THE NO-MAN'S LOVE
7. FEEL GUILTY
I don't know what my husband wants from his feelings for that woman. Have each other? It seems impossible anymore, because he himself has been frank that he has married me. Does he hope that someday if they can be together, I will be dumped and left behind? Really, I don't understand his way of thinking about love.
***
“Now you know everything, Egi! I love him, but he only thinks of me as a friend.”
Finished shopping for household necessities and everything was put in the trunk, Genio took his wife to rest in a cafe, before they continued their plans to tour the city.
They only briefly meet with Monita, because it turns out that the woman is not alone. Shortly after congratulating and hugging Egidia, her fiance came from the cinema area upstairs, then invite the woman who loved Genio to quickly enter the studio where the film they choose to watch will be played soon.
“She had also planned a wedding with the man of her choice. They are friends since childhood and will continue the relationship to a more beautiful level.”
Egidia tried to show calmness before her husband. The husband who was telling me about another woman who was unattainable to have by him.
“Husband candidates also do not mind our closeness. Maybe, more or less the same as you. The difference is, they love each other, whereas we are the opposite.”
The graceful-looking woman twirled the straws in the fresh juice she ordered, but it did not in fact refresh her heart and mind which was hot and tired. Her gaze continued to avoid the gaze of the husband who told her calmly, as if it was natural that they would open up to each other like this.
“Once again I'm sorry, if the beginning of our marriage is filled with many bad surprises from me. I'm not used to lying, except to please both my parents, just as I agreed to our arranged marriage.”
Egidia continued to listen without any desire to repay him. Her head was no longer able to think anything, when she heard her husband talking about another woman. Wanting to react to what and how, he also did not know and was afraid of being wrong. Genio may even be offended and angry.
“If Monita had not been in a relationship with anyone, it might have been a long time since I dared to refuse our matchmaking. I will take her home and introduce her to my parents as the person I love and want to have.”
Like being struck by such a huge and heavy hammer, Egidia's head throbbed to obscure his sight. It was very painful, both in his head and even more so in his heart. The graceful woman closed her eyes, after looking down to hide her face that had definitely changed drastically.
On the contrary, as if indifferent and deliberately ignoring whatever his wife's attitude, Genio actually continued his sentence which again alluded to his opposition to the matchmaking of the two.
“They won't impose a will if I already have a candidate of my own choice. However, until the deadline given by them, I failed to show who the woman I loved all this time.”
Both parents Genio did give tolerance time to the son to find his own soul mate until the age of twenty-five years. The figure was chosen because it coincided with the end of the work period of the father who had been retired.
“There is no way I forced Monita, while she herself already has a fiancee.”
“Finally, I can only resign and agree to the matchmaking as well as our wedding plans.”
Quitting? That one word made Egidia feel even more pain in her heart. He also finally resigned and accepted the decision of his parents, but not with a tone of regret like the man before him. Genio said it as if he was still reluctant to accept their marriage freely. In fact, she still hopes for something of her love for Monita.
They were talking about the marriage that had already taken place and both of them, Egidia ventured to ask her husband a question. She wanted to know the truth, whatever answer the husband would give.
“Can I ask you one thing, Mas?”
“Please answer when Mas Gen is pleased, but it does not matter if you are not willing to give an answer.”
The woman with a sad look covered with a smile on her lips looked at her husband's face and waited for a reaction at his request. Shortly after, Genio nodded and took another sip of his favorite iced coffee.
“Before I apologize if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Just tell me if Mas Gen wants to ignore my question.”
“It's okay. Just say it and say everything or a wedge that is in your heart. We must indeed open each other, although the goal is not to bring us closer and unite our respective feelings.”
Egidia continued to show her smile. Not to attract the husband, but to cover the true heart.
“Does Mas Gen have the intention to split up, if someday get the chance to have it?”
Genio's response was highly anticipated by Egidia. He had already prepared his heart for the worst possible, so now the woman was waiting with a heart beat that was too uncertain.
The man's face did change instantly, but what was said later did not reflect the change. It seemed, he was hiding something that he wanted to keep himself.
“Do you also think if I intend to play my promise before God?” Genio's slightly raised voice, signifying his sensitive reaction.
Egidia felt that she had misquired a question that, since her husband's confession last night, kept her mind stirring and making her unsettled.
“I'm sorry, Mas. Really, I don't think that far. This question is purely born and continues to stretch in my mind after your story last night about him.”
The woman lowered her head with a face that was already flushed holding back tears. Even if there was no such intention, she still felt guilty for making her husband look angry.
“I don't blame and dispute about the feelings you have for that woman, Mas. I just thought of a possibility that may be wrong and never in your mind.”
In my heart, Genio felt guilty. Had Egidia not lowered her head and could see the tension on her face at this moment, that woman would definitely not have been able to be lied to by her disavowal.
Your question makes me feel guilty, not just for you, but for our family. I'm sorry, Egi! To be honest, I still hold great expectations about myself and her.
