Demians

CHAPTER 21 - Shock Therapy

I looked at the tool I was holding at the moment, the positive mark printed on the device instantly made my world crumble again for the umpteenth time. I did another test with a few different tools because I still couldn't believe the truth. I sat down and watched all the tools show the same results.

I slowly took out the HP I placed next to the glass that held my morning urine, then opened a monthly calendar that recorded my entire menstrual cycle. It turns out to be true, the date on which I did so coincided with the peak of my fertile period. After my meeting with Devan at the mall, the night I got my first day's period and ended the night before my departure for Solo. Based on the calculations, I got a fertile period a week after my last day's period, which was right when I experienced the incident. I could no longer dodge the reality that took me by storm.

How stupid of me, why did I not think of this after the incident? At least I can anticipate it before something like this happens. I grieve my folly that is only dissolved in sorrow and do not think far about the impact of the incident.

After all, the rice has become a porridge. I have to learn to accept his presence in me. There was no way I could eliminate him just because of my ambition to start a new life. Eliminating him, after all, means I took half my own life. I don't want to be ready to accept the consequences.

Slowly I gently rub my flat stomach, “mama will protect you dear.mama will never hate your presence. Even if you are present by mistake, believe me that you are present because of the proof of love mama and papa” I said tearfully as I rubbed my stomach, greeting her for the first time.

I strengthened myself to not be as weak as before. I remembered my promise with Luna that I would not cry over anything related to that incident. There are no more tears of regret that I can shed. Over the past month, I've started to reorganize my life for what it was.

A month after that incident, I felt a strange feeling in me, where my body suddenly felt more sensitive and my appetite increased. I want to keep thinking positively if I'm okay, but I can't when I find out if I'm late for my monthly cycle for two weeks and I start feeling morning sickness symptoms. I ended up doing the test to prove all my suspicions wrong, but it turned out that fate said something else. I have the fruit of my love for Bian.

After calming down, I immediately prepared to go to the hospital to check my womb. I contacted Luna to keep the cake shop for as long as I left. At first Luna was curious and urged me to tell her where I was going, but I managed to convince her that I was not going to do anything that would harm me. I understand Luna was worried about me ever since I told her everything.

I drove the car to a special hospital mother and child located close to the apartment. After arriving, I immediately registered and waited for the examination queue. I wish I could get a female doctor. I happened to see the schedule of the only female obstetrician this morning. I got the last line because I didn't know the doctor's schedule here.

While waiting, I walked around the hospital. It just so happened that I passed through the newborn baby care ward. Unknowingly I was holding my stomach. Long enough I stood in front of the room separated by transparent glass until I realized I had to go back to the outpatient ward to wait for a queue call. Not long after I arrived, my name was called and a nurse greeted me for a preliminary examination. After that, I was led to the doctor's office.

“siang doc...” my broom when entering his room which is almost entering the time of dzuhur, “siang too..” he replied with a smile looking at me.

We shook hands and introduced ourselves. The first impression when meeting with doctor Gina is friendly, I am grateful that she is still quite young, maybe about 35 years old.

“so Bu Demi...” says doctor Gina, “ada what complaints?” tanyanya gently.

I immediately explained my complaint that I felt lately and did not forget to tell me the test I did before coming to the hospital. Doctor Gina occasionally nodded while writing something on her paper.

“well then Miss Demi please lie down to know more details” said doctor Gina. I followed the nurse who became Gina's assistant doctor to lie on the bed.

My tears were shed during the examination. Doctor Gina said that my gestational age is 6 weeks and I may be pregnant with twins because Gina's doctor saw two white spots in my uterus, although one still looks faint. For more details, I have to check back next month.

Dr. Gina gave me an explanation of the activities and consumption that are allowed and prohibited during the early trimester of pregnancy and what I might feel during the early stages of pregnancy. Doctor Gina also advised me to consume pregnancy milk in order to reduce nausea. I'm also very honest about what happened to me. Doctor Gina is trying to understand my condition and give me a boost. I was forbidden to think about my problems too heavy because it could have an impact on my gynecological condition.

After being satisfied to consult with Gina's doctor and ask for her contact so that I could ask at any time, I walked out of her room and walked towards the pharmacy section to make up for the medicine that Gina's doctor had prescribed.

While waiting for the queue, I looked back at my first ultrasound photo with a sad look. Mama confused dear...do you need to be informed of your presence? ask me who monologues in my heart.

Mama is afraid that papa can not accept you, especially after the last word mama to your papa. Surely now your papa hates my mother, I continued in my heart while wiping away the tears that began to flow on my cheeks.

I looked at the people around me who were also waiting for the call to redeem the medicine. Some of them are couples who check their pregnancy. The husband gently rubbed his wife's stomach while laughing happily. I was overwhelmed with envy because I had to experience this under different conditions. I want to tell Luna, Tisha, and KKN friends including Bian about my condition. But I'm ashamed, especially I can't imagine how my mother, papa, even eyed reaction when I found out I had made a family disgrace with my pregnancy out of wedlock.

Unknowingly I hold my ultrasound photo tightly, as if afraid of being taken by others. “you must help mama to be strong and tough huh…we face everything together” muttered I then kissed the photo long ago.

After redeeming the medicine, I rushed out of the hospital and immediately moved towards the cake shop. I don't want Luna to put any suspicion on me that's permission for too long.

*****

My condition worsened after learning of my pregnancy. My morning sickness symptoms are getting worse. I had to be willing to come to the cake shop during the day because the nausea just stopped if it had entered at 10 am. So afraid, I had to contact Dr. Gina by phone to tell her the complaints I was experiencing.

Dr. Gina said it was natural to remember that everyone's pregnancy is different. Excessive morning sickness can be caused by me carrying twins. I have to keep forcing breakfast so I can at least get a little nutritional intake. Fortunately, my nausea only happened in the morning. Instead, I can have lunch twice the usual portion to replace the breakfast rations that are always wasted.

I'm grateful that Luna didn't ask any more questions about my recently changed habits. I hope he doesn't notice my slow change.

*****

H-week before Ines and Devan's wedding, I contacted Aunt Asna as a fashion designer for Ines and Devan's wedding. I want to do the last fitting of the bridesmaid dress first so as not to meet with others, especially Bian. I'm really not ready to meet them again. I'd better meet you back at the wedding.

“assalamualaikum aunt” sapaku when entering his study.

“waalaikumsalam” replied and then saw me, “eh you have reached Dem..lantam try aja dress, who knows if there is a need to be remodeled again” he continued.

I saw Ines and Devan's dresses and suits, bridesmaids' clothes, and some other dresses and suits belonging to the Ines and Devan families. My eyes did not blink looking at the row of dresses and suits as the wedding attribute of Ines and Devan hanging neatly around the room Aunt Asna.

Accompanied by Aunt Asna, I began to try on the dress. Actually I was a little uncomfortable with the view of Aunt Asna to me who seemed to judge me. Fortunately, my body changes did not affect the dress I wore. The dress is very tight on my body.

“already comfortable yet in you? Is there anything less?” ask Aunt Asna while twisting myself so that I can be seen by Aunt Asna as a whole.

“alhamdulillah already fit tan..” replied I was satisfied while pecking myself in front of the mirror.

I took off the dress again helped by Aunt Asna. When Aunt Asna's position behind me to lower the zipper of the dress, suddenly my heart seemed to stop beating hearing the sound of her whispering in my ear.

“how old are you?”

*****

I slowly drank the green tea given by Aunt Asna's assistant. My hands trembled slightly as I held the cup from being too shocked by the question posed by Aunt Asna.

“you should not be distressed by the question. Alfi has told all the same aunt about the calamity that befell you” said Aunt Asna who tried to calm me.

“aura your pregnancy emanated clearly even though you tried to cover it up. Aunty instinct as a mother can immediately feel if you are different” he explained, “so...how many weeks?” tanyanya back.

“now enter 7 weeks aunt” I replied slowly, “I beg aunt do not tell anyone yes.tante was the first to know my condition. Mama is equally papa does not even know it” my door with pleading gaze.

“tante promise to shut up..but want to until when will you cover it? Your stomach will be increasingly bulging in the future” I was silent to hear the question Aunt Asna.

“there will come a time when I will tell everything about my condition, but for now I am still not ready if I have to tell others.

Finally after talking long enough about my pregnancy with Aunt Asna, I decided to go home. My dress will be delivered directly to the villa at Puncak because H-1 wedding I will stay at the villa with Ines and Jihan.

On the way home to Jakarta, I thought back to Aunt Asna who could feel the aura of my pregnancy. Can my mom feel it too? My mom is also a mother. Maybe his instincts are stronger because I'm his biological son, maybe even able to feel it when I make phone calls or videos. I was not ready to see the look on my mother's disappointed face because of my current condition. Maybe in the future I have to communicate with my mother via chat so that my mother will not be suspicious of my changes that can be known from the voice or facial expressions.

*****

It turns out that the plan is a plan. I just arrived at the apartment unaware that there was anyone in my apartment. When I opened the apartment door and went inside, I got shock therapy for the second time.

On the sofa in front of the TV, Luna and Tisha sat waiting for me. They did get a free entry into my private area. The thing that made me tick was that my stock of pregnant milk and vitamin boosters were strewn on the table.

“eh...k-you guys..when came?? How did you not find out first?” many nervous.

“mbak can clear this all?” tisha tanya sharp.

I was silent, confused, and afraid of how to explain it. I can only bow my head.

“ANSWER MBAK!!” it was the sight that surprised me. I fought with him a lot, but he's never yelled at me like this before.

“mbak apologies dek...” I said kneel before him, “actually this is also not the desire mbak...mbak will story all the same you”

I recounted my holiday trip in Tegal that ended tragically due to the heartbreaking incident and was candid about my pregnancy to Tisha and Luna.

“mbak...maafin me who has snapped mbak” tirih Tisha who is covered in tears while hugging me, “aku gatau if it turns out when I return to Jakarta, mbak even experienced the incident…sorry I” he continued which made us cry both.

Luna gave me and Tisha time to vent our emotions. Once satisfied, we immediately took off the hug and calmed down.

“So this is the reason Mbak Demi akir-lately always come noon to the cake shop?” asked Luna who was looking at me a little disappointed because I wasn't being honest with her.

“maafin mbak ya Lun.mbak shy if you have to tell this. Mbak does not want to return to show his life mbak increasingly sad” answered me sniffling.

“Luna must have understood Mbak Demi kok...as I also” reply Tisha who tried to calm me, “trus mama equally papa how?” tisha asked as she remembered our parents.

“mbak fear deck, not ready.fear mama same papa gabisa nerima pregnancy mbak” replied me, “mbak will definitely say the same mama and papa..but engga now” continued me.

Tisha understands me and does not force me to be frank with mom and dad anytime soon. She would even accompany me when I told them about my pregnancy later. Starting today, Tisha will accompany me in the apartment while waiting for her graduation.

...****************...