THE NO-MAN'S LOVE
17. TELANJUR LOVING
Does our marriage have to end tragically with such a heavy test? I don't know, why besides having a hard time getting her heart, I also have to have a hard time staying with her? Survive to be happy, in the midst of the havoc that always unsettles the soul. Surviving to be able to make herself as happy as she could, when I knew that the space in her heart that was supposed to be mine, had already been occupied by another woman who was still the center of her attention.
***
“Sorry, all day I was very busy and kept my phone in the desk drawer.”
After work, while the two of them were in the room, Genio immediately preceded the talk before his wife asked.
“I just held it back when going home earlier.”
Egidia only smiled in response to her husband's statement, but she did not mention it at all. He tried to understand and not think about it anymore. Without saying a word, she prepared a change of clothes for her husband, before exiting the room to make a warm drink.
Once home after Mutia delivered to the front of the hospital lobby and booked an online taxi for her, she took a break and continued with a nap. His body felt very tired, even his stomach returned nausea and finally vomiting again.
However, he chose not to tell all of that to Genio. He still felt tired and did not want to feel disappointed if the husband would not care about his complaints like the night before.
Rather than being overwhelmed by Genio's indifference, Egidia decided that she would tell him nothing more unless the man asked first and wanted to know the truth.
If only impressed pretending to care or just ask without sympathy let alone empathy, it is better he saves and feels everything alone. Enjoying his own heartache and wounds, without the need to ask for mercy and attention from a man who has neglected himself.
“How is the results of the doctor's examination? Are you okay?”
Once again Egidia nodded, not wanting to tell a long story if the end would only be considered fine.
“Thank God then. Don't be forced to do household activities when you feel tired! It is better to rest so as not to fall ill.”
“I also don't demand you to do this-that. If you are able please do, if nothing is okay.”
Again, Genio said all that without thinking about the feelings of the wife. Whoever it was, no one wanted to be weak and become sick. If you can choose, of course, everyone wants to feel healthy all the time.
Egidia began to shut herself down, rather than having to fight the husband. Today, there have been many bad events. He did not want to add any more pain in his heart.
“Mas Gen won't eat anymore?” The woman who was already wearing the nightgown shifted the subject.
“I'm full. Thank you.”
Egidia let out a long breath, trying to ease the tightness in her chest that began to make her pair of eyes feel poignant and wet.
“I'll have dinner first, Mas!” leave without moving first.
“Ya.” Although it was predictable, still the woman was disappointed by Genio's reaction that did not take her eyes off the bright screen held.
Why is that phone always more attractive to him than I am his wife? Why does the phone seem so much more valuable to him than me and my heart that he should be guarding?
Egidia grabbed the door handle and pulled slowly to close it. However, it was not until the meeting that she did so, her heart was racing with the accompanying pain, as she could vaguely hear the voice of her husband greeting someone who was definitely connected to her across the call.
“Halo, Nit!”
Egidia let go of her hand and closed the door because she did not want to make a sound that disturbed her husband. He closed his eyes while putting his right hand over his chest. Feeling the sadness that unfortunately does not make him happy, but painful and incised a new wound in his heart.
Actually, what kind of relationship is there between you? Is there anything you're hiding from me, Mom?
“Thank you for the dinner. I really enjoyed it!"
"More times, I will take you and practice you again!”
Egidia had already shed tears when she heard the voice of Genio who was still replying to the woman who had been loved and had always been her top priority. He felt worthless at all. Not as a woman, nor as a wife who should be preferred by the husband.
I guess that compliment is just for me. Apparently, there are other women who are happier there because they get the same compliments. Even your voice sounded more detached and earnest when you delivered the compliment to him.
In order to maintain her weak physical condition and fragile mood, Egidia forced herself to fill her stomach alone in the quiet and silent dining room. His sighs were even heard in between him swallowing mouthfuls after mouthfuls that felt bland because of the sadness that was present repeatedly today.
Will I still be able to survive a marriage with this unrequited one-sided love? It was very painful and excruciating, knowing even hearing firsthand the attention my husband gave to other women who had already filled and controlled his entire life.
Egidia stopped at the fifth bribe. He could no longer afford to continue his dinner, even though it had been forced and stuffed into his own mouth. He pushed the plate that still contained the food over to the center, then dropped his head on the two hands that had already been folded on the edge of the table. His face was hidden, while his shoulders began to move up and down as sobs became more and more sobbing.
I love him, I love him! Love him so much!
