Can't Have You
Chapter 17's
Hey you! Yes you, you who I met 6 years ago accidentally You are full of stories and cheerful You are full of jokes laughter. You are full of friendly gazes when you look at me You are always calling me softly and carefully. You are full of worries for me. You are the one who contacts me very often. Why is everything different now? Now you rarely tell stories, your face rarely looks cheerful. Now that the gaze was different, the call no longer sounded soft in my ears.
Your worries are still but not as they used to be. You still call me but it's different than it used to be. We used to be able to spend hours.
Grasping the phone when in a different place to Just release longing and eliminate boredom, not infrequently unimportant things even though we discuss only to just let go of longing. Your gaze, I miss that look. Your gaze is the same as the one that hints that you want to always be with me. That look I miss, the gaze in the basement warehouse 1 an apartment where we used to work.
That look, the look that made my face red at that instant. I miss everything about your old self, even though I knew it would never come back the same. I miss you, miss your story. I miss your smile, a smile you rarely give me. I miss that so much to you.
Do you remember the two September two thousand sixteen? We first know and first say hello through the phone and there we dream to go to a tourist spot for a moment of refreshing because it is too saturated with the atmosphere of the village. Do you remember the moment on the bus? You tell a lot of stories along the way, you ask a lot of questions and we share stories. You remember the first time you kissed my cheek on that bus, in the middle of the crowded other passengers you showed me that affection and at that time I was eager to hug you and whisper the word "I love you so much, don't leave me, stay here with me".
Do you remember our first Sunday night? you take me to a tourist spot that is quite crowded, and it turns out we are both equally uncomfortable with the crowd and the crowd that crowded, and we decided to go home but it looks unfriendly weather, he said, the rain brought us home. And it was my first rain with you.
how much do you remember our moment together? Do you remember my birthday? There's no party like them out there, no cake, no candles, no trumpets and flickering pieces of paper falling but I'm happy, because you were next to me that night, with me while congratulating me on my birthday.
You remember how spoiled I was when I leaned on your shoulder? it's because I want to be always near you. You know how I always find excuses to stay around you longer? Do you know why I remember all this? It's all because you were the first to do it for me when I was still bitterly shadowed by his past, you came and made me think. Why am I still haunted by the past while you are in front of me with a million joys you gave me. So I can forget my past.?
But baby, now you have changed. So changed, what's wrong with you? Wh why? Does anyone now fill your heart and replace me? Am I aware of all my mistakes, is that what got you this way? If an apology is not enough to heal your wounds because of my mistakes then what do I need to do to forgive myself ?
I know we won't be able to go back to what we used to be, but I'm just asking to keep warm for me. Let's say if there is someone who replaces me to be next to you or who is ready to accompany you. It would be very painful if that happened, but what my power is. What can I do, though,
There's no way I'm gonna keep you in your heart not with me but for someone else. This love will remain for you, until whenever it is what you need to know.
Want it to repeat our past, a time where almost every morning he always sits in front of me with enthusiastic eyes and starts the conversation with a typical opening sentence “lu know ga sag kampret?” (campret was calling him to me). And you know what's always been said that he's been putting out those words? ‘mimpi’. That's what is always told and I faithfully listen and laugh if I think it's funny, the dream I mean is not a dream in the sense of desire in the future, you know, but the dreams that come when we sleep. All kinds of dreams I have heard, yes although more horror dreams that I heard from him at that time. Now, let alone feel the condition like that time, hearing the typical opening sentence is rare.
I never blamed him for the current state of our relationship, but I was actually worried about myself, what was wrong with me, how he could slowly move away from me and get closer to the others, although not every day I feel it. But one thing I was confused about, was he actually the one who stayed away or I was too carried away by the feeling when I saw him too close to the others? Sorry, I'm sorry I couldn't be fully willing to see him closer to the others than I am. I shouldn't be like that, but that's what happened. I don't want it to be like that, but again I say it's what happened.
It may have been my consequence if this had happened, the consequences of an irrepressible ego, the consequences of jealousy (Onsiveness) that I could not tolerate, the consequences of a self that may lack understanding of him so that he chooses another.
Hopefully this condition will pass quickly and must pass. Hopefully this is just a fluctuation of life, not the end of the story. My ex could be my best friend, I hope friends will return to be friends and hopefully rise to “friend taste of family.
Once a holy love you have now tarnished with You betrayed my loyalty.
Not that I hurt you on purpose, but
Do you realize this is my heart? Conscious or unconscious?
No one misses a mistake
So is my self.
You don't have to say one reason at a time, I don't want to hear that reason and I won't be able to take you back to my life.
Maybe someday you'll understand that
The sincerity of my heart that I keep for you. Don't you regret what happened well, let the pass go and go as far away.
My love story and you're over
Seen Between us. Holy love you have tarnished and you have betrayed my loyalty you have been so great to me. You hurt me who's been fighting for you all along.
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Seriate...
