The Soulmate Must Meet

Episode 33 - Sharp Gravel

Masriyah's mother looked at me. A mother's gaze, for I have considered her my real mother. I deliberately went to the boarding school to ask for directions. Because the turmoil of my heart began to peak. That night, after eating rice Jamblang Yusuf asked me to be his wife. I really don't want to, but I feel bad for Amir, especially Mr. Iwan who has introduced me to him.

“Are you ready to be born and inward?” ask Masriyah.

“Insya Allah Bu..”

“Married it, not just matching two people, but two families.”

Two families? I was silent because I had no family. Will my future priest accept me for who I am?

“And getting married is not for playfulness, you will sail through the world together, difficult and happy, quiet and crowded, even in a tired state even though you are required to remain istiqomah.”

“Insya My mental God is ready Ma'am.”.

“If you are ready, then choose.”

“That's what worries me. Both are good people,” I replied.

“Both not necessarily true, right? Between the two there must be a right to be your husband, the priest of the world and the hereafter.”

“Should be how I choose it Bu?”

“Istikharah, ask Allah for guidance. And you also have to get to know your partner more deeply, know him, his family and his environment to convince in choosing.”

I'm down. Yusuf was already very familiar to me than Amir, meaning that Joseph was always open to chat with me, he was more jovial and realistic, guiding and giving many life lessons. Should I choose Joseph?

“Amir is a good young man, I know him. I have met some time when

there is a family gathering,” said Ms. Masriyah.

“Mother didn't ask you to marry Amir, it's still your decision. Only, if you ask for an opinion, I know Amir better than Joseph, because I have never met him.”

“I'll try to know Amir more Bu...,” I replied resignedly.

“It's better.”

Our conversation stopped, because someone brought us drinks and small meals.

“Then, if you get married who will be his guardian?” ask Masriyah.

It's something I can't deny that I don't have a family, except Dad. Yes, Father? He's in prison in Cirebon, in this town. Should I ask him to marry me? Though he is an*******, a parent who would be averse to his own child.

“I don't know Mom..”

“Mother's advice, you think about everything carefully. Then make a choice, so that everything goes smoothly. Believe me, Amir will definitely be patient waiting for that decision, and I also hope you chat this all with your family. Mm... your other family.”

I'm down. There was a feeling of pain in the chest, but this was the reality, so I had to face it with chest space. After feeling enough, I say goodbye to Masriyah's mother. Although I did not find the right answer, Masriyah's mother was more likely to ask me to choose Amir. And it's not my heart's desire, coming home from boarding school instead of feeling relieved, even more confused.

The advice of Masriyah became a sharp pebble that was stepped on by my feet, I could not avoid it, because he was a teacher in every step of my life. Of course, I also do not blame his more inclined attitude towards Amir, for Joseph was not yet known to him. Should I introduce Joseph to her?

My eyes looked at this boarding gate, I remembered the first time I entered here, in anxiety I came here, and I left this place in turmoil. Just different meaning. The current turmoil is the peak of my success in looking for the future. A point where I had to start again from the beginning, but not into a slump, but fix the mistake.

The answer is dad. I have to find him, find honesty with him, of course he used to be, not the father now. I have that belief, it just takes implementation, an action to make it happen.

All right, I'll see you in jail. Although heavy, but this must be done. I don't want everything to go dark again, at my ripe age, I have to deal with this with adulthood, not using anger, hate. For the taste of it will drive me to a black, thick, doorless hallway.