It is written in my Imam

Episode 218 His uneasy feelings.

Rania must return to Rendy's room feeling guilty after hearing what the Doctor and her husband Rendy were talking about. Rania's face looked so lethargic with tears dripping down her cheeks.

" So he didn't touch me because of that problem. Until when everything is like that. Am I really evil. Wh why? why can't I be a good wife," Inner Rania with her 2nd hand on her face and rubbed that face.

Rendy's door opened suddenly and made Rania rush to wipe her tears.

" Dear you're looking for me?" ask Rendy.

" Hmmm, oh yes I was looking for you" said Rania who smiled closed her grief. Rendy noticed his wife's face which seemed to be very strange.

" What are you doing?" ask Rendy who seems to know if his wife is not okay.

" Hmmm, I, I'm okay, I'm why" said Rania who tried to cover up what she thought.

" Are you sure it's okay?" ask Rendy. Rania nodded confirming that she was okay at all.

" Hmmm, yes we have been looking for a yuk meal," asked Rendy.

" Hmmm, come on" said Rania who immediately stood up. Rendy grabbed his wife's hand and took her away.

**********

Rendy and Rania are in the car and look so moody that Rania just looks out the window who does not know what exactly Rania thinks. But Rendy saw that and grabbed his wife's hand and gripped her tightly.

" Dear, what's wrong with you?" asked Rendy by putting Rania's hand on her thigh.

" I'm fine" replied Rania who did not want to tell her husband if he was thinking about something.

" Where could you be okay. I see you like there's something" said Rendy who can't lie to Rania.

" Hmmmm, I want to kill our son" Tanisa said suddenly. It was really surprising for Rendy with the request of Rania who suddenly wanted to be killed.

" Are you sure?" ask Rendy.

" Hmmm, I'm sure. I want to see our son's grave. I'm ready and I'm not supposed to be there," said Rania who is really sure to go visit her daughter's house, "you want to accompany me?" tanya Rania looked towards Rendy. Rania's eyes showed a sadness that was not ready to see her son's grave. But he was just trying to be ready to see it.

" Dear you why shut up. You're not taking me?" ask Rania.

" Yes Rania I'll take you. We'll go together. We'll see him" said Rendy. Rania smiled faintly with a nod. Then leaning her head on her husband's shoulder, Rendy kissed Rania's head.

***********

Her husband beside her rubbed Rania's shoulders to give Rania the strength to not be sad anymore.

" Dear you wait for Mom in heaven. We will definitely meet. Forgive me for not giving you the chance to open your eyes in this world. Forgive my mother, son" said Rania who felt guilty for her son.

" Rania it's not your fault. Don't think like that, baby, this is God's way and if someone has to blame it's me not you," sahut Rendy who calms Rania who continues to make Rania not to feel guilty.

" It's a pity you don't criticize anymore. Our son is happy in his place. She was also very happy because her mother had come to visit her place. And he will be sad if he sees his mother will be sad" said Rendy who brought Rania into his arms.

" You don't cry anymore" said Rendy. Rania nodded. Rendy wiped his wife's tears with her 2nd hand and kissed her forehead gently.

" We go home" said Rendy. Rania nodded. Before coming home Rendy and Rania both rubbed the messan and also kissed the messan gently.

They had not yet returned home and were still standing in front of the small grave with Rania in Rendy's arms with her hands on Rendy's chest. While Rendy's hand on his wife's shoulder continues to rub his wife's shoulder.

" Mother and father will continue to visit you" said Rania who stared at the messan continuously whose cries will not stop when it comes to his dead son.

**********

The night came back. Rania already seemed to be asleep by lying on her side. Rendy came out of the bathroom and went straight to the bed. Rendy climbed onto the bed and sat down next to his sleeping wife by turning her back. Rendy pulls the blanket over to cover Rania by kissing Rania soft forehead.

" I love you dear" said Rendy.

Rendy who was leaning on the head of the bed picked up the book she had read as usual. When he opened the page marked Rendy there was a piece of paper that fell down involved and Rendy already knew what it was. What else if it was not Rania who really likes to write letters for him.

Rendy grunted smilingly looking at Rania with her head in a daze. Then immediately opened the fold of the paper and it was true the writing of his wife

Dear husband.

...Today I am so sad and disappointed. That initial writing made Rendy's facial expression change that smile that suddenly disappeared and was so serious....

...Why are you hiding such a big thing from me. Why do we talk about it and talk to each other. I've been wondering why lately? her romanticization the bed between us never happened. I wonder why you have not touched me and I have also tried to start and you have been so indifferent and cold to me. At the hospital, I heard everything....

...Which turns out what was asked has been answered and again it all happened because of my mistake. Honey what's wrong with us talking about this. Baby can't be forever like this. Healing is not ours and if I am sick I have an important duty to serve you. Serving you won't make me die. Isn't that a reward for both of us....

...I beg you please don't make excuses for my pain to ruin what we've built. My pain doesn't know when it's healing and it doesn't mean that long we're both like an unmarried couple. I'll only feel guilty dear for the rest of my life. If that happens. I don't want my flaws as a wife to be more and more. I beg you to let me continue to do my duty as your wife who gives you your due. I don't want to disappoint you,"...

Rania wrote in her letter that brought out all the contents in her heart that made Rendy's eyes glazed over.

Seriate.