Waiting Room

Chapter 11 #4

I \= April

That shitty college day that I thought was over. Graduation day is coming soon. Mom and Dad were there. Giving their proud look in front of their only child. Wearing a toga, I felt proud of myself. Then my name was called. I ride. Dad pointed my HP camera at me for making a January video call. For today, I am so proud, proud of myself that I have managed to get through all the fatigue and pain. I thank everyone who helped me until I got to this.

Outside I met and chatted with Okta who is also graduating today. Mom and dad chat with Okta's mom. While Okta and I walked. He took out his polaroid camera. Then take a picture of us both. We continued walking again while chatting.

"Thank you, yeah."

"Thank you for what?" Ask.

"Thank you for that...." Then he took out his HP and looked at it for a while. "Ih, Okta. Listen to me."

"Oh yes. Ja. What was?"

"Hmmmh." I patted the jidat. "Thank you for helping me with the final task. Until I can graduate too. Huh."

"Yes. Ja. I'm your loyal bodyguard. Uh we go there yuk!" Bring along.

"Come on."

He stopped his steps. Take her HP back. I started snorting in annoyance and folded my hands.

"Sorry.." she asked. Both of his hands slowly clasped my hands. His eyes looked at me inside. I looked at him a bit gerogi. My heart was beating faster than usual.

Slowly she got rid of the hair that was blocking my face. He held my cheek softly and looked at me deeper and deeper. His face slowly approached my face. She gave me a kiss that didn't know what it meant. I can't say what. It feels like fainting. But I quickly pushed him strong. To stop.

"O.... Okta... means ap...?" When I tried to say a word, he closed my mouth.

"Thank you for coming to my life and giving me a new color. Thank you for all the time you ever took for me. Thank you for receiving me well in your life. I love you so much. Very fondly. More than anything. It doesn't matter who you love right now. Because my feelings can't be lied to anymore!" Obviously with a hand that still holds both of my cheeks.

"Sorry Okta. But maybe your feelings are wrong!"

"Feelings are never wrong in determining direction."

"Indeed. Feelings are never wrong in determining direction. But if the direction you're heading is already occupied by another feeling, is your feeling still true?"

"But I...."

"I already have Janu. And that's enough for me!" I passed away without paying attention to him.

God, are you giving me a gift or are you testing me?

Why did you send someone who loved me so sincerely?

Am I supposed to stick with my choices and get one of them seriously hurt?

Or do I let my heart split in two so that no one gets hurt?

Ah, it seems not. But I love both of them.

I should what?

I gave no answer to him who hoped.

But he insisted on loving me.

He refused to meet another heart.

Lord.. Please give me just one hint.

About what I have to do now.

So that I don't hurt people that I love so much.

***

I came home feeling sad. I thought Okta's feelings for me would just disappear. Apparently not, he kept it. He kept it. Do I have to make him hate me so that no one bothers me anymore? I don't want to move my heart to anyone else. These feelings belong to Janu, Janu and Janu. No one can change it except God and myself.

***

"Hello.." said the call.

"Hello Janu...."

"What are you doing?"

"Mosting you. Hehe."

"Oh...."

"Why did you call me? It's still night."

"Look.." There was a pause before he continued. I heard he took a long breath. "I'd like to apologize in advance."

"I'm sorry for what?" I was amazed by what he said.

"I'm sorry. Because....."

"Because?"

"I want our relationship to stop here. I don't want to continue anymore."

Don't ask anything. My feelings at the time were very messy. My heart is divided in every direction. My tears are flowing. Everything hurts. So hurt. I can't hold anything back anymore. I just sat on the side of the road and tried to keep chatting with Janu on the phone.

"But... but why?" I asked with my mouth and the feeling shook with sadness.

The phone's closed. Janu sent me a message. The message contained a photo. A photo that makes me angry. That picture was the one that Okta kissed me yesterday. I don't know where that photo Janu got.

"I can explain, Janu." I tried to send a message.

"Jan...."

"Please don't go......"

"Jan.... Please...."

"Nothing needs to be explained anymore everything is clear. Very clear, April. Already, we'll just end it all. You have to start that new life without me."

"But I love you so much, Janu. No one can replace you. There's no."

"There was. Octa. He's in your heart now, isn't he? Go ahead. Just go with him."

"But janu. Please...."

The message was unrequited, my feelings shattered. Everything hurts. Everything's messy. No more happiness. All of them are wounds that may not heal forever.

I ran to my house. With sobbing cries. I let my body lie in a bed. Breaking down every cry that could no longer be held back.

God, this is not what I want.

Why did you let him go?

Why should I feel this pain?

If he doesn't deserve me, then,

Why should there be a meeting between the two of us?

Why should I feel in love with her?

Why don't you just alienate the two of us a long time ago?

So that no pain should be felt when we are not destined to be one.

His promise to be together forever is just nonsense. His promise to go home was wishful thinking. His promise to guard the heart is only an illusion. He could not keep all his promises. He's not really against me. He can't hold on. He's weak. I thought he was the best man. I thought he was the last man I'd always want to be. Apparently not. He was just like the man I met a lot; who only came, asked for half my heart, made me hang on to taste and hope, and then gave such a deep wound to the end of the story.

But I'm sure. All of this is not the real end.