Can't Have You

Chapter 16's

I Want to Wipe You (Again)

When I was busy surfing in cyberspace (social media networking), I accidentally saw your status appear on my Twitter, when I saw the notice on my Instagram there was your name on my list like my post, When I opened Facebook it was listed your name was online there.

Instantly I think I want to greet you again just throw a greeting ‘hai’ through a short chat, or say that I (very) miss you.

However, I realized that if we are nothing, we are nothing. You and I are two strangers who no longer know each other. Just like when we didn't know each other before.

We are just two strangers who own our own world.

Now the truth is we're back to being two strangers just like when we didn't know each other, I can't do anything but accept, it's like being hurt.

To this day I still wonder in my heart. We have been with each other for a long time without news. It's been almost six months, of course, it's a long time, but I'm the one you're obviously hurting, still hoping and wanting to get you back to talk. I don't like you keeping me quiet like this, six months go by you never give me any clarity on why you disappeared and away from me like I was the one you hated the most.

I (want) to talk to you does not mean I want us to knit the story as it used to be, or take you with me again. Really no?!! I just want you and me, yes we become two people who are fine without having to be quiet with each other like this. Although actually I also keep worrying if this happens, I (will) hope we have togetherness as before and finally arise the details of love again.

At certain times there is something passionate in the heart of wanting to know about you, then quickly I look for your social media address. After being satisfied I was stalking, not only relieved after knowing your news but my heart also felt hot, tight, and painful.

It turns out that you are now too engrossed in your world.

Turns out you've been with him that you call love. Sometimes I look far away, whether he you call love now you will treat me the same way you treated me, love me for a while and then go away.

My guardian still often invites you and would love to greet you back. But all that I did was my wish. I greet you through my thoughts, I greet you through my thoughts. Maybe it's a sign that I haven't completely forgotten about you. You are still a figure that fills every corner of the heart. You still remain the owner of the most beautiful taste that is not really available to have.

Be aware of the soul, if actually in the heart want to say hello again. Shouldn't stay down too long in this. If he goes away without clarity, it means he has no right to come back for a thousand reasons. Moreover, it re-fulfills the memory of your brain and mind.

How are you there Still I keep a story about us What power I'm just a human being Need a friend story through the tone Now-even time has come I greet again with the work Even though we are in a different town but I know we're feeling the same sorry if I dimmed a long time ago I want you to know I'm putting life together. But without you I can't keep living from the air I breathe.

Once more

Let me greet you

Even if only a few words

I want to greet you

Because I don't know what to do

When you seem to want to stay away

And don't want to see each other again

Let me greet you

How are you

Just be well

Long time no sign of your presence

I can't get any more of your good news

Yes, this covid

But don't get it

Our relationship has become a pandemic era now

Must implement health protocols

We both understand this

But do we also have to maintain communication distance

I want to greet you

Simple is all

Let it be, even if you don't repay it

But I hope you're healthy and well

I have often wanted to greet you first through my short messages, how many times have I deleted the messages I have written to you just because I was too afraid to greet you.

There are many that make me feel afraid to greet you first, either because I feel unattended or because I feel embarrassed if I have to greet you first.

When my feelings of longing peak, I want it to feel like I greet you even with such short words.

Honestly I am sad because I always think about you and always miss you. I can only love you in silence and I don't know when these feelings will be for you.

I always pray that if you are not for me then may God immediately erase my feelings for you so that I stop thinking about you and stop this hand itching to type a message for you.

It's sad when you can only miss you and love secretly. Being angry with yourself for always missing you and not being able to stop thinking about you. This hand feels so agile to want to type a message and wants to feel like greeting you.

I always try to prevent myself when I start wanting to type messages against you because after venturing out to type a message to you that I will definitely regret if you finally ignore me.

I always ask that your heart be opened for me but so far your heart has not been opened and you have not been sensitive. It felt like I wanted to give up on my feelings but in fact the more I tried to give up and quit the more I got hurt.

I don't know why it feels like I'll never have the same feelings for me and never think about me let alone miss me.

All of which made me doubt my feelings for you, doubtful because I was sure that loving me was impossible for you

I feel sad and hurt when my feelings are not reciprocated. I who I pray for and who I always wait for will not be sensitive.

Until in the end I really wanted to give up on this feeling, after I thought that loving me was impossible for you, but I believe that if God wills then nothing is impossible for Him.

I still believe in that, even though this feeling makes me sad I should not be rash to reveal it to you. I'd better put my feelings toward my God, let God open your heart if you're for me.

I'm sad, I'm disappointed and I'm hurt by how I feel about you. But I always held myself back from expressing my feelings towards you.

I realize only to God can I hope and express my feelings towards you. Because it turns out praying for you is the truest way of loving and wishing to be loved by you.

****

Seriate....