Can't Have You

Chapter 15's

We used to be close. Well. Maybe as people say. We were once as close as pulse, before we were as far away as the sun today.

We know each other so much, we fill each other so much. But now we are like strangers who never want to remember that our dulh once complement each other, we spend our days together even though we are each busy we still have time to support each other.

We used to promise each other will always be faithful to guard the heart even though we have no special relationship between the two of us. Promise to the end point where if true your heart wants to justify me.

If asked to remember again, it feels funny. It's as if you don't want to know me anymore that you don't want to remember me who once struggled to throw away my days for the two of us who gave each other heart, filling time with our laughter even in the midst of busyness among us. We still love each other and forget the memories that we built for 6 years.

Now we are no longer greeting either on Whatshap or on the phone. Even though we're monitoring each other through Story. Seegois is that you? Even to greet me back you don't want to anymore.

I never thought this would happen. I think we're gonna stick around until the end of our story on our first meeting. But unfortunately you have ended and left me first.

Namu because of your past wounds that I once reminded you that accidentally scratched back for you. You really can't forget or get out of your past.

You do not forgive me for my mistakes. Actually, it's not without reason that I'm closing myself off from you. I just don't want to say that to you, you misjudged me. Well, you judge me too possessive and overthinking yourself, said your cousin as I asked you.

I've tried to explain the great love of loving you. But you never gave me that chance to convey my race to you.

Now there's nothing more I need to explain to you, because I already know that you don't love me. Maybe I was wrong to have put my heart on the comfort you have given all this time. Until I forget that the greater love is for God not for man.

Become someone who does not know each other anymore and is indifferent. I never missed a day without exchanging news. But now it's like people who have never been close even never know each other.

Now it's different, everything's different. It used to be that exchanged news, threw each other attention and cared for each other. Today everything is just a memory.

Even feel impossible, now this is a person who is so foreign when it used to be close and caring for each other. You never thought you would be far away from him. You never thought that you would be a stranger to her

The current ones are close to each other, caring for each other and caring for each other. It does not guarantee that the next will be close to each other, will pay attention to each other again and care for each other. Because it could be that someone close to you right now will only be someone so foreign to you.

It's like being someone who's never been in your life. It used to be so close, and you never thought it would be like this. Become someone who never knew again.

Like a dream when this time is just being people who do not know each other. When this moment is just being a stranger to you. You can't believe that he's gone raiding from you. Even if you don't want it, it's as if he's getting away and away.

What can you do, still he will stay away and become a stranger. They were so close and spent time together. But it was like a dream when I saw him now like someone I never knew.

Do not think because this time is close to each other, everywhere is always together. Sharing news, giving each other attention and caring for each other. Not necessarily tomorrow or the day after tomorrow everything will remain the same.

If there is one who wants to stay away then as close as possible at this time will eventually become people who do not know each other. Will be a stranger like a man who has never been close before.

You who used to even now still stay in my heart. Didn't know, we haven't seen each other for a long time. In the past, every day we never once forgot to give news, as busy as I and you. But first stay. Now we are like strangers who do not know each other, even though we were so close. We never say hello to each other like we used to. Maybe you've forgotten, never thought I really meant anything.

Not so with me. I never forget a second about you, about us, who used to spend a time together. As hard as I try, you still occupy the same position. You're the one name I can never lose track of.

Every time you look at the drizzle that comes, at that moment also the memory of you is present in the mind of the eye. At that time, we both had to go through the drizzle one afternoon, spending a day with you enjoying the beautiful beach in one corner of this city.

I remember how hard your head was, not taking shelter or just wearing a jungle coat. You'd rather play around with the drizzle coming. You said, drizzle is romantic. It was beautiful when I remembered that time.

Time passes, leading us to new things. But I believe, both of us are able to pass through all the obstacles that stretch. The distance may have separated me and you there. But love will continue to shine in it, no matter how far it separates us, distance becomes a loyal friend. From a distance I learned the meaning of patience, maturity, and independence as a woman. Even though I can't deny meeting you, I want you to be spoiled.

We may not be able to be like other couples, who can be there at any time when each other needs. Your busyness there, your busyness here, makes us not always able to meet each other face to face. You're far away, I'm staying here. The distance of two cities on two islands will not be denied if at any time it can shake our beliefs. But there is one full force that I have always believed will never be able to break down our love, the power of prayer.

Even though we are no longer together, but love for you I keep. In every prostration, I never once forgot to pray for you. Let God play his part. I believe that the power of love and prayer can change the impossible into the possible.

Could it be that you can treat my heart wound now ?

I admit I miss you very much

Sometimes I cry because I lost you. Sometimes I can't sleep well because I think about you.

Free now you awaken my frozen heart. Though lips say love is not necessarily heart received. Why are you in my eyes like a stranger? . What are your regrets

Can I heal my heart wounds? Restore my heart as it was? After you break that feeling?

Free now you awaken a heart that has been frozen, even though the lips say love is not necessarily heart received. Why are you in my eyes like a stranger. Is.your regrets.

Can heal my heart's wounds.

Now we don't talk

Now there are only wounds in the heart

Which is between us.

How can we be like this?

How do we get this cold?

The closest of you is now a stranger to me

Well. Very foreign to me........

You once made me happy

Make me understand love

The way you taught me to be happy. Even when I'm hit with a serious enough problem you can make me laugh, able to make me rise again from my despair even always remind me to return to the path of God and pitting all my nations on the alphabet of God.

Now we don't talk

Now there are only wounds

Which is between us

How can we be like this?

How do we get this cold?

The closest of you is now a stranger to me

I can't believe it

And I didn't expect

We were once inseparable

Now we don't look at each other

How can we be like this?

I don't know. That's impossible to think about. Only God knows how we can be like this.

Something has changed. Something is no longer the same. Suddenly everything felt different. Suddenly everything felt foreign. You, are no longer a figure I recognize. Look at the eyes that used to feel warm now disappear somewhere. You present as if bringing a million wishes. Now, your departure is just a death wish. Ever since I got to know you, I've been more convinced that love is a painful game.

From the beginning, you and I couldn't have been us. When hope is too far from reality. When destiny is not in favor of desire. You are too fast to run to end and I who still stand here try to rearrange the heart. Sometimes, there is no point holding someone who has already decided to leave. This time I lost. I really gave up.

In the past, I never thought I would drop my heart on you. Someone who is hard at once soft-hearted. A closed person who gradually begins to open up; tells about your dreams, thoughts, desires and hopes.  

Someone who can make me smile every time you are next to me, now feels changed. I don't know why I don't understand? I asked him what he was, to myself and to others close to him.

Someone who always looks peaceful when strumming a guitar. Someone I still call even in the impossible. That he was mine later. Anything about you, managed to lock my entire attention. Everything about you, is still the reason behind my smile, happiness, and disappointment.

We were so close before reality finally brought us together. We once shared a dream, before you finally decided to leave. Without a word of farewell, without a word of goodbye. You choose to end your own story without caring that there will be hearts that are hurt. You started to step foot when I was already anchoring the heart. And you, close the story that we both started.

And finally when you leave me without saying goodbye there you look indifferent and will deny a story of our story that we have made in a frame.

Everything happens for a reason. Including a meeting. And also meeting with you. You taught me one thing, when we hope so deeply it means we have to be ready to be disappointed very deeply too. Similarly, when the two people who have been friends for a long time are not united and destined by God.

When we love someone, we risk our heart to be hurt. Because in love, there is no guarantee not to be hurt or hurt, hurt or hurt. There is nothing wrong, because we cannot determine when and to whom our hearts will be fixed.

Now, those of us who have been in the same hope leave only those of us who are limited to ever. Ever loved but hurt. Ever raised hopes that were later broken. Ever tried to unite wanted but hindered by destiny. And never settle before finally taking off each other.

2021 I propose to leave this pain is a longing that has never met throughout the year.

That is you, whom I have forcibly removed from memory but never left. I'm hurt when you keep smiling lamenting you I no longer do. I'm afraid if it's unrequited, it kills me, I'm afraid if my message is just you read. My fear happened a few months ago and it still happens.

We are already strangers when my place is replaced in your heart, we no longer share laughter let alone sorrow. Could we have forgotten each other?

Help me hate you, help me forget you forever and erase those sweet memories in my memory. Because you are so popular in my brain.

I am helpless, the feeling that dwells in the heart is very strong. Even if you keep ignoring me, I'm fine, I think it's a dream. Well, maybe this is a dream but a dream in reality that I feel right now.

I'm still sure I have you in my prayer, I might go crazy on you even so crazy on you.

You're a palanquin I can't forget

You miss the most beautiful even though you never met the real world.

Now I'm chronically ill, because I was struck by an invisible stab that grabbed and stabbed.

With deafened ears, closed eyes, and a bruised heart.

Wh why?

I was bleeding, though,

He whom you treat with love.

Alright..

My years and yours are obsolete, ruined even.

You were good that long.

But somehow in this eye betrayal is always disgusting.

This poem is written "me".

Because "me" is too familiar for us who are already strangers.

How can we be like this?

How do we get this cold?

The closest of you is now a stranger to me

The closest of you is now a stranger to me.

*****

Seriate...