Can't Have You

Chapter 14's

Life is about choices. Every woman has the right to make her own choices in life.

If what they think about when their eyes are closed are pleasant things, it is inversely proportional to me whose mind is floating on uncertain things. If they can smile and laugh out loud without thinking too hard, I'm here laughing and putting on a happy look but thinking what my opponent is talking about I think of this laughing me. If they complain about their lives that I don't think are as heavy as those who are unlucky, I'm here every morning waking up with a shadow of whether I'm going through my day in good shape.

Growing up with an anxiety disorder sometimes makes me think why all the bad things come to me. A nuisance I didn't realize was with me in the last few years. Starting with my mind that always drifted here and there, worrying about a thing that might be considered normal humans need not worry. Continuing with no chance I control the worry that if left unchecked will take my mind more and more until finally I know I have a panic attack.

I can't tell anyone about this because mental disorders are taboo. I once poured out what I felt to those I trusted, but they did not understand and just thought it was common.

Is that the usual thing when you even feel claustrophobic even though you're in a calm state?

Is that the usual thing when you come back a few times just to find out and make sure that your house is locked and still worried about it?

So my mind prefers to keep all those things and not talk about them to anyone even to my own family members. Let's say I'm a coward, but I'd better pour that out on every essay I make.

I am just an ordinary woman compared to other women. My dream is not special compared to the big dreams of other women. I'm a dreamer woman who channels her dreams into every unflagging expression that maybe not everyone understands.

Learning from what I felt, instead of falling down because of the distractions I had, I chose to get to know more about what I grew up with. There is a lot of literature that I read to expand my understanding of something that has been disturbing my life. Maybe other people see me as someone who is ambitious to be a psychologist, but actually I just want to help other humans to bring understanding to them that honestly mental disorders that we can control.

From reading I understood what I had to do in order to control this disturbance. There are also many people with other mental disorders that I meet and I try as much as possible to explain, giving them a spirit that with the disorder is not an end of life. It was the starting gate on their journey to better understand themselves.

Because of that, I realized that there are many people who have mental disorders heavier than me who can still live life as usual. Many young people who can not live a normal life because of the incompetence of adults who consider that the initial symptoms of a mental disorder is common and they only realize it when everything has become abnormal and it's hard to cure.

Not only through face-to-face meetings, some of the young people trusted me to come up with some solutions that they could not express because they believed that I understood the meaning of the words that came out of their mouths. I always felt the warmth spread throughout my body when they came back and happily said that talking to me made their lives helped.

Even that small thing helped me to vent my thoughts and ideas about mental disorders in a novel essay I was hoping for. People with mental disorders are my main passion to continue working. I'm trying to show that we're not something dangerous and taboo.

If you see me smile, It's not because I forgot you...It's because I got tired of crying for you.If you see me living again, It's not because I've moved on...It's because I hate the fact you can live without me.

Don't Expect the Sympathy of Others With Problems We Don't expect too much sympathy from others for the problems and difficulties–difficulties that befall us.

It is better if we try to solve the problem and try to reduce it as much as we have the ability. Instead of using the problem– the problem to get sympathy from others.

We forget that some people sometimes speak words of sympathy many times just to make small talk. After that, they do not want to help, do not know and do not want to spend time with us. Expecting Sympathy Expecting Sympathy We forget that everyone inevitably has problems that can hurt his feelings.

Allah SWT never wronged anyone. However, we ourselves have wronged ourselves when we focus too much on the problems that occur and too enlarge the problem, without trying to find a positive solution in this journey of life we often feel disappointed. We feel very disappointed when something is missing from our grasp, a desire that is not achieved, and a reality that is not in line with expectations.

Finally this mangan–angan sinks slowly –lahan. Truly, all of that has brought about such a tempestuous disappointment in the soul. And it would be very fortunate if, in the moments of the shaking of the soul, there was still a speck of light in the heart to contemplate the truth.

There is still the strength to step foot into the councils of science, dhikr councils that will give peace of mind. Life is like a wilderness. A place where we pursue a variety of desires. And indeed man is created to have wills, to have desires.

But not everything we want can be frowned upon, not everything we want can be achieved. And it is not easy to realize that what is not our right does not need us to cry. Many people do not realize that this life has no law that it must be successful, must be happy or must-have the other.

Many people are successful but forget that the origin of all God's gifts to make him arrogant and arbitrary. The fact of failure is something that is not our right, which has been determined by Him.

Not Our Own What is ours in the world, as it is the sustenance, the position and position of God's assurance will convey. But what is not ours, we cannot have, even though it comes near to us, though we labor.

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Seriate...