Festive Collection

EPS 93'S. END REGRETS

The red color glows on the eastern horizon, as the cool breeze blows. Small mangroves begin to show their buds. The pounding of the waves anchored amidst the splashing sound of water flow. The distinctive aroma of salt spreads along with the back and forth of the urmang as well as the small crab population. A little cloudy coloring today.

I heard the chirping of unpretentious birds, forming a secret circle of the morning nature that I still did not understand its meaning. Everything seems to be taking turns greeting me. I stood pecking for a few minutes on top of a pile of coral trash lying in such a way like a big but big cone. The remains of ancient humans who have lived settled on the beach that kjodkmiker. Father's words are always in my ears. The father who was only a graduate of aliyah madrasah always divided his knowledge rhyme. Never a bit of science.

I continued to step towards a large piece of coral that jutted on the beach. The pain of stepping on a splinter of coral is common to me.

I immediately sat down among some large chunks of coral. The thought of childhood came back to my mind. The shadow of a happy little family flashed without the need for command.

“Ahh if only”, murmured me. Reflexively I wish for a time-changing master and how eager I am to return in the shade of family warmth— leaving behind all the frenzied fatigue that is currently wrapped neatly in the heart. For a moment I realized that everything was no longer the same. The departure of my father a few years ago requires me to work hard and fight for my fate. My grandmother and mother are always in my development. I have a little sister. We grew up on Gili Madura Beach. Just a few meters away, there was a small, simple hut where I would scoop in the rain and pull over in the heat, leaning on the shoulders of the family. Simple poor family.

My father was a sailor. He spent most of his time at sea. Sometimes I wanted to love a father, but I learned to understand that my father had to work hard. My father was very sociable, so liked by many people. His thick eyebrows combined with his eagle eyes became a special attraction for everyone who saw. Her body was firm with big hands giving me a sense of comfort. I have learned so much from my father. One thing that is very effective and still imprinted in memory is my experience of going sailing with my father. I was about seven years old. Dad took me out on a sail. A typical fishing boat stretches its wings, the roar of the engine regulates its speed, slowly departing from the shoreline. I feel an unbearable pleasure. But in a change of atmosphere, the arrival of the big waves in a row made me tremble violently, my whole body felt weak. My stomach feels torn. I was scared and my lips were cupped. Dad saw me in a pale state.

“Daddy what if the boat is upside down? that wave and the wind. I'm afraid dad.” At that moment there was concern in my father. “My son, do not let fear defeat your courage Son, calm down Son.The waves will soon stop..” Father drugged me with spirit pills and slowly recovered my courage. I chose not to continue the journey. But my spirit is not slack. As a result, my father and I were able to sail the ocean. Father said, that the key to the success of sailors is the ability to understand nature. “Understand nature! the stars and the wind are weapons for everyone who wants to sail the seas, the stars are a mystery while the wind is a harbinger of your fortune, you can understand it. Remember that! when you sail strengthen your heart, trust and be patient.” sweet memories. Inability to make my father choose to sail by chartering people's boats. The results he got had to be split in two. So sliced. However, fathers are very good at turning the income cycle even though it is only enough for the needs of everyday life. Reflecting on the state of my family's economy, I became increasingly determined to be a successful person.

A small swing beside the house was seen from a distance, swaying swaying in the wind. The sun started to rise.

“Asror..., hurry back, deliver this pepes of fish to the market!”

A special hoarse motherly voice called me from ignorance, I got up from the beach and rushed to pick up the pepes of fish that had been prepared by my mother. I have to move fast. Steady bike ontelku to Pasar Senewen. The pepes fish that will be sold I leave it to Mak Leha. I rushed home.

Arriving at home, I helped to include my mother's needs. Soon I have to go sell fried food. Anything I can do to help as much as I can. My sister is too small to do it. I don't want to be a burden to my mother. I put some fried food in a small plastic, sling cloth tied to mom's shoulder. A sincere smile rose from his face. The morning always brings excitement. With bismillah and prayer bringing home much sustenance, my mother set out.

Scroll through my old box clock, in 15 minutes I have to get to school. I say goodbye to grandma. As fast as lightning I was wearing my school uniform. Appearance is not a must for me. My place demanded knowledge far enough, the winding road I had to take. I continued pedaling regardless of the conditions around me. My passion for not being late is growing. The loud sound of the horn made me unfocused, almost my bike slid into the Santex river. Lucky I wasn't late. Eight hours passed with fun. Two more days there will be a marathon exam for 12th grade High School. The final exam I need to take.

After school, I worked as a pelvic floor in a bus station near my house. In the afternoon, I helped the fishermen sell the fish. After that, I spent my time with the majid on the beach writing down all the wishful thinking in a bottle and throwing it when the sun sank. I want to be a successful fishmonger. Simple sentences with thousands of expectations.

Arriving home I was shocked when I saw my mother lying weakly helpless. His face looks pale. My mouth was shut for a moment. My mother's forehead is cold. Without a second thought I immediately carried my mother to the village clinic. The limitations of the equipment required my mother to be admitted to RSUD.

My mother had white blood cancer. The doctor advised my mother to have the surgery immediately. Maximum two weeks from today. Operating costs are quite expensive. Maybe the pain my mother suffered was caused by the hard work of my mother, I guessed.

I was confused looking for the cost of my mother's operation. My grandmother's savings are not much. As the firstborn, I felt responsible for everything. I racked my brain thinking about it. In two days I will take the school exam. I had to study and earn money for my mother. Should my dream end with this?

I was looking for a loan to a neighbor, but nothing I got. I'm not giving up. I'm getting more and more active at work. The wages I get are still not enough. The condition of grandmother and sister is not possible to make money.

I gave it my hard effort. Tomorrow I have to take the school exam. I split my time evenly. Thank God, I was able to pass the school exam until the end.

Mother's condition is becoming more critical. Today the doctor advised the mother for surgery. Being late would be fatal. My mind is in a state of confusion, I can't think clearly. I followed my friend's advice to work as a drug courier. Demonic incitement has penetrated into the soul. Even though I was young - I dared to take heavy risks. That day I signed up as a drug courier. I've been inside a black hole. A dirty and dirty job.

A methamphetamine of 2 kg was my first job. I drove him to a drug dealer. Guilt always looms over me. The money I got was piled up. Unhappy money.

Soon I pay off my operating expenses. I can't imagine what's coming next. Looking at my mother's religious background, I felt scared. My mother's position is very strong. Everything that goes against religion will be straightened out. No matter if you have to slice and sing the feeling.

My mother improved after the operation. When I realized, my mother immediately asked me about the cost of surgery. “I earn it from hard work every day.”. I said without seeing the look in my mother's eyes, it would be very easy for my mother to guess I was lying. Mother hugged me with haru while my sister smiled in relief. Everything is dissolved in happiness.

A few days later..

along with the graduation day, my mother's condition recovered completely, me and majid graduated. The sky is unfriendly to the heart of every happy person. My dream of becoming a successful fishmonger is getting more and more devastating.

At that moment my happiness was gone. Bad news emerged from a small radio owned by Grandma, the chairman of the drug dealer and my boss was caught by the police while doing a drug transaction. Satlantas Narcotics' intel team is very observant. All those involved will be arrested soon. Removed my happiness. Without waiting for long, Majid came to visit home. Majid is the only one who knows who I really am. Without me realizing all my conversations with Majid were heard by mother. Mom immediately screamed hysterically A series of bomb blasts exploded from mom's mouth.

“Why are you doing everything, son? didn't you teach you religion. It's an illegal job, money flowing in my mother's blood right now..for what science you have son.., what a heart and savage you..”.

I tried to explain to Mom. Mom looked at me wrong. Intention of helping mom be a disaster for me. All my dreams ended that day. My future is on the horns.

Mom took me to the nearest police station without negotiating first. He himself put me in prison. Drug dealers should be arrested, mother said. I have to go to jail for 1 year. During my time in prison, my mother never saw me.

All my hard work is in vain. I don't appreciate my sacrifice. A sense of vengeance on the mother thrives in the heart. I turned 180, the obedient and kind Asror has now turned brutal. The feeling of boredom in prison led me to a bad change.

1 Year passed

My mother welcomed me in kindly. But, I responded with a stark answer. Evening the mouth happened. I don't know what demon got into my head, I killed my own mother. I put a knife in my mother's body. Mother's pulse stopped. Followed by the outflow of blood that digs fast. My grandmother and sister were hysterically screaming. The villagers came. I laughed happily. My mother's memories flashed, and the moment I realized, I had sinned. I cried roaring. My mother is gone and my own hands killed her.

I felt the bitterness of prison life again. Regret makes me want to change. All the rehab programs I've been on, but, my soul keeps shaking. Kiai Mukin, the prison speaker, advised me to change. I slowly returned to doing my duty to God. And my mind was opened when Kia came to explain the verse, of God being forgiving when his servant was sincerely repentant. My spirit is back. I am back to religion.

Free from prison, I immediately apologized to my grandmother and my sister. I admit all my mistakes and promise to change. They forgive me. I went on a pilgrimage to my mother's grave and prayed for her. I will never hear an apology from my mother. Let God know everything.

Since that day I have made peace with life. God's destiny brought me to a noble work.