini. Anyway, one of you too, this is karma for you because you often hurt a lot of girls," explained the guy with glasses.
"Yes sister, but I want to be insyaf, and I want to break up all my girls for Riana. Uh, but instead Riana broke up and turned back her ex" explains Ethan. Erlangga only sighed at the behavior of his only brother.
"Trus, who was it that brought you to this hospital?"
"A big sister, beautiful," explains Ethan while grinning himself remembering the face of the woman who a moment ago helped him.
"That's right you're back again, a while ago said you want to insyaf, uh right now instead....,"
"Sueer, she's so beautiful. Not her pretty face, her face is just her heart ituloh really pretty. Nowadays not many people still want to care about others let alone people who are not familiar, but he is different. Anyway she is beautiful let alone see her appearance covered from top to bottom with her long hijab dangling and twitching in the wind, it feels so adem kak see her face,"
"The muslim girl? Asked the bespectacled man who immediately answered a nod by his sister. "Since when has the loe type changed?" seductive sister.
"Since then, a few hours ago,"
"Huh, basic. Don't-don't tuh girls who wear black clothes with a gray hijab yes...?" ask Ethan's brother.
"Well, how do you know, brother?"
"She had a quick look at him coming out of this hospital, but didn't see his face just the back of it, anyway,"
"Well, nyesel deh loe kak did not see his face. Duhhh, let's just say I know his name,"
"Well, didn't you know that?"
"No, he rushed to the office, he said,"
"Hahhh.the macem girl she's an office worker..,"
"Yes, why brother. Is something wrong?"
"Not really..," said Erlangga. Erlangga was pensive and reminded of someone, he imagined what if he saw the girl he had been looking for all this time. Will she look the same as the girl her sister had seen a few hours ago. A girl who still maintains her principles under any circumstances.
*****
