Waiting Room

Chapter 6 #1

I \= January Anggara

"Januuuuu!!!" He shouted as I waited for him in the campus parking lot. Suddenly he hugged me tightly.

"What's the aaaaaa?" My words follow his tone.

"OKAY. Okay. Wait for. Huh." He took and exhaled. "So. I was accepted to the radio station that time! Aaaa." He jumped because he was happy.

"Tell me the full story." I pulled his hand into the cafeteria. As he sat down he explained in a cheerful tone.

"So like this. After these two weeks. I got called. He said this is 'hello april? Mmm you auditioned yesterday huh? Congratulations. And for the next info you can just come straight here' Aaa." He shouted again with applause. I'm silent for a moment.

"Yeeeeeeee." I'm very happy. More fun and attractive than April. I jumped and jogged in front of him. And coincidentally there is a dangdut music playing. April laughed at me like that.

"Eh wait. I have an announcement too."

"What's? What's?"

"So I've got to start writing the thesis. I will graduate this year. Yeee." I was excited and dancing again. Not with April. He looks moody.

"Then we can't go the same again huh? Go home to college and eat fried chicken again."

"Hmm." I smiled a little. "Aren't we forgetting that our house is close?"

"Yes. But in the trash I'm alone."

I'm silent. I don't seem to have the heart.

"Eh. Uh. Its alright. It's good that you graduate quickly! Hehe." Obviously with a smile that I know it's pretend.

***

I'm about to graduate, but the feeling hasn't been taken care of. It's been a long time that this has been held tightly. I dare not speak it. So when do you dare? Waiting for her to get married? Waiting for her to have children and go with her husband? Didn't he? I'm raving it myself. Difficult. Every time I want to talk. I think my mouth is locked. Then the phrase "he might just want to be my best friend." Hehe. That's how I feel. Good. That way. I'll tell him right away.

***

First try. He was walking towards me. I'm dismissing.

"April. I have something to say."

"mmmmmmm. Will you take me to the radio station?"

"Eh. Ja. Hehe." Then he forgot about my initial sentence.

Fail.

Second try. We were eating both. There the atmosphere is a bit quiet. It's a good time.

"April. I'm the su...."

"Well. The chicken came too. What was?"

"I'm su...."

"Eh. I forgot the ice cream message. Wait a minute."

Fail. Wasn't easy. Wasn't easy.

Thousands of attempts have failed.

"I like it."

"I was just chatting with the upperclassman I used to love. He asked me now that I was a radio announcer. Bla bla bla. Ah glad."

Duh.

Does God not want to let us be closer than a friend? Did we meet just for a pseudo-relation? Am I the only one who has feelings for her while she doesn't? I'm rattled. If he wasn't meant for me. I hope this feeling disappears. No need to appear and pass from morning to evening.

***

I'm tired of this feeling that keeps coming up. I hope this feeling goes away soon. I don't want to continue to feel pain over feelings that only I can endure. Not not to reveal. But scared. Yes fear. Afraid that when I revealed, she said she didn't feel the same way. Then we are far apart just because of that trivial thing.

Now I'm trying to open my heart to someone new. For someone I might accept and accept. I hope that with the arrival of new people, my feelings in April are gone.

***

"Hi Janu." A woman who approached me. He is Feby. I asked him to come to me because I wanted to take him out to eat. Besides, I want to try being close to someone new. Oh yea. April said, Feby had told her that he liked me. Hopefully, the feeling is the same as before. I hope my heart opens for him. Okay. Okay. We continue.

"mmmmmmm. Feb. Wouldn't if we ate together tonight."

"Oh can."

"Will I pick you up at your house?"

"Sip!" There was a smile that she blushed when she accepted my invitation.

I came to April who was sitting alone. I told him about my invitation to Feby.

"Good indeed. If it can be fast." Hehe. That's what it hurts. But I withhold.

***

Until nightfall, I kept thinking about what kind of conversation to start. I got ready and went out of the house to ride a motorcycle. Not yet out, in the middle room there is already April who is chatting with mother.

"Janu. Where you going?"

"That's loh. That I told you about."

"That seriously? Wait for. Wait for. Are you wearing this shirt?" He stood up from his seat and pointed at my body which was only wearing a long-sleeved shirt.

"Yes. Why?"

"Ih. A bit of dong. Time to go on a date with perempuam, look so."

"But every time I go out to eat with you it looks like this."

"Yes it's different. Already replaced. Replace it!" He pulled my hand and put my shirt in the room. He took off the shelf and looked for better clothes than the ones I was wearing.

"Your spell is just this?" He asked while pointing at a shirt with only one on the shelf.

"Yes. It's a formal event."

"OKAY. Okay. Don't wear a shirt. Mm mm. Well this is." He picked up a denim jacket and then looked at it for a few seconds. "It has. Wear this. Uh wait. The shirt is also over! This one is!" He took one black shirt and gave it to me.

"OKAY. Okay. I'm changing. Hurry up you keluaaaaar!"

***

Me and Feby sat facing each other at the cafe. Ordering food and drinks. Then we talked more deeply about each of us.

"Janu. Do you have a boyfriend?" Ask her.

"Yet. That you?"

"Not yet."

"Mmm." I nodded my head. Geez it's hard to talk to get closer like this. He then took out his HP and played it. Huh. Uninspiring. With April I wouldn't be bored like this. But I have to try to make my feelings in April go away.

"Janu, you see this. Funny." Funny." Pintanya while showing a meme on instagram.

"Yes. Haha." I laughed pretend.

"April. Uh Feby I mean. I'm in the bathroom for a second, right?"

"Oh yes. I'm waiting here."

I stared blankly in front of the glass. My mind was on April. What if she turns out to be jealous of me seeing Feby? What if she likes me too? What if she had been waiting for me to express her feelings? My mind drifted far and wide in contrast to the thought of when I wanted to express my feelings in April. When I was with him I thought that he would not like me. But when I was with Feby I thought otherwise.

I went back to my seat. Feby is not. Maybe he's in the bathroom.

"April..my feelings can't be lost even if I try to be with someone new.." I said at the time.

***

My relationship with Feby is close. We watch, eat, walk and do everything more often. Especially if April goes on broadcast. But I haven't expressed any feelings for Feby. Because my feelings have not grown completely. The feeling in April did not go away either. Tonight I'm going to express my feelings to Feby. Maybe after I become her lover, my feelings in April will slowly disappear.

In the middle of a cafe that was not too crowded, there was Feby and I who were sitting opposite. I looked at him deeply, he looked unusual. He's more nervous today. Did he know that I would express my feelings to him?

"Feb.." she looked at me. There was silence for a few seconds between the two of us. I took a long breath.

"I'm that su...."

"When will this continue?" He asked a question that cut me off.

"Hmm?" Asking back.

"When did you take me as an impingement just so you could forget April? Want to get to when we're close while the one in your head is just the thought of April. How long are you gonna keep talking about April when we're both?"

I was shocked to hear his words. But it's my fault. I often do things that Feby asks. When I was in the cinema, I always talked about what movies I like to watch with April. When I eat, I often talk about my favorite food with April. It's all my fault.

"Febb. Excuse me. But..."

"When we first eat, you can talk that your feelings can not be lost even with someone new. And I know, it's for April. I know janu. Just so you know. Being me feels pain. Gotta make you like me when all you like is somebody else. Must hear you talking about other people while we're both. Must hear you say that your purpose is close to me just so that your feelings for the person you like are immediately gone." I'm silent, noiseless. He then stood up from his desk and left with tears coming out past his cheeks.

"Febb.. . Feby... . I'm sorry.." I shouted that he might not care.

There's regret there. I made her sick because my selfishness approached her only as an impingement so that my feelings for April disappeared. I'm mistaken. Wrong for the pain that has been inflicted on him.