LIFEWEAR

REALISE

I am so tired today. My course, which runs for almost a month, was a bit energy draining. Plus the job I'm doing requires me to go home at night.

I opened my door lazily. My heart stopped beating. I saw my mother crying at my desk. I'm the sister who sits on the bed. We occupied the same room. So are my two brothers. They occupy the next room.

My mother just looked at me. I saw his hand holding a piece of paper. I'm aghast. My face paled. The receipt of my course payment!!!!!

Oho!nay!nay! My heart screamed.

Mouth cuddled. Can't say a word.

"Is this Risa?!"

"Sorry, Mommy." I approached my mother and fell on her feet.

"Fraud!" Mother's voice shook with the cry.

"A..I can explain Mak." I stammered.

My mother looked at me with anger.

"Mak. Don't be angry with Brother. He must have had a reason." Nanda was afraid to open her voice. Uh! A clever little girl. His mind is so mature, more so than a child his age.

"Don't interfere Nanda! Sleep on!" Decide Mother.

Nanda did not dare to fight. Nanda pulled a little and covered his entire body then lay down. I knew in there she must be crying. So too in my brother's room and my father's. They did not dare to go out to end this situation.

"Mak. I'm just on leave, next year I'll continue my studies."

"Lied!!! You don't fool me!"

"I'm not lying, Mom." I sobbed.

"Don't fool me Risa! My mother was not educated. But you can still read!" My mother threw the receipt in front of me.

"Sir.it's only temporary. Only 3 months. That's me..."

I haven't finished my sentence, my mother interrupted...

"Because Mamak does not go to school, Mamak wants to send you to school with your sisters as high as possible. No matter what to owe here and there! No matter what you have to work, leave early in the morning and come home almost at night! Mama doesn't care about all the neighbor's gossip. What matters is that you can go to school!!! But you....!!!!" My mother is back sobbing.

I dare not lift my face. I just fell down while crying.

"Listen to Risa first Mak. Risa can explain everything."

"Mama doesn't need it! Mama's disappointed Risa."

JILLYBB!!! That word so pierced my heart.

"You will fill your mind Risa!!! My mother was hysterical while hitting my shoulder.

"You'd better go!" She pulled my hand and pushed my body.

My brother and father approached us.

"Enough Mak! Listen to the explanation." Said the Father while hugging my mother. My sister hugged me while sobbing. The atmosphere is so chaotic.

"Go! Go!!" My mother is hysterical.

I also decided to leave. I just walked out of the house. I just ran away. My brain can't think. I just ran aimlessly.

Tired of running, I walked. I walk in gontai steps.

I should be happy today. Because Miss Fany my course teacher gave me a golden opportunity. He recommended me to his friend in M city to be educated for 3 months.

"You're talented, son. In just one month, your development is so fast. There you can develop your design skills. Not just sewing. Prepare yourself next week." Said at that time.

But I'm late. My mother was disappointed. It made me so broken and discouraged.

My only reason to keep fighting was him. Seeing his spirit I became excited. I live only to make him proud.

I want to make up for all the fatigue and sweat with my success. All the insults, sadness and suffering I will replace with pride.

But what I did. I failed! I'm really useless. I'm a bad boy. It's over! All I can do is cry.

Without realizing it, I arrived at the gas station where I worked.

Tuta ran when he saw me coming.

"Hey...What's going on?"

I just cry and cry. I look so fucked up.

"Can you take me away, Tut? Where aja's. Please." Pinta.

"OK.okay.." Tuta led me to the office.

He took a cell phone and sent a message. Before long Gama came in a hurry.

"Take him to Uncle's house." Gama.

All along the way we were silent. Shortly after, we arrived.

"Bik.. Bik Goddess!" Shouted Gama

A beaked woman came rushing over to us.

"I am sir." The woman answered respectfully.

"Prepare warm sweet tea Bik. Same guest room please clean." Gama's Order. Then he left too.

"Prim. Please take care of him. I have to get back to work." Tuta Say. Gama just nodded.

"Riss. Don't you think I'm staying?" Tuta said as he rubbed my head

I just nodded weakly.

"Drink the tea first."

Then Gama took me to my room.

"Rest. I slept in the room knowing, if need be what. Call me huh?!" He said while covering me.

"The house is big." I said in my heart.

My mother's face crossed my mind. I also went back to crying and crying. I want to end my life. But I don't have enough courage.

"Sorry, Mommy." I kept repeating that word in my heart.

Suddenly my head felt heavy. Like there's hundreds of nails poking. So hurt.

Despite wearing a thick blanket my body shivered. I tried to open my eyes but it was dark. I raised my head too, I could not.

I just heard some vague buzzing sounds.

Ah..maybe it's my end.

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