The Soulmate Must Meet

Episode 11 - Suratan

“Mother....!!!”

I screamed, this chest tight, I don't want to live anymore. I want to follow you to heaven, I want to die. There is no one right now who can make me survive in this world. Everything will feel empty. It'll all feel lonely. Mother, is the only reason I live here, even though I myself do not feel that living in an environment is very different from what I expected.

People were holding onto my thrashing body. Mother carried a coffin, leaving the house to rest for eternity. Somehow with this fate of mine, will I be able to survive without a mother? Or on the contrary, I live with the flames of vengeance, wanting to kill every striped male.

It seems that men are the same, and there is never any mercy for women. Why would they do all that? Why is God silent? My mother has suffered too much, my family is a mess. And God is silent.

Some friends and teachers came to mourn, but their faces were flat. And I don't care about them either, nobody cares about me either, everyone here is just following social laws, neighborly laws, nothing is sincere from the bottom of the heart, because every day they sneered at me and my mom.

“Sabar yes... Anggun,” says someone.

I don't know who that guy is. I could only continue to scream, thrashing, the atmosphere in my head darkened. I have no one in this world anymore. A woman who took care of me, now left me, she was the greatest, most faithful woman, willing to die for me.

All may be carried away by the atmosphere of shahdu, or I who was carried by the flow of sadness, always shadowing my steps. Why is this happening to me? What is my fault and sin that I should be a kara? I am a Muslim, I keep my honor, I keep my religion, even though I live in a city of wolves, a city of a thousand animals that are ready to pounce on passing prey.

Whose voice is that again? I don't know, I keep fighting, screaming, hysterical. God take my life, I don't need to live in this world. Never needed me, if you just take God. Why am I not immediately turned off by You.

While the man my mother mentioned in her last words was my father, he was free out there. He enjoys a happy life, he can laugh happily. She, never felt sadness, pain and emptiness like me.

“Ighfar Anggun's. Ask God for forgiveness!”

Just go! Everyone go, I don't need your advice. Wherever you were when I was about to be raped, you never came, you pretended to be deaf. You may have deliberately allowed my honor to be taken away by my own father, and then laughed at me while bunting. You can only laugh at me, then why are you now advising me.

Haven't you laughed at my wounds and my family? I never understood, in a city people live side by side but turn their backs on each other. They know each other but do not know each other. I was devastated, I was desperate.

“Mother...!!!”

When mom walked away, I ran after her. I don't want you to go in a burrow, I don't want you to be buried, you're trying to carry me, you're in a rut, and a few minutes later I feel dark, I don't know, all dark. Dark, dark…