High School Autobiography (Hero Generation)

CHAPTER 36: ANTIMATTER IS ME. (Part 2)

”Cita-cita ha ...? I also have ideals .. and yes, my ideals are .. destroy your ideals, then .. give birth to new ideals ... an ideal that will give birth to justice, if no one is able to create justice, I will come back to life to destroy that ideal.

”YOU ARE EVIL!“ hardik Wisty's.

”Nothing evil when we talk ideals ..“ bela Loze.

”Stop expressing justification!“ tozka Tegur.

”Why ... why can't we enjoy SMA peacefully ..?“ Tozka began to complain.

” Understand, we live not for fun .. and understand, as long as there is pain, peace will never exist .. when I read the autobiographical book of a Lily Kasih High School alumni, I read, we are required to make this world free, we are required to be human beings who have a spirit of heroism .. but on the one hand .. evil will arise because of pain and disappointment ... if there is a world of peace, then .. it is certainly not the world of man.“ Loze gave his perception.

We were pensive, yes, I did feel the injustice in life, I always felt pain with my phobias, plus all my hard work was always betrayed by unsatisfactory results. I who stand today, have been shaped by disappointment, many who claim that my future is bleak, they judge me a foolish child who only troubles parents, they judge me with all kinds of hatred, he said, I'm an underachieving child, just a child who's considered trash. I am Laisa, who always demands perfection, but is ultimately betrayed by results.

”I do not want to change the world, the world remains full of lies, there is no point in living a happy life ..for what a happy life, when our comrade-in-arms die by his unrecognizable soul, for what is a happy life ... if in fact .. our happiness .. is a misery for some others.“ Loze went back to saying a sentence that made my pain worse. Even I was confused as to why I felt this pain.

The pain is underestimated, denigrated, and judged as rubbish. I began to be consumed by his words. I began to feel despair, this inner bond did exist, and this bond, which had revealed Loze's agony, I had no idea what her past was like, but, the suffering felt.

“Too much talk! I want to get this done quickly!” sergeant Anka.

“Listen first to my words friends .. because ... words are part of the action,” pinta Loze.

“I DON'T WANT TO DIE! NAY! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!” Wisty refused until she shook her head. Wisty looks scared.

“A-I came here ... want to make you turn into a good person!” cetus Wisty's.

“No good man Wisty, all men are buying and selling with his Lord, we are buying heaven by good works, no Wisty, no good man, we are trading with God, we are buying heaven by good deeds, because we're afraid of hell,” denies Loze.

Wisty was stunned not knowing what to say anymore, even he immediately scratched his shoulder.

I grumbled, angry at my current situation. I felt troubled by Loze's words.

“Loze!” myrag.

Loze looked at me sharply.

“Let go my friends! Enough of me to feel your pain!” I said out loud and tried to save my friends. It was a bit sorry that they even came here.

“Laisa.” Anka did not accept.

“No! Let me just die! I am tired of my own soul! I was sick of the temporary pain,” Tozka was suddenly consumed by Loze's words.

“I, I'm coming! Yep! Better to be sick forever! Rather than living a confused life!” Cludy was suddenly involved with the sentence Loze.

But, there, on my left, a whiny girl, the antrophobic Wisty, said, “I .. I don't want to die .. I don't want to go to hell!” Wisty was still determined to survive.

Even though Wisty looked weak, having even experienced the severe trials of life, she, still had the hope to survive. Wisty, only he who was not affected by the ravings of Loze, that weak girl, was still able to keep breathing. As for Anka, she also seemed to still want to survive.

“Stop acting stupid friends,” Anka quipped.

“You must stay alive to help the next generation to thrive!” he continued so optimistically.

“No Anka! All must die, you have wasted the opportunity of freedom, if only you had not come here, you would not have felt this suffering, because .. we are part of the class of 12, we are part of the class of 12, no one should live happily when other friends suffer, one happy, all happy, one sick, all sick, that is social creature.” Loze insisted on his goal.

”You're all crazy! You guys are crazy!“ tease Wisty hard.

All my friends fell silent on the contemplation, beginning to be incited by Loze's words that sounded true and convincing. More than that, I was also incited.

”Born with a weak soul, no one understands it, and we must give an example, that we can understand it.“ Loze kept on instigating and it felt like it worked.

”STUPID! THIS IS NOT HOW IT IS!“ Wisty began to rebel, because indeed this was wrong.

”That's enough! You're wrong, I'll stop you! Whatever excuse you use, crime is still wrong!“ anka said by stepping closer to Loze.

Anka, who was standing to my right, slowly, courageously and surely recklessly, stepped her foot on Loze, as if, my friend was approaching her death.

”I am not evil, because punishing would-be criminals is not evil, and solidarity is important,“ argued Loze.

Anka continued to step regardless of the gun that was now pointed at her.

“Good is always humbled, love is always underestimated, then with evil, the real hero will appear, but you do not understand my purpose...”

“ANKAAAAA ..!” I shouted his name, because I wasn't ready to see him dead. Even with my friends shouting his name.

But what is my day that can do nothing, if I go forward, I can be killed. Killed vain. And if I run away, I could still die, my goal, it wants to die, but, doubt blocks me. This time I became confused, between fear, and despair, and closed my mind. And my breath began to rise and fall impulsively. Gasps.

So now, the atmosphere is much more tense.

“Insiden, right? You came here because you wanted to meet your friends? They're just passing friends, Laisa, we're just passing friends, friends at school are worthless, because we're going to live each one.” Loze again hurled his incitement, which the more heard the more truth there was.

I was just stifled to look at Loze and listen carefully. Even I held back tears, tears of sadness because my little friend was gone, and moreover, because Master Sukada once said, people who are depressed, do not deserve to be denied! It is not worth talking to, a depressed person, only needs to be listened to, and when given a solution enough something calms him down and not cornered him.

Then I bowed down, bowed in confusion, bowed down because I was consumed by his incitement.

But now, I, so devastated now, my parents, who had always spoiled me, were gone, and Anka, my best friend, also went, me, completely confused.

"Laisa .. close your eyes, close your ears tightly, today all will be set free" Loze said seriously.

I did not refute it, I was resigned, I reflexively closed my eyes, at once, I held my hand to my cheek, tried as hard as possible to make my eardrum not catch any vibration of sound and remained bowed.

A few seconds later, the sound of a firearm bursting, it was still able to penetrate into my hand until it was caught by my eardrum. Not once, but twice, the sound of a firearm caught my eardrum, until it arrived in the third gun explosion and it was the last shot.

"All right, it's done, Laisa," Loze said.

Slowly, I began to lower my hands back, not forgetting, my eyelids began to be exposed, only I was still bowed down with grief.

And when the eyelids were exposed, from the upper left corner of my eyes, Tozka was lying lifeless, and then in the right corner of my eyes, I found Cludy was lying lifeless.

However, when I looked to the right, from the right corner of my eyes, I found Wisty, lying lifeless, she was in the back of my right shoulder, it seemed, she had tried to escape, too, but unfortunately he failed.

He was a fool, he shouldn't have come here, if he was still intending to live. Or maybe, his intention was to make Loze aware, even though it failed.

And the atmosphere was silent for a moment, silent for a while, the wind softened, until my whole body felt feverish. Before the end, the silence was broken by the words of Loze.

“And if they had not come, they and you would have lived to tell my story to the next generation, but, dear, they could not have awakened me, they even gave me a chance to escort them to death,” Loze cetus.

In a downcast state, suddenly, I asked to confirm his feelings, “Loze .. have you felt independence?”

“I .. I don't know what independence you mean, but, for me, I haven't felt it, except, freedom, I've felt it,” Loze replied casually.

”Then, let's achieve that independence together, stay alive.“ I tried to give Loze some despair even though I lost my hope.

“No, I have a more valuable goal, Laisa, my goal, is to be an example for the next generation,” Loze replied.

“I still don't understand why it has to be like this?” I still bow down to the bitterness.

“Kan already I say, to be a bad example of the people of the city of Artana, and a bad example for the next generation, incidents, that is the point ..”.

“... one more thing, in order for the hero to appear, we must be the villain, because with the evil of heroism will appear, so let me bear it ...”

When Loze hadn't finished the conversation, I started to raise my face back and look at Loze's face. I looked at it with a flat face, but my heart bore the feeling of pain. Who had wanted to resuscitate Loze, but I was the one who had fallen, even more I felt much more stupid than before.

“... remember, my actions should not be imitated, Laisa, I came here, not because I want to kill you, I came just wanted to tell, that some of our friends' autobiographies have been completed, yes, although only a few pages, but if combined will be a book, and please, give it a name, with the title of the book, Autobiography Alumni Antimatteri.”

“... and for the book whose history was changed, Guru Sukada has already burned it.”

I just nodded slowly. And my hands shudder in horror.

“... Laisa, no one's a villain and no one's a hero, because we need each other. And don't think, I don't know your life just yet. You're always underestimated, you're always considered a child who annoys his parents, you're always being bullied by your friends because you're stupid, you're so stupid, stupid people are sometimes always shunned by people who feel they are smart .. yes, I know why you always want to be lazy to go to school, traumatic to people who fear to demean you, I know why you always want to be lazy to go to school,” Further Loze.

”But Laisa .. be strong you survive, tell the next generation, that their upperclassmen, have exemplified, what is a thinking error, I let you live so that you would tell this suffering to the next classmate, that, victory and freedom will always be achieved through suffering, if they do not understand what suffering is, then tell me my folly, he said, tell them about your pain, then let them understand it, according to the maturity of their souls, and remember, what I did was wrong, disappointed in my family, disappointed in this city and hoping, all humans are disappointed in me...“

”... Laisa, as your friend, I am proud to be led by a girl like you,“ Azopa concluded with a peaceful smile.

Then that 'DOOOR' was Loze's gun firearm explosion, he, killed himself, and collapsed, lying on the floor. Until I realized, all these events felt like my heart wanted to be dislodged. I don't even feel like I'm breathing. I was so shocked at the end of it all.

“I ... I came just wanted to say, that .... I have believed in you, believe in your apologies. I'm sorry, can't understand your life problems, I'm sorry, can't help you guys, I'm sorry, because I'm stupid, and I'm not strong enough to live,” I say to the wind and hope their souls hear me.

I have not gained my independence, I have failed, my hard work has always been betrayed by results. I am a fool, and a fool like me deserves to die, yes, I want to die, all dreams, all the spirit of life, an optimistic attitude, feels nonsense. In the end, the feeling of pain and disappointment, still felt.

I hope, and wish I die soon.