A Decision

Separate House

Can the Great Soul?

Nothing is heavier for me

from a BETRAYAL.

But I never really

let myself think, though,

to harm

the one who ever guilty me,

as much as his faults and sins.

(Rasail Ibn Hamz 1/210)

...💕💕💕...

Abim and I had a terrible fight. This time, it was because of the same problem, Reyna.

I decided to take a separate step from Abim. My decision is complete!!

All I thought about at that time was the only farewell to solve the problem. Avoiding household quarrels that are almost continuous because of the third person.

Regarding the cost for the trial already crossed my mind. There is no cost to take care of the trial, the important thing is that I split first from the new Abim after that think about the next plan! Thought me.

.

.

While Abim is also on his own decision until at any time, will never be willing to separate and deal until the court. Especially when it comes to the cost of divorce.

****

When the fight happens...

I was determined to end my life and take a knife while fighting with Abim.

Tired and upset because I was constantly pressured by Abim to accept others into my household with Abimanan.

It wasn't easy for me to accept, maybe for Reyna she wanted to be polygamous. But for me no!!!!

It's been a while, I've been quiet and patient. Gave an opportunity to an Abimanan, my husband! In order to keep me and the children and leave that woman! But in reality, Abim remained on his decision.

.

.

.

Abim who panicked from seeing my hand was already holding a knife. Then quickly snatched the force from my hands.

Not long after that my father and mother-in-law came to divorce so as not to happen unwanted.

The knife was captured by Abimanan and thrown away. Mouth fights also occurred between Rizal and Abim.

Abim was very angry and very upset. His anger was no longer contained. Retractable tablecloth. Until the glasses, plates, and others that were on the table fell all on the floor.

Prankk's....

(The sound of plates and glasses falling on the floor)

"Mother.." Shouted at the same time Sisil and Aisha were frightened.

Mr. Rizal was very emotional, because he saw the behavior of his son who crossed the line. Mr. Rizal went out of the house, about to ask the neighbors for help. Because Abim's anger is hard to control.

Mama Ainun tried to calm her son, while I was just silent with my heart racing very fast. I wanted to try to calm Abim down but what a force, my two children hugged tightly and pulled my body very tight, away from his angry father.

That afternoon before magrib. Abim is like a man possessed. Difficult controlled.

..

Mr. Rizal came with the neighbors. Come inside the house. Seeing mama Ainun who was calming Abim. I was out of the house with the kids.

Fathers enter one by one into the house. Someone calmed the angry Abim. There are also those who clean glass and dish fragments.

.

.

Half an hour..

The fathers managed to calm Abim. Abim sat on the floor. The clothes he was wearing had been torn, as a result of being pulled by him. His whole body was soaked with sweat flowing down Abim's body.

"Istifar, Abim sir!" Said one of the fathers who came home.

Abim was silent. Then he adjusted his breathing which began to pant due to exhaustion. His face just looked down. Shame on the arrival of his neighbors!

And Ainun, who was sitting near Abim, wiped the sweat that poured out on his son's body! His heart still sounds so tight.

Not long after, the atmosphere of the sky started to darken. The clock is six o'clock in the afternoon! It is time for the Maghrib.

The neighbors say goodbye to going back home! Mama Ainun and Mr. Rizal thanked the neighbors.

.

.

After the departure of the neighbors. The two children were still afraid to go inside. Even my hands were held by Ayesha and Sisil. Their hearts are still beating. I can still hear their heartbeats. So scared. That's how they felt at the time.

Suddenly Abim came out with a bag and left just like that. No saying or saying anything to me and the kids!

After Abim's departure, me and the children entered.

"Assynnya!" Say hello to Mama Atika when entering the house.

"Glamma!" Say it simultaneously!

"Let's mom!" Call mama Ainun!

My mother sat closer to me. Then he asked what happened. "So someone told my mom. About what happened here just now. What's the matter, ndok?"

"So Manda quarreled with Abim, then held a knife. My father and I saw them fighting and there was a knife in Manda's hand. Eventually we both tried to break up in order for unwanted events to happen. In fact, Abim was angry. Up like this!" Mama Ainun's chirps.

"Why ndok! Your mind is short! Poor kids. Poor old mama told me to take care of your son!" Omel mama Atika on me.

I just ducked. I knew at the time it was wrong with what I was doing. Supposedly, I should be able to be more patient in facing the trials like now! God will not test his people beyond the ability of his people!

...✨✨✨✨...

Prophet Shalallahu'alaihi Wasalam said..

which means "Whoever kills himself with something, he will be punished with it on the day of the apocalypse." (CHR. Bukhari no 6105, muslim no 110).

...✨✨✨✨...

Two weeks later, after the events of that day. Abim, still don't tell me. It disappeared!!

I'm here, with the kids! At home, it was like something was missing. Lonely! Empty! But it felt peaceful, no longer did the sound of quarrels between me and Abim!

Sisil who already understood about his father's problems. Don't worry about his father or not! While Aisyah who initially acted ordinary. Often asked. Where's my dad, bun!

Aisyah is close to her father, often acting normal if there is a father. But if there were none, he would ask his father.

Moreover, it will be felt when he saw a child his age go with his father and his mother! Aisyah's face will be immediately sad then cry.

Two children with different natures. But those are the ones who always fill my empty days. Which always makes me excited to live the trials of life so bitter.

I'm still grateful, at least there are still children who always make me smile. But Abim has lost children with his ego attached. Without seeing happiness for his baby.

I don't know what's happening to Abim right now. Where does he live? What do? It still crossed my mind. But I'm sure all of this will gradually get used to living without him and I should be able to.

Right now all I do is think about my future and what steps should I take? Not lamenting the sadness that happens continuously.