A Star

Twenty-five

In deep sadness, my brain kept thinking, why am I torturing myself? being out there Pandu can still enjoy his life after what he did to me.

My heart was determined to rise but my feeling was still doubtful, who should I tell about my biggest problem? Mammy? Dr Rendra? I'm really afraid they're disappointed and away from me.

Maybe it's best to keep my disgrace tight for a while, let the time determine where this secret will flow.

"Well.." I went to the kitchen and saw Mom cooking.

"Become....!" mamah was surprised to see me standing there and called out to him.

"Mah.maafin Dara is already nusahin mamah" I said again.

"Dara... mamah seneng you come out of the room and talk again" said mamah enthusiastically and moved to tears hugging me.

"Mah.. mamah cook what? Dara laper" I said later.

"laper? Dara what do you want to eat? let mamah masakin ya" said mamah happy.

"They want a chicken geprek mah, which pedes yah" I said.

"fortunate....Dara sat down first yes. mamah masakin used to make Dara" face mamah beamed series.

Mamah cooks quickly, not for an hour I can enjoy my favorite super spicy hot chicken.

While eating my food, Dr. Rendra came and half ran to see me sitting at the dinner table.

"ay Allah Daraaaa." said Dr. Rendra looking at me in disbelief.

I still enjoy my food regardless of its presence.

Dr. Rendra who saw me eating voraciously, was finally only able to sit in front of me while looking at me with her sweet smile.

My food was gone, I licked my finger, the rest of the chili was still stuck there,

"uuushh.. huwaahh... spicy" murmured.

Dr. Rendra thrust a glass filled with water at me, I just raised my two hands that were still dirty, with a swift Dr. Rendra gave the glass right in my lips so I could drink without holding it.

"alhamdulillah." I cried after drinking water.

"wash his hands first." tell Dr. Rendra.

I got up from my seat and headed to the sink to wash my hands.

Again Dr. Rendra helped me, he gave me a clean cloth,

"thank you.." I finally got it.

I went back to my room and Dr. Rendra had permission first to follow me to my room, mamah allowed it and of course he followed me.

"sad.. do you feel better now?" tanyakanya.

"he em.." I said, nodding.

"alhamdulillah, I'm so worried about you" he said, now holding my hand.

"don't hold my hand, my hand still smells of sambel" I replied as I placed my hand on Dr. Rendra's nose while chuckling.

"iyaaa still bauk" he joked and then we laughed together.

There's guilt in my heart for ignoring Dr. Rendra all this time, I feel unworthy of her again, my body has been stained and dirty.

"i'm glad you're okay." he said attentively.

"Doctor.." call me.

"Doctor?" confused repeat.

"Doctor Rendra, we better break up." I said with a heavy heart.

"what the?? broken up???" Dr. Rendra was really surprised by what I said.

"yes, we should live our lives, I don't deserve you"

"no.. I don't want to break up with you...!!" he refused raw.

"you deserve a better woman than me"

"but I love you Dara. I don't want anyone else!"

"forgive me Doctor..."

"no Dara. You can't decide I'm like this!"

"come home Doctor. You just need time to forget me"

"no Dara. I know if you love me too. And remember our promise, we'll get married!"

"please go, doctor." I pushed him away, I tried not to cry in front of him, I struggled to hold back the tears that were holding in my eyes.

"well, but I'm not leaving because I agree with your crazy idea.I'm just giving you time to think about Dara!" he said then out of my room while rubbing his face wet with tears.

How sorry I am for so easily believing in Pandu's sweet mouth, I really did not expect if he was that bad and depraved.My emotions were uncontrollable when considering the events of that time, I really did not expect if he was that bad and depraved, my chastity is easily taken away.

"hiks.hikssss.." My tears became more and more, my eyes were not only swollen but swollen until I was hard to open my eyes.

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From the day I decided on Dr. Rendra, he didn't show up at my house and he didn't even call me when I had my phone switched back on.

"it may be difficult at this time.but gradually you will get used to the Doctor.." I muttered alone and again I cried considering how sweet my relationship with him was.

A week later, while I was watering the lawn, Dr. Rendra appeared before me with a bunch of very beautiful flowers,

"morning Iang.." said.

I was surprised to see it coming, even with flowers in my hand and a sweet smile on my lips, as if nothing had happened.

"why are you coming again?" I said trying to cover my surprise with a flat face.

"i'm your sweetheart, it's only natural that I come here"

"we broke up a week ago...!" I said with a sharp and threw a water hose in any direction.

"who said? I don't agree with your crazy idea, so how can it be said to break up?" sahut relax.

"basic stubborn!" my spoken.

"i'm supposed to keep the people I love so much"

"if you knew the truth, you wouldn't love me anymore!" my grit.

"what kind of truth do you mean?"

"the bitter truth!"

"whatever it is, I will try to accept you always!"

"cih...you're so sure when you don't know as bitter as what the truth is!"

"i always have to be sure"

"but I'm not sure you'll survive after hearing everything!"

"say..."

"are you ready?"

"yeah..."

I went in and sat in the living room, seemingly uncomfortable saying disgusting things in front of the house.

Dr. Rendra followed my steps and sat opposite me.

"say.." he said.

"i.." My voice choked for a moment.

aheemm... ahemmm. I cleared my throat to neutralize the nervousness in my heart,

"i don't deserve you anymore, doctor.."

"why?"

"because.."

"because of what Dara?"

I began to shed tears, my tongue felt faint to tell him,

"Become.." call her

"yes.." I said with my head bowed.

"look at me, Dara, and tell me what you want to say..."

With a single breath so deep, I raised my head and looked at him, then I said, I said,

"i'm no longer holy!" after saying that I again lowered my head not daring to look at his facial expression.

Dr. Rendra did not make a sound again after hearing my answer, for a long time we kept quiet until he finally woke up and said goodbye, coming home,

"i came home first" he said in a tone so cold that it made my heart shake violently.

She just went home without responding to my answer, I went into my room and cried again until I fell asleep.

"goodbye doctor." I cried.

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