High School Autobiography (Hero Generation)
CHAPTER 27: PSYCHOANALYSIS IS FIRST.
'KRING-KRING'.
When I got home, I leaned my bike against the garage wall, then went into the house, my feet kept going until I got to the middle room, so I put my big bag on the long sofa, with me who sat beside my bag.
“AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH. ..!” I screamed out again the turmoil of my depressed emotions, and indeed said Guru Sukada shouted while mentally under pressure could relax a little tension of mind.
I gave up on school at Lily Kasih High School, the burden of life at that school was the cause, the burden of life that was too heavy and the problems that to me were very unreasonable. Given that I don't like being restrained, don't like being ordered, don't want any intervention, don't want any interruptions, don't want any interdiction. Whatever it is, I always have to get the perfect one.
And for my ideals to be a football referee, still I go, will not fade just a stupid problem today.
I sat on the couch, looking forward to the emptiness, my mind was struggling with the reality of life I now accept, first, all my pride in happiness I have achieved, it was a big mistake, second, my husband would never be perfect again, and most painful of all my atelophobia was coming back, right, I started to think that my life was not perfect anymore.
“Errrrggggghhhhh ...” I bit until my jaw hardened and my hand clenched my fingers so tightly.
Damn it, it was really anxious to realize that my life was not perfect now.
All forms of imperfection are intolerable, the world demands perfection, humans love perfection, all beings will be happy when perfect, all defects will be spit on, all imperfect things will be shunned, all imperfect will be shunned, everything that is not perfect will be insulted and maki scorn, everything must be perfect, absolutely must be perfect! Imperfection is a sin!
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHH ... FUCKIN' ASS! FUCKIN' MIND!” I thrashed until my fingers grabbed my hair.
“Eeeeeerrrrrgggghhhh ..” I bent my knee face tightly, strong enough that my nails caused pain in my knees.
“Infection cannot be tolerated.”
“Infection cannot be tolerated.”
The sentence continued to overshadow my mind, always and always haunting me, as if imperfection was a grave sin.
I always think, about imperfections that make people hate each other, human physical if not perfect will always be considered contemptible, human reason if not perfect must always make him restless, human performance when not perfect must always be a material ridicule, and all imperfect results must always be shunned by humans, more than that, humans will hate imperfections, and to me imperfection is such an artistic mockery to the doer.
“AAARGH!” I shouted with one breath.
Then I sat back on the sofa, not forgetting that my fingers were brushing my hair violently, my saliva was heavy, my breath was heaving, my hands were trembling like tremors, my teeth were biting, and my eyeballs were pointed forward at the void.
Slowly but surely, I tried to calm down, I had to calm down, recollect Master Sukada's message, that all emotional burdens must be faced with peace of mind, and positive thoughts, this was not very successful, indeed, because my stupid attitude is the dominant one to make me more relaxed.
The problems of life, and the problems of life, that is the strong factor of imperfection thoughts cropping up in my mind. Right, I'm sure of that.
Indeed, I stubborn not to go to a psychiatrist, I never even take anti-depressant drugs that have been given a psychiatrist.
Lazy also to act today, my feelings are bad, as a result, sleeping on this sofa is the most beautiful way to fulfill my lustful desires.
I lay to the right side of this sofa, resting my head on the arm of a chair, crossing my arms, and enjoying the silence that surrounded the atmosphere of this house, my eyes closed, he said, then I got into a sleeping situation.
Dark, serene and empty, those three things that I experienced in my sleep, permeating it without regard to the time loop, sleeping so deep, that I felt lost, vanished unaware of anything.
All this unconsciousness then changes to the feeling where the heartbeat is the first thing I think, while the breath is a sign that I am still alive, until it comes to my eyelids that have opened, he said, my blue eyes peeked unintentionally at the surroundings, then blurryly the silhouette of a human sitting cross-legged on the carpet, managed to catch my blue eyes, he said, but thanks to the conscious still attached to me who was asleep, resulting in indifference to the silhouette, it had become a breeze then alone, before finally, my eyelids opened rather heavily, but thanks to a few strokes, my eyelids were perfectly exposed, the silhouette managed to turn into a charismatic young man.
“Kak Farka,” said I mentioned the name of the human who was sitting cross-legged in front of me.
My soul is still a little short, only, thanks to the presence of Kak Farka who suddenly like an accomplished robber, made myself immediately rise to sit down, of course I was a bit annoyed to realize the presence of Kak Farka who would casually enter the house without permission.
I yawned, and scratched my back from the itch, then I rubbed my eyes with the sleeves of my school shirt, then my blurry vision disappeared instantly, then sat back on the sofa, then sat back on the couch, but my eyes were fixed on the ceiling of my house.
“Very disrespectful ya.” I insinuate sassy attitude Kak Farka loudly.
Kak Farka's appearance remains neat in a formal suit, her hair is still misty, and her perfume-typical fragrance is getting into my nose.
“First, brother apologizes for being presumptuous, second, as a form of apology, brother will help whatever you ask today,” said Kak Farka.
“Yes, get out of my life right now,” my ketus by crossing.
“Laisa, Guru Sukada told me that you must be accompanied, your mental health must be monitored,” said Kak Farka.
“OMONG BLANK!” jolt me until I have to sit up straight and glare at Brother Farka.
After I recited the words of Brother Farka, I sat firmly with my eyes open and my hands were still crossed.
“So I never asked, what is your purpose for school, what is your dream, and now, I want to ask again, is your autobiography completed?” asked Farka casually.
I leaned in, this man could not have left if I had not answered his question, so I pointed my face at Kak Farka's face, looking at him with a face that did not care.
“If I have finished it, will you leave?” tanyaku seriously.
“Why should I go? Don't you want to join brother?” reply Brother Farka.
“Ha? Join a person of high hallucination? Where would I want to join a madman like big brother,” I said with an intense look so he knew I was fed up with everything.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
“HE YOUNG MAN!” suddenly Brother Farka jerked me and his face was so serious.
My eyebrows were raised up, because I was shocked.
“WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR RELIGIOUS HISTORY WAS DEFLECTED? WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF THE HISTORY OF YOUR COUNTRY WAS DEFLECTED? AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF THE ORIGINAL HISTORY OF THE WORLD WAS MANIPULATED BY CRIMINALS?” kak Farka's loud voice was so firm and steady that even my soul was shaken by it, only, my perception that Kak Farka was crazy, creating a prestige to join Kak Farka, the, I don't know what to join for.
“You know why the context of SMA's autobiography is history? And you wantonly make fun of crazy brother,”, said Kak Farka.
“Now try to think, if history has been deflected, religious people can be divided, a small example, if the people of the city of Artana this deflects the history of the mayor, what will happen? In addition to our mayors being slandered by false history, the people will certainly be divided, one side siding with history which is 'A' one side siding with history which is 'B' and both groups felt her most righteous self ..”
”... Kak Farka's friends really like to read the stories of the heroes of the country, and when you ask 'why read the stories of the heroes of the country until repeated?' And at his leisure, a brother's friend named Fihan said, 'so that I do not forget the important history of the heroes of the nation, for if I have forgotten the history of the founders of the country, I will not forget, fear there are nosy hands that can make slander, then distort history', ..“
“But it is still too high, the impression is like imagining so high, Azopa even prefers to read the stories of the heroes rather than write his life,”.
“First, the topic you are talking about is not an option, right now, defend your father or defend your mother? Loved or loved?” beber Brother Farka.
I silently looked at his words.
“How confused, it's both a must, the greatest benefit that we must take, first, we read the history of the heroes so that we can take a pencil from that history, he said, then do all the good of that history, and if necessary make history better than the history of our ancestors, become criminals more evil than the ancients, or being a hero who is greater than the previous people, well, that's what we call mental formation,” said Kak Farka.
“I want to be a normal human being dizzy with all that,” lamented.
Brother Farka suddenly laughed.
“Hahahaha ..”
And it was the first time I saw Farka's sister laughing, to the point that I looked at her unblinkingly, I thought Farka was a rare human being who didn't know how to laugh, but thank God, she was still healthy, I thought, it is a loss if in this world I live with a human whose life reigns continuously.
“You must not be lazy like me, at least, do not lose to the elephant that leaves ivory, produce a work, yes at least, you contribute in helping people who are making a work.”
“Complicated, complicated, I don't like the things to think about the most, a murderer leaves behind a work of art, called the art of killing,” I argue.
“Works containing crimes are abandoned ...,” Kak Farka error.
”... okay, if it's too complicated, we make it simple .. why would you write an autobiography?“ continued.
”Hmmmm .. I have a perfect life story, a life that no one else has,“ I speak very confidently.
“HAHAHAHAHAHA ..”
“He, why laugh? I'm not joking?” my reproach.
“You are so confident ...,” Kak Farka quipped.
“... okay-okay no problem, everyone has the assumption, yes already, then you want to combine?” continued.
“Join?” ulaku.
“Join for the sake of school projects, Guru Sukada did this research to find out which is the best history of Lily Kasih High School students, then read the stories to the later underclassmen, and to the people of the city of Artana, so that who knows, their souls are touched, then the case of suicide can be reduced, he said, which later this study also aims to find out what reasons are formed in students to be willing to commit suicide, or at least know the ins and outs of their criminal acts.”
“Pronounced how? But in the book is his fantasy? What about criminal activity?”
“The imaginary writing does not actually exist, it is clear that the autobiography must be a true story, because, it is only a test, whether we can act honestly or not, until the older generation failed because it gave a delusion to his autobiographical book, which means brother is not honest, however, there is still nothing in vain in this world, everything remains the research material of the teacher and will be read to the next class, like your class at that time, and books that have criminal acts are of course only stored in the library, he said, only a good autobiography that we take, that is, that does not conflict with the law, both the law of Religion and the law of the country, then published, well the people of this city will read it, that's all, simple.”
“That means, if my book is written honestly will be published in this city?”
“Yes, to mentally shape, like history books, so live honestly and passionately so that your autobiography becomes the best history.”
“Means I got money dong?”
“No, besides honesty, sincerity is also important, because again, our goal is to help.”
I muttered while digesting the entire statement of Kak Farka, until I was not aware I had been carried away by the flow of speech.
”Actually, your life problem is not unreasonable, nor beyond logic, it's just that you just don't understand about the problem system it is formed, and don't know how to solve it, the reality that you assume is what your eyes always see, even though in this world there are still many realities that you have never seen, even that sounds like a fairy tale.“
”Wait, what's your classmate with Kak Fihan?“ my usut.
”Iya,“ replied Kak Farka briefly.
”I just knew.“
”Kan brother already said that brother has made a book first, you do not read ya?“
”No, lazy ahk.“
After that silence ensued, and this silence was broken by the voice of Kak Farka who was full of enthusiasm.
”Laisa! Excite yourself to go back to school at Lily Kasih High School, because you will be an important part of the history of this city, show our underclassmen later, that life is very valuable, comparable to your perfect life!“
"Be excited because you deserve to be happy!"
A sentence that suddenly aroused my interest, but I was only interested in her autobiography, not back to school at Lily Kasih High School.
You are the quiet soul of Laisa
Then touched by reality
You were formed by Laisa's destiny
Then go fulfill your destiny
Go as far as nature stretches
But you're still in reality
When I call your name
So come back with a destiny that has been fulfilled
