LIFEWEAR

A BODY WITHOUT A SOUL

sayup sayup night raining. speckled rainwater that fell in the dry cycle.as if a symbol of the world's wrong season. and the song of the night insect wrenching the hearing as if tormenting the eardrum that wants a break from the frenetic world.

a touch of warm touch that is no longer desired. seduction romantic seduction that does not want to be listened to. and the roar of breath that burdensome only leaves a cry that is increasingly dry without tears. live duty without passion and without soul. surrender to a life that is never wanted.

"the things I've been guarding I should leave to the man I never loved." the speech always came out to end his obligation as a wife while seeing the husband who had fallen asleep after giving up his desire.

crying without tears as if becoming a night friend.

"even this womb that I have always guarded must be filled with seeds from people I do not love. Lord, forgive me for being ungrateful for Your destiny and Your will." she said inwardly accompanying the night goddess who had picked her up to her subconscious.

the marriage apparently never made her happy.the affection and all that attention could never win her heart.ningsih, even though the womb has been filled with seeds.half the soul has been filled in her, and the all-sufficient life enveloped his day but could never touch his heart.His heart was still intact for people who no longer knew him.

it was so painful to have to lose someone dear, having to marry a person who is not in love and must continue to play a role in maintaining the integrity of the household and must continue to carry out obligations as a filial wife and serve the husband.

like a puppet.living life but can not control himself.acting in accordance with the will of the owner.I can not be evaded or all will be a disgrace to the family. the choice that returns must make him resigned to the circumstances.

indeed living a life of what is available.Even everyone respects it. praise him even flatter him because he is the wife of a person who is very highly appreciated and meritorious to people around him, once again she could never make him happy, all because her husband was only good in the eyes of people but not in his household.

success and everything is a tool. yes a tool that is always in the wrong use.maybe not many people know. because its goodness covers its ugliness.even though reality is very very bad.all only ningsih know, all you know, because he was his companion.

maybe this is what makes the heart ningsih can not be ignored.the thing that a woman never wants, only to be satisfied with desire.Ease after that all is only symbolic not true love. and it can be as satisfying as it is to other women when obstacles come upon her.

yes..that's the fact that someone only thinks of his power as a tool. both in the eyes but bad behind the back. all of that certainly makes ningsih can only cry to mourn fate and let his body become a doll in the guise of a wife.

******

in the morning, as the bird sings on a wet branch, when the wind begins to cool, when the chicken thrashes and asks for his breakfast ration, when the smoke of iron horse smoke roars its pistons, when the smiling sun greeted the world and when the new day welcomed replace the old day.it seemed ningsih lying in his bathroom.fresh blood flowed down his thighs and flowed following a small hole in the corner of the bathroom.

no one knew it until the moment when he woke up from his sleep and was about to cleanse his body from the rest of his desires earlier in the morning, in his seat ningsih who was unconscious.

"dik woke up dik" he said who began to panic, but there was no response from ningsih. soon dimas brought ningsih to the clinic.

the beginning became a family disaster even though healthy after that, but the verdict made her a woman who could not do anything because her uterus could not to lay seeds anymore.

sadness that seemed to be in a row and no end. the pressure that increasingly gnawed at the soul. without reinforcement and without support from anyone. made him remember the mass that increasingly tortured him.

"sister, it may be true that you said I've been dead since you left." shrieked in the infirmary that even made it worse.

not yet exhausted the pain touched his life.now as if the whip was ready to rain down his body.mas who was expected to keep beside him turned out to be just a bitter dream that will be obtained. yes, a bitter dream for women as a wife who will be divorced or even have to receive a divorce letter.

"sorry, I did this because my family and I need offspring and you can't make that happen" said dimas with a divorce letter in his hand and asked to sign it.

"all the expenses I've paid." continued dimas while leaving to let ningsih who could only cry lamenting everything that had happened.

the soul that has long sustained wounds, the body that has long been pierced now seems unable to support.ningsih was unconscious in the presence of wounds that gnawed at his life. his soul dropped and his hope was gone.

all efforts have been made, but all ended in a dead end and does not mean anything.ningsih asleep like a lifeless life. his soul flew in the endless vast grasslands and his body was left behind in the real world that he no longer wanted.

"sir how is this?" isak bu narti while rubbing the forehead of his helplessly rolled son.

"all has become the storyline.we can only pray." said Pak Narto while wiping his own tears.

"why should this happen to our son sir?" said madam narti again with her sobs.

"the mother herself chose the way.why mother asked the father" said Pak narto while walking leaving the narti bu who was crying over the situation ningsih his daughter.not disappointed, not disappointed, but he seemed to be getting stronger when he had to see it all.

"sorry mother nduk who never understood your feelings. wake up nduk mother promise will obey all your will" isak bu narti increasingly become. but ningsih still froze without any response other than regular breathing.

meanwhile, it appears that Mr. Narto who is in the hospital park just crying to see his favorite daughter rolled helpless.

"what do you have to do to get you up" she said, looking heartbreaking.