The Soulmate Must Meet

Episode 26 - A Pair of Sinful Lips

But the test is not over. Everything comes to me again. A man I thought he was a sholeh, a true Muslim. It happened on a cold morning. When I stepped down along the rice field, to simply eliminate the saturation in the pesantren.

At first I was interested in the scenery behind the boarding school that has a stretch of rice fields owned by locals. This pesantren is indeed at the foot of the mountain, surrounded by green hills, farms and plantations. Border area between Cirebon and Kuningan.

I continued down the paddy field, playing with the dew and sunlight slowly shining down, the atmosphere was still very quiet. The harvest season has not yet come, so the rice fields are still green spread like a beautiful green rug. I like dancing in this area, enjoying freedom with nature, enjoying the beauty of the world created by God.

Birds flew out of the nest, dragonflies also spread, and some insects scattered around me. There was no wind, no cold air that I felt. My freedom is released, really I have never felt all this, maybe it is true the motivational words of Ms. Masriyah that behind the pain there is happiness stored, just how to start it.

My feet stopped in the trenches, where water flowed to irrigate these vast rice fields. There were small fish playing in it, the water was clear, and it was tempting for me to play. Then, my hand touched the water, cold as if touching ice. It is a nature trip that seduces the heart.

In the midst of enjoying the view this morning, my eyes saw a young man stepping up to me, when viewed from the way he walked he was Subhan. What's he gonna do after me? I pretended not to see, just hurriedly stepped back, I wanted to dodge from Subhan. Not dislike it, but Fatimah likes it which makes fire jealous and enmity, I avoid that enmity.

“Anggun, wait!” yell Subhan.

If this is the case, I cannot avoid it, forced to stop and wait for it to come to me.

“Assalamu’alaikum,” sapanya.

“Wa’alaikumussalam, what is it?”

“No... I just want to accompany you to enjoy the atmosphere this morning, do you mind?” subhan asked with the sweetest smile I've ever seen.

“Mmm..”

“I'm not forcing,” connect Subhan.

For a moment I was silent. Shame is actually alone in the open like this with men, let alone away from the crowd, we are only two in the middle of this rice field.

“Good..”.

Subhan breathed a sigh of relief, a sparrow flew past and alighted on the corn tree, on the edge of the rice field.

“The bird is looking for caterpillars,” he said.

“Ulat?”

“Yes, he eats caterpillars and small insects, birds that many people are looking for to keep, because the sound is good.”

“I don't know about birds,” I said.

Subhan just smiled, then he told me about the birds that often go to the rice fields to just find food, it turns out there are indeed many birds that fly here, although there are rarely trees, even though there are trees, they go anywhere while looking for food.

Subhan invites to catch sparrows by hand. Of course it is very unlikely, catching birds using hands is very difficult, using traps alone is difficult. But, instead he continued to force, finally me and he chased the sparrows that flew from the corn tree to the others.

This bird flew very low, and was not very agile, but it was tempting, when we got close he flew again, irritating him. But this idea turned out to be fun, Subhan and I laughed together, happy this heart feels. Lost was the worry about Fatimah who had the fire of jealousy.

Slowly the sun began to rise, fatigue began to come. Subhan invited me to rest in the saung, a small house of bamboo in the middle of the rice fields to rest the farmers. There was only a bamboo wicker bench inside, I sat there, hot as I felt. Subhan was still standing leaning.

“You have a dream?” ask Subhan.

“Of course, I have many dreams..”.

“Hhh... someday I will have pesantren,” Subhan said.

“Aamiin..”.

My eyes looked far away at the rice paddies. The wind began to come lightly moving the green rice.

“If you?”

“I just want to get a job, study again and build an orphanage.”

“Her honorable dream.”

“Building pesantren is also a glorious dream.”

Subhan sat next to me, I shifted my body, not wanting to get close to him. In the past, when I was in school in Jakarta, I was happy if Roman was sitting next to me, but now, I understand that no non-muhrim should be close to each other. Subhan looked at my face, I looked down embarrassed.

“A long time ago I wanted to say it,” said Subhan.

This heart is pounding.

“If you want to say something, just say it..”.

“Not easy, because the words appear from the heart.”

“Isn't that from the heart going to feel easy to say?”

“For me no.”

“Then don't have to say anything.”

Subhan grabbed my hand, I let go.

“We'd better go home!” I said.

But, Subhan's getting closer makes me desperate.

“Anggun, I love you, will you be my wife? We build a sadinah household, mawaddah, warohmah,” he said.

This heart was pounding even more, why did Subhan say it all of a sudden? And this was too rushed, as if he did not want this opportunity to end.

“I'm not ready to be a good wife, still need to learn again.”.

“We can learn together,” he said.

I really like Subhan. This heart I can't lie to if it makes me forget Roman. But is this too soon? Subhan is already in the category of an Imam, he is broad-minded, and can be relied on in all respects, has good religious knowledge.

“If you are willing, I will propose to you,” said Subhan.

My heart started to wobble. My life has been filled with pain, I want to feel happiness of course. Is this the happiness God gives? A Subhan who can take me into the fullness of life.

“But..”.

“I'm sure married life is your ultimate dream, I've been by your side, why did you let this opportunity pass?” Subhan.

I ventured to look at his face.

“Why do you want to marry me? I have nothing to gain,” I said.

“In married life, not to highlight each other's advantages, but complement each other's shortcomings.”

I began to get absorbed by that sentence, that is how it should be in a household. Unlike recently, there is a lot of imbalance between husband and wife, they show each other who he is.

“I... I have no one in this world, do you still accept it?”

Subhan grabbed my hand, this time I was silent. My faith was worn away by the words offered by Subhan, indeed that was what I coveted, perhaps by every woman. Hoping for a future husband who can take her out of the abyss of darkness. I'm tired of having to be confused in my life, I need a grip, and Subhan may be my choice.

“In the end we have no one in this world, never to blame yourself.”

Subhan clasped my hand, then he grabbed his body. My heart was pounding, then he tilted his head, he would definitely kiss me, what should I do? Every study in this pesantren, we are always given instructions not to touch another type, let alone kiss.

However, there is a feeling that does not refuse, I want to feel a warm kiss from Subhan, I do not deny that I also have lust. Subhan is getting closer, our lips are finally fused, this heart is pounding, it feels erratic, it is raging, but there is beauty in it, there is unparalleled pleasure.

“I won't waste you,” said Subhan.

I can't stand it anymore, this heartache is spreading all over the body. I was aroused by those words, moreover I also admired Subhan's figure, there was no way a santri like Subhan would tell a lie, he would definitely propose to me.

While Subhan slowly laid me down on the bamboo wicker chair, I heard the sound of sparrows chirping, so melodious that I was getting carried away by this situation. Subhan began to fondle me, slowly the veil was removed, the scent of his body made me even more aroused, will I lose my virginity?

For city teenagers losing virginity is natural, even they are proud after sleeping with men, but, I am a Muslimah, of course this is a disgrace, a great sin. However, how do I resist this desire, he has mastered my whole body, until I feel a bite, I enjoy this state, should I just let go of this pleasure?

Both of Subhan's hands had already begun to fumble around my personal area, his snort roaring like a train machine, very heavy to hear. I'm more lustful, lost already the religious teachings we received, forgot all the promises to ustadz and ustadzah not to break the rules.

Subhan is the first champion of da'wah, while I am the second champion, we are very proud of the pesantren and other students, we have been made role models. But why do all this? Is this what we call love?

“Mesum! You will be cursed by Allah!”

There was a screaming sound and suddenly Subhan's body was lifted, he was slammed by a male santri. A few moments later this place was crowded by other students. I was shocked to death, immediately I grabbed the hijab and I wore it carelessly. What have I done? Oh my God, why am I lulled!

Fatimah walked in, her face cynical looking at me, yet she did not turn her head in Subhan's direction in the least. Die me! Now that I am here, there is no mercy, perhaps I will be flayed, flogged, and exiled, as I have heard from the narrations taught, that he who perverts is a whip.

“I told you not, if he's the son of a prostitute!”

Those words stabbed me in the heart, Fatimah was not reluctant to destroy me, she was also burning with jealous flames.

“Set him like an animal!” his orders.

Two female students came up to me, then pulled my hands together, I was in revolt, but not powerful because my strength was not comparable to two. I was treated like an animal, dragged and kicked by these santri, they have indeed harbored hatred for me so as not to look at the slightest pity.

Subhan? I didn't see him, I didn't see if he treated the same or not. I never knew, because taking care of myself I was so bad. Arriving at the pesantren court, all the students were surprised by the commotion, they scattered around. I just looked down, I was really a piece of shit in front of them.

“Friends, Anggun, this city boy has brought a virus, he's a prostitute! And a whore must be whipped!” yelled Fatimah.

I am still confused, what am I doing why is there no Subhan here, why am I the only one being judged? Wasn't Subhan the first one to attack me?

“She has seduced santri men and been perverted!”

“No!” my dispute.

Fatimah took the clasp and whipped my back. I screamed, the pain I couldn't stand, why was I always blamed?

“Akui only if you do pervert!”

“I was teased by Subhan, he promised to marry me!” my dispute.

The buckle landed again on my back, I fell down.

“Lying! You are a whore!”

Fatimah was about to launch her attack again, but Khodijah soon caught Fatimah's arm, and Aisha embraced me. I cried in his arms, I could not help but feel sad, humiliated like this.

“Do not be a vigilante, we better ask Subhan!” khodijah lantang.

Then, Masriyah came with Mr. Kyai, accompanied by the ustadz and ustadzah.

“What is this?” yelled Masriyah.

The situation became increasingly tense, I myself was resigned, would not be able to help me, maybe even God also did not want to help me, a person who had done nothing, my virginity was not taken, but I was not taken, but I've been tarnished.

“Finely Mother asked Anggun, what sin he did!” Fatimah is getting bolder. Maybe he will feel victorious, so dare to say that in front of Ms. Masriyah.

I hugged Masriyah's leg.

“Ampun Bu... I do not intend to desecrate this pesantren, forgive my kafilan, Bu....,” said me sobbing.

Ms. Masriyah was still confused, she looked at Mr. Kyai's face. The one who looked only nodded, the sign gave responsibility to Ms. Masriyah.

“Try you tell me the truth!” mrs Masriyah raised my body.

Then I told him everything that happened, none of which I covered were all clearly detailed from beginning to end. Fatimah's face turned red, her anger uncontrollable, some of her friends were still standing next to her, maybe they would attack me soon, while Khodijah and Aisyah fortified myself.

“Where is Subhan?” ask Masriyah.

His face was also stifling with anger, he looked around the gathering male santri, watching Fatimah lash against me. Before long, Subhan appeared with a lowered face, all eyes looking at him, I who suddenly loved him, turned into hate, why men were so cowardly.

“From you!” snatch from Masriyah.

Subhan stepped gontai, approaching Masriyah ma'am. All eyes looked at him, even whispering.

Plaque!

The slap landed on Subhan's face when it was in front of Masriyah's mother. All was silent, all eyes looked at Subhan, while Aisha hugged me, for I could not help but endure this shame. I was still crying, tears like never ending for me to let out.

“You should be an example, be an example!” snatch from Masriyah.

Subhan said nothing, just lowered his head. Fatimah who witnessed that, slowly removed her clasp, then she also cried. Khodijah looked in surprise, some of his friends too.

“What's Fatimah?” ask Khodijah.

I raise my head, maybe Fatimah regrets having done the vigilante, or…

“It turns out I was wrong to love someone,” said Fatimah.

Masriyah looked at him.

“She also said the same promise to me, and I am pregnant!” scream Fatimah.

All dumbfounded. I was also shocked to hear the confession, it turns out that before seducing me, Subhan had seduced Fatimah first, then he fucked her? So great is the devil tempting us, leading us astray, that in a holy place like this, where everyone learns religion, Satan can trap us.

Fatimah then ran away from the crowd, Mr. Kyai understood what was happening, and knew what he had to do, immediately Subhan was taken by him, while I was led to Masriyah's house with Khodijah and Aisyah. O God, protect me from the temptation of the damned devil.

Everyone immediately dispersed. My heart is raging, is Masriyah going to get me out of this boarding school? Is Subhan going to marry Fatimah? Are Khodijah and Aisyah still friends with me? All still in the questions. Because, Ms. Masriyah was silent during the trip to her home. Only Asiyah was the one from earlier whispered flirtatiously.

“Not kiss?” whiskey Aisyah.

I just kept quiet. This feeling was still uncertain, and Aisyah even asked to joke.

“Say if the kiss is making deg-degan huh?” ask again.

“Sstt. If you want to feel it for yourself!” whiskey Khodijah.

“Later if you are married to Brother Abdullah,” said Aisyah while grinning.

Hearing Abdullah's name, Khodijah fell silent. There was a change of countenance, could it be that he was jealous? I don't know, for sure now he knows that Aisyah also turned out to love Abdullah, just like her. Protect my two friends, lest he suffer the same fate as me, trapped by a wrong man, who only wants the beauty of the world.