A Decision

Is It All My Wrong?

The Hospital..

Hours 19.30 WIB..

I just finished doing four rakaats. I let go of the face I was wearing.

Then sit down next to my daughter, Aisyah. He looked at his face that was starting to smile. It's been three days, Aisyah's been treated. His condition is getting better.

But Abim had not yet come to see him! Fortunately, the little guy didn't ask about his father.

Thank God I am still surrounded by friends, family and parents who have always supported me. Including Ainun and Rizal.

"Yes.."Call Aisyah who is playing a game on her phone.

"Daddy misses dad!"

"She, I want to meet dad. I'm sorry, I haven't seen the hospital. Maybe tomorrow!" Answer me trying to calm Aisyah so as not to think too much that her father has not been able to come!

Shortly afterwards there was the sound of footsteps approaching, opening the curtains that closed, as a barrier between patients.

"Assynnya!" Greet Arif and a stranger.

"Glamma!" Me and Aisha answered their greetings.

"Bimo Mas!"

"Manda!" Said Bimo.

Arif saw the two who knew each other, not expecting that I knew the friend who came with him!

"You two know each other, mbak?" Tanya Arif looked at me.

"Ehmm. Yeah, Rif! If you're the same Bimo, what a coincidence to come here?"

"I'm the same mas Bimo, happens to be a friend to teach every month. And today is a monthly schedule, so I'd like to stop by for a bit with Bimo!"

"Oh so it is!"

Bimo also approached Aisyah, then he stroked Aisyah's hair. "Syafakillah ya dear!"

"Thank you, um." Said Aisyah who was smiling looking at Bimo.

"Sweetie!"

.

.

Abim came and stood among them.

Aisyah spontaneously shouted loudly when she saw her father in front of her. "Dad."

There is a closeness between father and son who have not met for a long time. Asiyah was very close to Abim. They hugged for quite a while.

"Sir, let's go out for a minute." Said Arif who wanted to give time to Abim da Aisyah.

"All right."

"Bimo mas Yok! Take Arif and then go out of the room together.

.

.

After the departure of Arif and Bimo. I saw how happy Asiyah was to meet her father. He told me a lot about everything.

I was silent to see the two of them together.

Indeed my feelings for Abim could not just disappear from my heart. It's not that easy to forget someone who was special.

Ahhh.it is all just the past. I should be able to. He is no longer mine!! My inner being then dripped a thread of tears from my eyes.

"I want to talk to you." Said Abim who shook me. Then I wiped the tears with my hands.

"I. yes. Please!"

"Your satisfaction! Doing all this is the same as me."

I don't understand what Abim means. I asked him back too? "satisfied. What's that supposed?"

"You are the one who caused our household to be destroyed! You also caused me to be separated from the children. You're the one who made me hate the same old man."

Isd.deg..

My heart beats irregularly. Trying to understand Abim's words. Down and silent.

"I told you before we split. I made a mistake and will fix it all. If I wanted to be evil, I would be even more depraved! If I want to be good, I will be good and fix everything. And say it over and over again for you to think about. So don't blame me if I disappear and go away!! I work tired for whom? To my wife's son! But now it's all broken after we split up. Since then I've been determined to stay away and forget everything."

"Now you bear all the consequences, you want it. If the kids ask who is wrong. You have to explain. I'm not the wrong one. But you asked to split up!!! You caused all this!!" Say Abim repeatedly with emotion and say without feeling.

I held back the crying! Don't let these tears fall in front of him. I must be strong!! Don't think of me as a weak woman. My inner.

"It's money, don't look at how much. Maybe this helps a little. One more thing - never be a snitch!"

Abim gave me the money by putting it in my hand. Then leave me without saying hello.

I hold the money in my hand. Today, we need money for hospital expenses. But not in this way! He gave it to me after he was content to curse and insult me.

I chased him who was leaving.

"Mas."

Abim turned his body towards me. Look at me and ask. "What else is it?"

I approached him, my hand came forward and gave him the money he had given me.

"I do need money for Aisyah's hospital expenses. But if you don't give it. It is best not to give a penny to the children. God willing I can still finance them."

"OKs. If that's what you want!" Said and left.

After Abim left. My legs felt weak not strong enough to stand. I'm sitting in a chair. Coincidentally the atmosphere of the waiting room is quiet from visitors because it is night.

I sat down for a while. Crying because from then on can not express irritation to the man who became part of my life first.

Hix. hyx..

Remembering everything Abim said just now.

Did I make the wrong decision? Because I put my ego at risk! My stingy mind.

"Sir, don't be sad!" Said Arif who knew I was crying.

I saw him, it turned out that Abim and Bimo were already standing in front of me.

"Who's crying. E. not really" I replied evasively.

Bimo, Arif and I went back to Aisyah's place. There, it turned out that Aisyah was asleep.

"Sir, I say yes!" Said Arif kissing my hand when I left.

"Yes Rif, thank you."

"I'll excuse you too." Bimo said as he handed the envelope.

"What is this mas?"

"You accept yes. Hopefully useful!"

"Okay, thank you!" My word.

"Assalamualaik." Say hello to both of them and leave.

"Getishalight."

****

The night was getting late, but I could not fall asleep. When I closed my eyes, the shadow of Abim's words was still ringing in my ear. I would wake up again.

Did I become an ill-fated wife until my husband cheated on me? Am I also the one who caused my household to be destroyed? The children have lost all their rights because of me. Am I the cause? Say me in my heart.

Did I make the wrong decision???

I want to feel screaming. Release the heartbreak. But I can't!

I lowered my head. My head was a bit dizzy from thinking about every word Abimanan said.

Then I tried to stand up and walk towards the bathroom. Then take ablution.

I stretched out my prayer mat and started wearing my face.

I perform tahajud prayers. Begging for guidance on all these trials I'm going through and hopefully there's a way out.

...💦💦💦💦...

Thanks to all of you who have read my story. Without you I am nothing.

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