The Soulmate Must Meet

Episode 18 - The Crescent Moon above the Tower

I believe God is a source of strength for weak women who are as downtrodden as I am, and will one day bring strong women into the future. My confidence increased when I saw so many women in the da'wah race, they were very smart, smart and looked beautiful on stage. I, as a woman, admire her.

Really, here I became a mature woman, got valuable lessons from many students who came from various regions, various social status. The experience of witnessing da'wah makes me more eager to follow it, although the science of religion that I get is still fairly green, but I believe God is with people who want to try.

Khodijah and Aisyah were also challenged, they had gone back and forth the library to look for proselytizing materials, looking for interpretations of scripture. As a child born in the city, in the slums, of course, the material on religion is very little understood by me. Moreover, I only get religious knowledge from njai teachers who are old and only the only one in the settlement.

It's not my fault, it's not my mother's fault. The environment that shaped me became like this, even though I tried to survive, but still, the understanding of religious science could not be lied to.

Lazy. That word may also be appropriate to answer my anxiety. The laziness that shaped me into a crybaby person, often sad and riled up. Laziness is a virus for humans, anyone can be persecuted by laziness. Because by maintaining laziness, will feel often upset. Facing a situation.

“Mother... Has that paradise you got?”

My eyes looked up at the sky from the tower of the mosque. The stars shone brightly, the crescent moon as if smiling at me. It felt lonely, and I loved it so much, this place I had found for my solitude. On top of the minaret of this mosque, I can talk to my mother, treat my longing.

I am sometimes weak if that laziness arises in my solitude. What am I living for? If Mom is gone, and my dad is an********* who would have wanted to rape his own son. So what about other people? With Khodijah, Aisha, Subhan, Masriyah's mother, would they do the same? Throwing me away after there's no meaning in me anymore. Surely they will throw me out if they know my past, if they know that my mother is a woman who often goes night with thick makeup to lure men.

“Mother... Would I sin if I hated you? Though you never hated me, but you always protected me, always wanted the best for your son.”.

The crescent moon on top of the tower, bears witness to the commotion of the heart. I can't easily escape the shadow of past wounds. I want to give up, I've lost the world fight, there's no hope. Do I deserve to preach in public, to give enlightenment to the dark, while I myself am in darkness.

A night that holds shahdu for the poets. That's how I often hear from poetry, tonight I want to write to my mother. A girl who is a kara, it is not easy to live abroad. And I also don't know if this is called overseas, and now I don't have a hometown.

“Crying... Mother will never forbid you,” heard mother's voice how loud.

I looked to my right and left, as if there were other people around this tower. I was hurt accepting this fact, wanting it to feel like I hated my life, but, for what? Here I should have been progressing, yet still lonely.

I felt the suffering of my mother, I felt the suffering of her betrayed love, I did not want to get a priest like my father, I wanted a priest who could keep myself from the touch of hellfire.

“You why cry?”

I flinched, looking at the sound, Subhan stood leaning against the tower wall. He still wears a skullcap, a cocoa shirt and trousers. His smile was obscured by the shadow of the moon.

“Since when were you there?” I asked Subhan.

Of course I'm afraid she eavesdropped on my grief, a woman whose secret is known to men is a disgrace, I don't want her to know more about me, me and her still don't know each other, after all, there are limits that should not be violated by men and women, namely alone in a dark place.

“I just arrived, the plan is to check the toa,” he said while pointing towards the big toa.

I stood up and stepped down the stairs.

“Wait!”

Subhan grabbed my hand. There was a great tremor when this hand was touched, why would he dare to do this? We are not muhrim.

“You haven't answered my question,” he said.

“I just want to be alone!” I said, then looked down.

“Not possible if there is no reason. Just tell…. Maybe I can help.”

“Nothing to tell. Even if I have to, I ask you to release my hand!” I said firmly.

Subhan regained his senses, then he let go of my hand.

“Sorry... I only..”.

“Pardon me,” I replied.

Then I descended the stairs in a hurry, I didn't want anyone to see this. I'm afraid this will be a slander, what will happen to me if the slander spreads in this boarding school, it could be me and him expelled.

The crescent moon was still coiling above the sky, I continued to rush towards the room. While the atmosphere was very quiet, not a single person passed by. I was afraid, it turned out that unknowingly too late I was sitting on top of the tower, and why was Subhan there? It is impossible if not intentionally.

Maybe he was bad for me? No way! He's a good santri, it's all just a coincidence. The moonlight shone on my steps, bright even though the moon was not full.

Suddenly I saw a shadow. My steps stopped, I noticed the direction of the carcass, is it human? Or the other one? I have to go into the room immediately, I don't want anything to happen, especially until caught by the security guard of the boarding school. Well, why is the fear getting more ambush.

“Mother, did I sin?”

Sin meets a man in a dark place that haunts me. This immediately appeared when I understood many religious sciences, usually me and Roman often alone in public places, even though I wore a hijab, I never felt uncomfortable. Unlike now, I really feel guilty. It turns out, the environment can indeed form characters for good or bad.

My feet kept moving, very fast. I put on a robe, and as I hurriedly stepped up, my foot stumbled, perhaps one of my feet stepping on the robe I was wearing. I couldn't hold my balance, and then I fell.

The moon still smiles in the night sky.