Demians

CHAPTER 9 - Pain

“mmmhhh Dem...this is where?” ask Bian who is awake.

“Tegal, briefly again out toll..oiya was fitting I saw maps there was the same phone chat several times from Sarah tuh.” my word flat without looking at Bian.

“oh yes? Later the reason out toll stops first only Dem.kan HPnya want me to use first make the phone while changing position again we” said Bian after fully aware then fix his sitting position.

I didn't respond to Bian's words. While still driving, I opened the sling bag I had placed on my left side and took out the HP for me to activate.

“nih if you want to use HP..create maps I use my HP aja” said me while handing over the HP Bian I took from the dashboard.

“eh but maps**nya..” said Bian, “from HP-ku aja...we also gausah exchange position again” I immediately cut Bian's speech.

“but Dem...” Bian stopped his speech when he heard a call notification from HP with the name of someone who became the source of my frustration.

Who is Sarah? Why does Bian add the love icon in his contacts? Is he Bian's girlfriend? Maybe it was because he called Bian a few times. I quietly listened to Bian's conversation on the phone with that someone named Sarah.

“walaikumsalam Sar”

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“iya sorry yes mas not ngabarin you.ini mas is still on the way. I was in Tegal but not yet at his place”

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“iya mas jakain Monday back to home”

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“hahaha yes beautiful..later chat aja want to buy apa”.

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“ck is not that, mas kangen is also like you. But I didn't have time to tell you”

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“iya-iya later will be reported, if you need every 3 hours once”

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“loh mas seriously. If you do not bother to snack, the turn to tell you every 3 hours is also wrong. How about dong?”

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“iya dehh essentially mas will try to quickly reply to your message”

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“you are also careful there, waalaikumsalam. Love you too”

I want to feel like I'm crying right now also hear Bian's conversation that sounds friendly with the woman named Sarah. After 3 years I tried to erase that feeling that ended GATOT aka TOTAL FAILURE, and when I met again I was faced with a very painful fact. Is this the answer to my feelings all along? Indeed, I was determined not to be disappointed when I got the answer to my pent-up feelings, but why when I found out it was so painful?

“Dem you why? How did he get his wheel so fast? Are you sick?” bian asked who was worried about seeing the condition of my hand after finishing his call.

I who was immersed in my mind did not realize if I was holding the wheel of the car too tightly until my hand paled, “oh nothing.I’m good thanks”, I replied briefly.

I knew Bian didn't believe me right away because he still looked at me with a worried look. Bian finally turned his gaze to his HP after making sure I was properly alright.

I immediately focused on the road in front of me and slightly increased the speed of the car so that it could arrive soon. I can't stand having to linger holding back the tears that urge to come out. Bian initially offered to switch positions or take a break, but I ignored him because my chaotic feelings made me unable to interact with Bian at this time.

It used to travel from Tegal City to the village where our KKN takes approximately 1 hour. But since I was driving at a fairly high speed and happened to be a fairly idle road, it took me less than 45 minutes to arrive at my destination.

We were greeted by Mrs Kharimah whom we used to call Ms. Rima. During KKN, Bu Rima voluntarily loaned her house as our residence. We used to think of Bu Rima as a foster mother because all accommodation during KKN from daily food to transportation is provided by him. Currently Bu Rima lives alone with her only child, Mas Bagas who also welcomed me and Bian. Bu Rima's husband died 10 years ago.

“Mbak Demi....how are you??? Dah 5 years did not see Mbak Demi more beautiful aja mbak” greeting Bu Rima with his Legal accent when welcoming me first.

“alhamdulillah I am good bu....Bu Rima how are you??” I said while returning his embrace.

“maybe I was exhausted ma'am.tadi was changing with Bian nyetirnya” I replied while looking at Bian who walked towards me with our suitcase.

I immediately took over my suitcase from her hand when Bian met Miss Rima. Looking at Mas Bagas beside Bu Rima who was staring at me earlier, I just smiled a little while nodding my head to greet him.

“already come Mas Bian and Mbak Demi enter first. Kan tired earlier abis travel far” said Bu Rima while driving me and Bian into the house.

“others where is bu?” I asked when I didn't see Jihan, Alfi, Devan, and Ines.

“oh it..on a walk around the village. He said he wanted nostalgia so” I just nodded my head at Miss Rima's answer. I was immediately escorted by Bu Rima to the room I would occupy with Jihan and Ines, while Bian was escorted by Mas Bagas.

“really Mbak Demi gapapa? If you are tired of why Mbak Demi was driving, not Mas Bian?” Ms. Rima asked again when we entered the room to make sure my face still looks red.

“originally Bian who drove up to half a trip, my trus who continued because yesterday Bian lack of sleep. I gamau take the risk if Bian keep driving until here bu” reply me politely, “but I really gapapa kok. Rest for a while will also be fresh again” continued I assure Bu Rima.

“already then mom stay to the kitchen first to make you drink” said Bu Rima, “mmm ma'am. I want to take a shower and take a break. I made Bian aja gapapa” I prevented Bu Rima who would come out to leave me.

“oh yaudah if so Ma'am Demi directly take a shower in the bathroom that is usually...still remember where is the place? Later let Mas Bian shower in the bathroom in warung” said Bu Rima then out of the room.

After Ms. Rima closed the door from outside, I immediately sat on the bed. I looked around the room I used to occupy with Jihan, still the same as before. I exhaled violently looking at my very chaotic condition at this moment. I felt bad for Miss Rima who was worried about my condition. I know my face must be blushing right now because I am holding back my tears from coming out.

Damn...you are here the intention would be Dem vacation, refreshing, reunion with your friends, do not you spoil this event with a story that is not clear that you, I murmured in my heart.

I sat in silence for 5 minutes to control myself. After feeling calm, I immediately opened the suitcase and took out a change of clothes and toiletries. I saw Jihan and Ines' suitcase located next to her dressing table and personal gear on the table. After removing the items I needed from the suitcase, I rushed out of the room to the bathroom located behind the house. I was silent at the door to hear if Bian was still in his room next to mine. Maybe Bian went to the stall to take a shower because I didn't hear any noise.

I felt the cold water running from head to toe. Less than 10 minutes I cleaned myself because I could not stand the cold water in the house of Bu Rima that flows from Mount Slamet. I also felt the condition of my body suddenly drop after washing the water. Sometimes I hate my body which always drops quickly when I feel messed up or too exhausted. After changing clothes with long-sleeved sweatshirts lined with maroon-colored turtleneck sweaters and long gray training pants, old gray, I wrapped my still wet hair in a towel I wrapped around my head.

After coming out of the bathroom, suddenly someone pulled me from the side of the bathroom.

“you must be sick Dem. I felt like when we got to Tegal, you were suddenly silent. This is your face getting red Dem...we go to the doctor huh?” said someone who turned out to be Bian. I saw a worried and guilty look from his eyes.

“aku gapapa kok Bi...” lirihku while trying to release his grip, “Bi, let me go. I want to rest first” my door with a pleading gaze.

Suddenly I felt my vision twirling slightly from the pain that hit my head all of a sudden. I who felt my legs limp was no longer able to support the weight of my body immediately fell into Bian's embrace. Bian directly carried me and led me to the room. I actually wanted to ask Bu Rima for help, but I'm sure that Bu Rima must be serving customers in her stall with Mas Bagas. Why should Bian be around me? I dropped it because of the stress of thinking about him. I don't think I'd be able to stay close to him for long.

After leaning me on the bed, Bian picked up the bag I was carrying with me with dirty clothes and toiletries, then placed it on top of my suitcase.

“do you want to do?” I was wary as I watched Bian's hand move towards my head.

“I want to get your hair.I bet you feel dizzy right now. If wrapped in a towel continues, the dizziness does not disappear later” he replied as he took off the towel wrapped around my head, then tried to dry my hair.

I kept quiet watching Bian dry my hair. Every now and then I closed my eyes feeling the touch of Bian's hand rubbing my head. Surely he will do the same with his girlfriend Sarah because I feel he is used to it. But wait, what is this? Why did the pain that struck my head suddenly go away when Bian's hand touched my head?

“mmm has Bi. I can continue on my own kok” I keep my head away to stop Bian's activities.

“but this has not dried Dem.later dizzy you the longer the loss” Bian's hand again extended his hand towards my head.

“already gapapa kok me. I haven't prayed, I want to do it again. It was canceled because it touched the same kamu” I said while holding his hand. I got out of bed to get out of the room.

“ayo I inter” said Bian who was preparing to follow me from behind.

“hard, you mending a break in room” I saw the gaze of protest from Bian, but seeing the gaze begging me finally he relented to come out of my room to his room.

I hurriedly returned to the bathroom to pick up my ablution and immediately returned to my room and locked the door so that Bian would not come back to disturb me. I hurried to do the dzuhur prayer and after finishing, I immediately cleaned my toiletries that had been placed by Bian on the suitcase. Not to forget, I took HP from inside the sling bag on top of the suitcase to give word to mama. After making sure there were no signs Bian would return to my room, I immediately unlocked the room for fear that Jihan and Ines could not enter after returning from the outside. After getting on the bed, I immediately opened the thick blanket that had been provided by Bu Rima and immediately broke down.

Collapse has been my defense that I've been holding back all this time. Recalling the previous incident starting from hearing Bian's friendly conversation with a woman who might have a special relationship with Bian and Bian's sweet treatment of me after I finished the bath made my heart tight. Tears are pouring down my face. Why does everything have to happen? I tried so hard to remove him from my mind and heart for 3 years, but why has his sweet treatment of me lately made the feeling that I originally thought was dead come back to life?

“you evil Bian…you can relive this feeling after 3 years of torpor and after that you hurt with the painful reality that you have been with others” I muttered while sobbing softly.

“sick to hear you make out with others in front of me Bi.not this is the answer I want Bi..not this huhuhu” I cry hysterically to vent my emotions.

“more painful when knowing you already have someone turned out to still pay more attention to me. What do you want, Bi? Don't make me feel guilty about that woman for falling asleep with you when you're not with her.

I don't know how long I've been crying. I felt my head throb again and my eyes began to sting because of my crying. I don't care about that, what I want now is that I can happily vent my emotions that I can't hold anymore. I'm grateful that Jihan and Ines haven't returned. I do not care if my eyes will be swollen, which is clear I have to refresh myself so that in the future I can enjoy this reunion event calmly without disturbing my feelings.

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