You're Not the First

mortuary

After I laid Aya on her bed I looked at her face. Even though his eyes are closed it looks once if it's still swollen. I'm feeling even more guilty now that he's even unconscious. Why yesterday I couldn't hold back so that made him sad and now the return of the papi must have added to the pain in his heart.

"Ko.. you go ahead as a family representative". Mama who was guiding my future in-laws gave orders to me.

"Jeng Sora just ahead let Fiah be with me," said Mama and Mami Sora just nodded her head.

"Follow all the process!" mama said again.

I nodded my head with force. It's not that I'm so afraid of the dead. I was afraid they would follow me and take me to the afterlife.

I'm not ready yet. My sins are so many that angels cannot count them. I am also still doing work. There is no intention to repent. If you are old, promise to myself.

I led Mami Sora forward, into the narrow living room. Papi's body was already lying there covered with a rag.

I tried to neutralize my nervousness to get my fear out of my heart.

" Ko please bathe papi ya ko.!", said mami Sora as she wiped her tears.

Glug

Ohhh, my God, how should I bathe the corpse of a papi when my feet and hands are shaking once.

"Son Basofi wants to bathe?", Abah Fani was suddenly in the small living room and asked me.

Surprisingly I nodded my head unconsciously as if hypnotized with charisma abah Fani.

Inside the place that was set to bathe my body and the other two people were ready, sitting on a cot covered with green mosquito nets as usual. There are also large vats filled with water. There is also a long tap that can drain water easily.

I swear I can't move my body at all. Many times I gulped my own saliva to try to calm my heart and this feeling.

Honestly, this is the first time I've followed the procession of a deceased person to this much detail.

Usually when there are relatives or relatives who died I only need to be present for a few minutes to meet the family and express condolences to the grieving family and then immediately withdraw with reason a lot of work, have to meet this and that.

Abah Fani came over and patted me on the shoulder, "Just calm down!". And it made my fear disappear instantly.

Papi's body was placed in the lap of the three of us. I held him with both hands following the example of two other people holding papi's body. Looks like they are ustadz-ustadz in the hut because Fani's brother called them ustadz.

I who held his head papi could clearly see his peaceful face. His face was like someone smiling. And I don't know why I'm not so scared anymore.

I imagined myself if I would someday die. How will my face be, like a happy person or like a grieving person.

Abah Fani began to read the intention to bathe the corpse of the papi then began to pour water on the head. Clean the nails of the corpse with gloves from rubber to clean. It splashes every hole in the human body. Nostril, ear, mouth, **** and everything is flushed with water and gently washed.

The body is then positioned almost like sitting and the hull is pressed so that all the dirt out, that is what I can conclude because after that there is dirt coming out of the hole ***** papi corpse. I looked away because I felt nauseous.

After everything has been cleaned then the body is flush with soapy water. Rinsed until clean then washed like a ablution.

What hope later I pass away my stomach is clean no dirt comes out. Want it when I return to Him I am in the best condition and get forgiveness from Him.

After finishing bathing there are those who get a part carrying a clean cloth to cover the body of the corpse and then taken to the funeral home.

My clothes were soaking wet and it felt like my feet were tingling, aching when moved.

"Son Basofi why?", Abah Fani who saw me did not immediately move from my seat felt astonished.

"Oh.. yes for a moment", replied you then immediately come out.

When Mikail came I immediately asked her to take my clothes which were usually in the trunk of the car. I asked him to take her through the back of Aya's house.

I asked Mikail to be in front of Aya's bathroom door while I bathed and cleaned. There is only one bathroom in the house. It is located near a very small and mini kitchen.

I rubbed soap into my body many times. Understandably in this bathroom there is no liquid soap let alone aroma therapy like in my home. After finishing the bath and making sure there was no smell of dead people left in my body, I went out and was shocked to find Mikail at the door.

"You startled me Mek", I said with a sniffle.

Not angry, he laughed at me.

"You're afraid, boss.", he used to.

" You think I'm a kid?", I don't want to be discovered if that's how I feel.

Mikail closed her mouth so as not to laugh because we were both still in the funeral home. In the office, maybe we will have a great debate as usual.

When I went to the living room, papi's body was already forgiven. I dare not look at it. I fear the dead will follow and lead me to the afterlife. I don't want to die right now and be tortured by angels in graves.

I want to repent when I die.

Please, God of the universe...

Abah Fani walked into the living room on both knees. He approached Mami Sora and spoke politely.

"Mr Soraya... If the body of Mr. Basuki in prayer at the mosque how?", asked Abah Fani.

"How about ko?", she asked me and it confused me. If only the business of the company I would not think long after weighing the case and the consequences I can immediately make a decision.

What this mother asked seemed like a simple problem but it made me confused how to answer it.

"We're going with you?" I hesitated to answer.

Mami Sora nodded and said, "yes please bah, we'll come along...". The woman who was my mother's age tried to toughen up even though her tears kept falling.

Once again I was forced to take up the body of papi even though I was so afraid. I swear I was very afraid even during his life he was very good to me but if he died this way I was afraid his spirit would follow me anywhere.

Arriving at the mosque I saw my papa just arrived and his face was wet like he had just finished taking ablution water. I just saw it and didn't intend to say hello.

Some time later the people who want to solicit the corpse of papi get ready to take ablution water. While me? I had to sit down first because my hands and feet were shaking. Stupid me

... why was it when the bath did not take ablution.

"Why son?". I turned my head and it was Fani's brother who had just patted me on the shoulder. I felt like I had strength again so I could stand up again.

"It's okay bah".

Abah Fani smiled then said, "Let's say Mr. Basuki!". He walked towards the toilet and I subconsciously followed him. Like there's a magnet pulling me to notice the motion.

In the abudhu place my eyes cannot be separated from the figure of Fani. I saw how he pulled his black kopyah back and started ablution. Perfect in my eyes.

I followed his movements stammering.